setbacks and moving forward

[mosaic1989]

I am coming out of a recent fairly intense depressive episode. It started about a month ago and it really hit me hard. I was not willing to give up on this program or myself, so I called the coaching program. I was struggling with session 5-6 and we decided to go back to session three. I was fine with that just wanting to get out of that depression, it helped a lot and will talk with the coach on a once a week basis. One thing I decided to do since I'm a visual learner is to make cards of the important points I have found in the chapter, one thing it helps me to get it into my head and use it for a reminder on a daily basis. One thing I realized I was being real critical of myself for some things, and it wasn't really necessary. I got into that blame myself for everything mode. Once I realized I was doing that, it really helped. I have to keep reminding myself I'm ok where I'm at today no matter what. That has been hard because I see so many things I would like to be different but just reminding myself no matter how overweight, sensitive, or moody I am or whatever else that may not being going right; I'm still ok. The thing about going through these lessons when you do them at different points in your progress, I see different things and get more out of it. Still struggling to do the tick marks at the negative thoughts but will work with that, at least it helps me focus on what I'm thinking about and able to catch myself when a negative thought starts. Still feeling a little battered my this round of depression but I'm coming out of it, and can move forward now. It helps to realize everyday we have accomplishments and to try to write some down, so often I overlook that and only see what I didn't do. Lots to absorb, so glad for this community.

[LyndaLu]

Congrats on your progress ! It sounds as though you are doing all of the right things !
Setbacks are just a part of life and everyone experiences them. You are getting the help
you need and following through. It is tough to get out of a rut, but we are strong people
and we can do it. You sound like a very smart and capable person who knows what you
want. I will use your post to inspire myself when I am down to know that I can pick myself
up again and continue on. I have restarted the program and I am on Session Three and I
am reading the book FROM PANIC TO POWER. Keep in touch with us. Lynda

[Nel01073]

I agree with lynda youre in the right place. Ive had a couple of set backs and major episodes of depression since I started the program. Some worse than others. I usually spend more time on the sessions or go back to some at times. What matters is that you picked yourself up and kept going thats not always easy for me to do but I refuse to go back to where I was. Just know youre not alone and theres always someone wth similar struggles. Ill be praying for you.

[Iwillbebetter]

I must also say, good for you, for realizing what was going on and taking the steps you needed to counter act. It can be so hard to get out of those spots once we are there, much less to realize that we have put ourselves there. I know I have had a lot of back and forths and ups and downs going threw the program, but as you said NOT WILLING TO GIVE UP!!

[mosaic1989]

Thank you all for the encouragement that means so much. Sometimes I feel lonly but being here makes me feel not so alone. ALthough I know I'm not alone, I have my family and friends. But sometimes as Mike said on one of the CD's "you get lost in your own head" I wanted to share a discovery I made while journaling. So many times the fear I have leads me to act in ways I am not proud of and have felt like I have even hurt people because of avoiding the thing I was afraid of, like a simple confrontation or interuption in the flow of work. Fear does crazy things to us. I realize simply dealing with the situation like speaking up when I need help or when some issue needs addressed; would leaving me feeling better because I could live with myself and avoid all the nagging shame and guilt. And I think when I don't face a situation but duck from it, I get more depressed and feel guilty. So it isn't really worth it. Now to put it into practice, I know I feel better when I'm more assertive. Habits are hard to break. One step at a time. Well again thanks all!

[Iwillbebetter]

And thanks to you Mosaic for sharing your thoughts and insights. I so can relate to the feeling of being alone, even when there are many around/there for you. I think I have felt alone in someway or another for my whole life. Funny thing is I think I did it to myself much of the time. Never let anyone get to close (they might see the real me)
It's amazing the realizations we can have just from journaling. I'm glad you shared this one, as I hadn't ever looked at it that way, but I do the same thing. It's very easy to hide in ourselves from our fears. And really when we do that, we are also only feeding those fears and allowing them to grow bigger and bigger!! again from the book I'm reading... it's time to take those frightening "dark" fears and bring them to the light, once we can see them for what they truley are, they will start to lose their power until they have no more!!
You are doing great, keep up the good work!! You are worth it!!

[mosaic1989]

Thanks so much, I really appreciate your words of kindness.

[Nel01073]

I can relate to what you said mosaic. Sometimes I feel Im alone in all this but just coming here makes me feel better.
Iwbb I can also relate to how you feel. I am starting to realize I have missed out on alot of great experiences because of fear. Fear of showing people the real me. I have to keep reminding myself that the feeling I have after avoiding something because of fear depression etc is much worse than the anxiety I feel when I face what scares me.

[Iwillbebetter]

Nel, It's almost sadening to think of all that we have missed because of the fear!!! I am actually starting to try to use that, when there is something I can tell I am starting to think "maybe I shouldn't" I will start to remind myself of all the things I've missed. And of the times I wanted to not, but decided to anyway and how enjoyable it turned out to be and how glad I was that I did. More times that not facing those fears turns out to be worth it in the end!!

[mosaic1989]

I had a difficult day really got into anger over people in my life who have been good and loving but now I realize also are very negative and some days difficult to deal with. Sometimes it's hard to see how we have allowed people to treat us and sort of manipulate our reactions. I realize it was how I treated myself that attracted all this into my life, now I'm trying to better and it's changing the rules. I guess one does get sort of addicted to the positve and feeling good and I don't want to hear the negative like I used to. Then I get mad at them for being who they are. Well I know the world is very imperfect, don't expect so much. Well tomorrow is another day, time to begin again and again. This too shall pass.