Empty Chairs During Holidays

[pecos]

I'm going to go ahead and begin this thread because I know I am not the only one who is going to need it. This past year has been one of huge sad losses for me. Both my parents died; my closest friend's mother died; a dear friend is dying; my favorite pet was killed. I muddled through my days, and my depression worsened. I began this program last June and worked my way out of the depression. However, I know, even as I write this, the empty chairs I will see during the approaching holidays are going to send me to my knees. Empty chairs are a big trigger for me. I hope anyone else who needs support as these holidays get closer will feel comfort in coming to this community, and posting under this thread. I am already sensing some heaviness and sadness just remembering all the loved ones (and the beloved pet, too) who won't be seated around my table this Thanksgiving, or this Christmas. It's okay to be sad. Let's help each other learn not to dwell there.

[Huck]

Pecos
Im really sorry for your losses this year.I to have lost both parents and a few very loved animals over the last 10 years,and boy it doesnt get any easier with each passing year.But on the same note I really try hard to remember the best of them all, it does make it a little easier what other choice do we have. It is awful to hear of your loses so close together and fell so sorry for you,I can fell your pain. Just try to stay strong and relie on friends as the hollydays come and goand rememberyou are not alone with this one. Im not one that is well spoken just wanted to let how sorry I am for you. Im allways avaiable if you need a shoulder to cry on and again Im so sorry for your chairs that will be empty this year.
just do the best you can thats all you can do.
As I tell myself all that we have lost will allways be with us in spirt, what a shame if they were not.
Stay strong and enjoy what you had and still have, you are not alone with this one. Thank you for such a nice posting which Im sure will help others as well.

[Chief Crazy Horse]

Boy I'm glad I checked in, it's been a while. I like ya Pecos n Huck! I have lived alone since I was 18, I'm in my 30's now....and though I may not have suffered the losses as you have Pecos (and Huck), I know the feeling of (always) being all alone. It's kind of different I know, but to never have really truely loved anyone or to not have been loved, every single day for so many years, it's not what I expected out of life especially when I always thought that I'd be married with kids pretty quick. I'm so sorry that you must endure through this time, but be alone with me in SPIRIT

[Mary Wargo]

Yes it's a hard one. I spent my Holidays on the East coast with family and old friends and relatives and ex husbands (who are no longer with me). So many warm memories. Sometimes I am alone for the holidays now and sometimes I am with friends, but I decided a long time ago that if I were alone for the holidays I would not let myself feel deprived. I would put up a X-mas tree and decorate it, make a gourmet turkey for me and my cat and buy her a present, and celebrate my life and the ones that are gone. A very bitter sweet time of year for me.

[nobledancer]

Reading of these sad losses brought tears to my eyes. An inevitable part of life---but so very hard, especially if one loss follows hard on the heels of another. Just an idea for you pecos, but perhaps something to think about: maybe you might consider going to an animal shelter around Christmas time, and taking a close look at all the love that is available there. Amongst all of the animals will surely be more than a few who are willing and eager to become your new best friend, and have a world of love to give. God bless.

[Guest]

Pecos

I can't even imagine what you are going through. All I can say is that it is so important to tell the people you love that you do because you never know when that last day will come. I'm fortunate that both of my parents and immediate family are still here. Dad's hooked up to full time oxygen from years of smoking, so .......who knows. It will be a tough Christmas for you. I don't know what to say except that I'm sorry for your losses. Just remember to be as good to yourself this season as you can. If you need some time alone, then you need to do that. Take good care of yourself.

[mdl]

Yeah, this time of year really does suck. Thank God for my 7 year old daughter. Her joy about the holiday keeps me going.

[Gale D]

Hi Pecos,
I too, am so very very sorry for all the painful losses you have suffered this year. My heart goes out to you and I am so grateful that you started this thread. I think it took a lot of courage just to do that especially with your losses having been so recent.
I lost my dear mother who was also my best friend in early 2007, so this will be my second holiday season without her and my pain is still deep. In addition ,my brother's girlfriend manipulated him with lies about me, and I am no longer welcome at his home or included in any holiday gatherings with my brothers and their families though they both live less than 15 minutes from me. I had hoped we would remain close and carry on our family traditions but it's as though I've been kicked out of my own family. I don't even receive a Christmas card from the brother and his girlfriend and they have made it quite clear they want nothing to do with me, holidays or not This began before my mother died,3 years before when the girlfriend and I clashed over who was actually my mother's daughter and health care advocate ,her or me. I won that battle but lost my place in my own family as a result.
so I am so grateful to you for starting this thread- we all know the holidays are coming and for those of us who have suffered losses it won't be easy. At least we can share our losses with others and give each other encouragement during these difficult days to come. thank you Pecos and God bless you always.

[pecos]

Special Heartfelt Hellos to each of you: Huck, David (Chief!), Mary, Nobledancer, Manofmusic, mdl, Gale D. Thank you for the stories you have shared here with me. It is hard (for me) to admit the holidays are going to be very difficult. Thank you so much for joining me on this thread. I’m proud to have the courage, because of this program, to say so and not have negative thoughts about myself because of this. It’s not a flaw, it’s how I feel. There was a recent time I would have been stoic and sturdy, a rock for others to hang their anchors upon, because I believed THEY thought I was too strong to suffer. That thought is so ridiculous, it doesn’t even pass the smell test. I am doing some reading about grief, losses, and the holidays, and finding some valuable advice. I am also staying busy. I’ve invited a handful of good people to sit in my empty chairs this Thanksgiving. Many of you already know that my parents cared for the homeless cats in the small village where they lived. When my father died, the task was my mother’s; and when she died that task became mine. I am now “mother” to about twenty plus homeless cats. I provide them a huge daily meal, fresh water, and shelter from the weather. Now for the dogs. The village is poor, and we don’t even have a shelter for homeless dogs. During the past few weeks many of the townspeople raised more than 10,000 dollars which we will use to build a shelter for homeless dogs. This keeps many of us busy during the holidays. I will be wrapping two gifts for my parents and putting these gifts under the Christmas tree. The gifts will be photos of all those homeless cats having breakfast on the feeding station my parents made for them. As for my lost pet, this replacement will be more difficult. I live on a ranch and animals here have jobs. Primary working ranch animals are also favored pets. My lost pet was killed by coyotes. He was an excellent mouser. He routed rodents of all sizes out of the car, the tractor, the woodpile. He kept rabbits away from flowers and trees. And he was a constant companion who followed me when I repaired fences and ranch gates. He is much missed because not only was he excellent at his job, he was much loved. Well, those are my plans, and I hope to stay busy through the new year (activity reduces my sense of loss). I enjoy David’s idea: to all be together here in Spirit.

[lexa]

Thanks Pecos, I wouldn't have been the one to start, but I am having a very hard time with the holiday hype. Aside from the recent loss of my best friend and future husband, we had 3 losses this year. His dad passed on Good Friday, our dog Rabitt died in april and a friendship of 17 years ended this summer. I have lost all of Ken's family and don't have much of a relationship with my own. In fact I am so ashamed of the events with Ken that I haven't even told them. I do have my dogs though, 200 lbs. of unconditional love. Storm and Tucker are great. I don't know what I'll do for the holidays or how to deal with the sadness.