I have a habit of ripping my toenails off when I get depressed. I first started with just the simple toenail that would come off with a clippers, but that led to the enjoyment of feeling the pain of the nail tearing from the nailbed.
It has gotten to the point that now I use a pliers to get the edge of the toenail pulled up, then I use my fingers to take the entire nail off and am left with a bleeding, raw tissue stump where the toenail used to be.
At any given time, I have 1-3 toes with missing nails, just a cuticle and a bloody nail bed.
My wife has caught me doing this a few times and thought it was strange, but didn't freak out. Other times she has seen the pile of bloody paper towels in the trash and asks to see my feet.
I know it is gross, but I like the pain and the blood when it is happening. And I feel a sense of relief/accomplishment (I know that sounds so strange) when the act is done.
Part of me wonders if this is somehow tied to my anxiety. Any thoughts?
Self Mutilation
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Guest
James789,
This can be attributed to anxiety, but more than anything this type of behavior is linked to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. There are people who suffer from OCD who will pull their hair out piece by piece and obsess whenever regrowth of the hair occurs. What you have described is no different. Doing damage to your body is something that you need to deal with. There is something much deeper inside you that is causing you to do this. Have you ever been involved in any type of cognitive behavioral therapy? I think that could definitely be of benefit to you. You are not crazy, you are not weird, you just need to get a handle on this. We all have things we need to work on and this just happens to be yours
This can be attributed to anxiety, but more than anything this type of behavior is linked to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. There are people who suffer from OCD who will pull their hair out piece by piece and obsess whenever regrowth of the hair occurs. What you have described is no different. Doing damage to your body is something that you need to deal with. There is something much deeper inside you that is causing you to do this. Have you ever been involved in any type of cognitive behavioral therapy? I think that could definitely be of benefit to you. You are not crazy, you are not weird, you just need to get a handle on this. We all have things we need to work on and this just happens to be yours
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Guest
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Guest
What I do is not as extreme as what you described, but still not good. I'm a picker. I peel the skin off the sides of my fingers, mostly my thumbs. I do it till it bleeds. And then when new skin starts to grow back, I peel it off all over again. To the point that at any given time, part of my thumbs are missing part of the fingerprint.
I also peel the skin off my lips, sometimes till they bleed. Lips heal very quickly though.
It sounds pretty sick now that I'm writing about it, which I don't think I've ever done before. And yes, I have OCD, GAD and depression. There were times in my life when I did not do this self-mutilation, but in recent years it has become pretty continual. I find myself doing it sometimes without even realizing I'm doing it, and I notice it's when I'm feeling stressed or anxious about something.
I also peel the skin off my lips, sometimes till they bleed. Lips heal very quickly though.
It sounds pretty sick now that I'm writing about it, which I don't think I've ever done before. And yes, I have OCD, GAD and depression. There were times in my life when I did not do this self-mutilation, but in recent years it has become pretty continual. I find myself doing it sometimes without even realizing I'm doing it, and I notice it's when I'm feeling stressed or anxious about something.
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Guest
IOTIG - I hear you - Especially about the sudden realization that you are doing it even without thinking about it.
I too do this most when stressed/anxious. Part of me thinks that this is due to the "control" that I have over the pain. I can start it, I can sustain it, and I can stop it.
The last time I did this, (after my initial post - which sounds kind of crazy/psycho now that I re-read it) I really took a good look inward to observe my reaction. I noticed that I get the same look of determination/focus on my face that I do when stressed (My wife even caught me doing it, but she noticed the piercingly intense focus I had on the TV show we were watching.)
I noted that I feel a sence of "I gotta get this thing off me" because the toe and the nail are not a smooth transition between them. That bothers me, and I start picking, then I notice that the picking made it worse so I need to pull at the nail harder. This is how I get the side of the nail lifted. At this point, the nail is not bleeding, but it starts to hurt. The pain frustrates me and I pull a but more to "prove:" that the pain is not as bad as it could be, but then this simply leads to more frustration. Eventually, I find I am pulling to get the entire nail off.
Once done, i feel a sense of relief and accomplishment. I guess this is classic OCD??
I too do this most when stressed/anxious. Part of me thinks that this is due to the "control" that I have over the pain. I can start it, I can sustain it, and I can stop it.
The last time I did this, (after my initial post - which sounds kind of crazy/psycho now that I re-read it) I really took a good look inward to observe my reaction. I noticed that I get the same look of determination/focus on my face that I do when stressed (My wife even caught me doing it, but she noticed the piercingly intense focus I had on the TV show we were watching.)
I noted that I feel a sence of "I gotta get this thing off me" because the toe and the nail are not a smooth transition between them. That bothers me, and I start picking, then I notice that the picking made it worse so I need to pull at the nail harder. This is how I get the side of the nail lifted. At this point, the nail is not bleeding, but it starts to hurt. The pain frustrates me and I pull a but more to "prove:" that the pain is not as bad as it could be, but then this simply leads to more frustration. Eventually, I find I am pulling to get the entire nail off.
Once done, i feel a sense of relief and accomplishment. I guess this is classic OCD??
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Guest
James -
I do this too. I never thought it was that big of a deal. I don't quite go to the extreme as you...with the pliers or ripping the entire nail off..but I have had quite a few bleeding toe nails as a result of me picking and not liking the hanging nail that I create as a result of picking. It must be anxiety. One of the symptoms of anxiety is skin picking.
Hang in there. Deal with the anxiety and it will probably happen much less.
Good luck.
I do this too. I never thought it was that big of a deal. I don't quite go to the extreme as you...with the pliers or ripping the entire nail off..but I have had quite a few bleeding toe nails as a result of me picking and not liking the hanging nail that I create as a result of picking. It must be anxiety. One of the symptoms of anxiety is skin picking.
Hang in there. Deal with the anxiety and it will probably happen much less.
Good luck.