Military wife of seventeen years-very lonely

kelly stewart · Post by **kelly stewart** » Wed Mar 11, 2009 6:57 pm

I have been married to my husband, who is in the Army for 17 years. In those 17 years I have supported him in his career and his life. I found out I had bi-polar when I was 25 and had been married for only five years. My husband did not take well to this news and still doesn't understand my depression after 12 years. He tells me to "get over it". I am so sick of hearing that-sometimes I wish he could be in my shoes for one day, but I wouldn't wish depression on my worst enemy! My problem is, I have no family around for a thousand miles and I have been here in St. Robert (Fort Leonard Wood) Missouri for six years and I still have no friends-no support. I am lonely beyond what one could comprehend and am extremely upset by my husband's lack of compassion for me. Are there other military wives out there who feel as I do? I'm just so frustrated and tired of people taking advantage of me-when I finally stand up for myself and say no, those people leave me alone. I'm tired of this depression but I'm especially tired of being lonely! How do you make friends nowadays? I've given and given and only been taken advantage of- are there no good people out there anymore? Lost in Fort Lost in the Woods, Misery (another name for this Army base

MaryLynn604 · Post by **MaryLynn604** » Thu Mar 12, 2009 5:45 am

Hi Kelly, You are the first person I have written to, as I just finally figured out how to get going online today. You didn't say if you are working through Lucinda's program or not. I am on day one. Although our situations are different, I, too, am very lonely these days. Perhaps we could send each other encouragement via these posts? My story, briefly, is that I had a job by the time I was 16 and never was "not working". 5 years ago I became disabled due to a multitude of illnesses (I'm 51 and have already had 1 heart attack). My old friends have hit the road, and I can't keep up. I've made a few VERY nice friends at church. And one at the lupus meetings I attend sporadically. So perhaps some kind of support or interest group might be a place to find kindred spirits in your area. Til then, feel free to reply (I hope I set my profile up correctly for replies. If you don't hear from me in a few days- I can't get online every day, unfortunately- please write a general letter like you did before and let me know!!) MaryLynn

jcolacino · Post by **jcolacino** » Thu Mar 12, 2009 6:17 am

Good Morning Kelly,

I am all too familiar with the feeling of being alone. My wife left me after 25 years and we are now seperated. We have 2 kids 9 and 14 and we split custody 50/50. When she has the kids.... I just want to cry all the time. When they are with me, I feel like I should be spending more time with them and that I let them down....

The last two weeks have been really bad for me because I have had a stomach bug and its had me in bed alot. Thats the worst....

Write back soon and lets learn from eachother....

Jim

kelly stewart · Post by **kelly stewart** » Thu Mar 12, 2009 9:25 am

Thank you all very much for posting to my forum. I hope that we can support each other through this and find the help we need through the program. Yes, I am on the program, but I am on week one. I have listened through all of the cd's and they all seem to simple to be true, but God knows I have tried everything else-I hope this program is an answer to my prayers. I will keep posting to this forum and hope to hear from you all again. Let's fight these demons together!

designkid · Post by **designkid** » Thu Apr 02, 2009 10:17 am

Wow Kelly. I don't know how I'd manage a situation like that. I know what it is like living in an isolated place with no friends or family but if I had a husband I think I'd expect support from him.

Expectations are a tricky thing though. I've lived in a small town where I know nobody for 1.5 years now. I had the early hopes that I'd make friends eventually (after 6 months I was sure I'd have at least one friend) but it just hasn't panned out that way. There is a big drinking culture here and I'm not interested in boozefests. I've had 8 attempts at making friends that haven't gone anywhere. We've talked, I've called, we've made plans, plans cancelled, more plans, no shows etc. In order to stay sane I've really had to lower my expectations of people. I know now I can't expect them to make me happy. I need to occupy myself and be the best friend I can to myself. It's still hard though. No one is an island and we don't want to be alone, especially when battling anxiety/depression.

I wish I could give advice on how to make friends but I'm not having the best luck their either. Maybe we can all brainstorm in this thread.

In the meantime, I think these forums are a great place to find support and understanding! Hopefully they'll get more popular in time and we'll start getting more people writing on these boards!

I too have been told to "get over" my depression. Someone who hasn't been through it doesn't fathom what it is like. I try to see them as just not having something to relate to instead of seeing them as being heartless (though my initial thought is to think just that).

It takes brave people to be army wives. I can only imagine how difficult it is. Have you tried searching for Army Wife forums? I've seen some out there. That might be another tool in your toolkit!

Wish you the best!

dk

Deener · Post by **Deener** » Thu Apr 02, 2009 10:36 am

Hi Kelly..When I read your post, I was amazed at how alike we are! My dad was in the military for the first 16 years of my life. When you move around so much you either learn to make friends quick or you just fade out and float through each new place you move. Unfortunately alot of us people with emotional probs just don't take to well to change so we just get lost in the process. I only have a prob with anxiety and panic so I can't really relate to the bipolar end of it, and am so sorry that you do and don't have the support you deserve. I am going through the program and can only say that I wished I had these skills when I was bouncing from place to place! One of the last places my dad was stationed was Ft. Leonard Wood. Small world huh? It was one of hardest moves in my life. I never made a single friend while I was there, and I never stepped foot in the cafeteria. I hid in the keyboarding room and ate my lunch really quick. Maybe it's just in the water there. haha The thing is making friends is harder for some of us than others, and the truth is we are a special bunch of people, others would absolutely be lucky to be friends with us! So good luck, and keep heart!