Idle Time & I'm alone to my negative thoughts..

Ivan28 · Post by **Ivan28** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 10:22 am

Hi all.. I have been working slow hours these past few weeks.. Last week, I worked 16 hours, this week I'll be lucky to get 13... I work as a personal trainer with no benefits.. I have a master's degree and feel like I'm not maximizing it b/c of my anxiety/depression... I am having trouble filling in the hours and it's annoying me... The good news is I make $28/hr, which will hopefully become $30/hr next year after having attained my master's this year..

Problem is, I need to be working at least 4-6 hours a day to feel productive..

I don't have the energy to even recruit clients and I am only working out to relieve my stress.. I feel so useless sitting around the house alone that I make myself do things, b/c if I don't, I feel like I'm going to go crazy and I feel worthless not working..

I'd rather be anxious working than anxious NOT working... At least after the work, I have a sense of accomplishment...

I will pray ppl start requesting my services in the near future.. I'm barely hanging on with a few long-term clients...

I kind of like my job now, b/c I am not going to try and progress myself up in the working world UNTIL I get my anxiety to a manageable level..

I'd like some insight on how I handled this very slow day..

I only have 1 client today... Yesterday I had 4, so it was easier for me..

1) Woke up at 9 am, listened to relaxation CD

2) Made a very healthy breakfast (3 egg whites, 2 slices turkey bacon, oatmeal packet with old-fashioned oats added, dried blueberries, almonds, walnuts, pomegranate juice, 2 tablets of fish oil and 1 tablet of joint boost, 1 cup of decaffeinated green tea)

3) I then journaled on my computer for 30-min..

4) Called up some clients and left messages trying to get them back into the gym.

5) Feeling anxious, went to get a new CD player installed in my car... Cost me $180, but worth it b/c now at least I could listen to Stress CD's again... They help A LOT! I was anxious the entire time at Bestbuy... But felt good after getting it done..

6) It was about a 1-hour wait, I walked to a nearby park and journaled again.. I felt spacey, empty and useless at that point in time.

7) When I got the car, I felt good to have accomplished this task.. Today I had nothing to do, so I figured do something productive..

8) I then ate a hamburger and a kiwi fruit.

9) Packed my things (foods, gym bag), ate Activia yogurt with 2% cottage cheese, almonds, walnuts, blueberries, cinnamon...

10) Now I'm at the library for about 2 hours on here typing this..

11) I will workout, take yoga, train my 1 client

12) Come back to library to check the responses to this post...

Its times like this when I hate my job, but when I'm competing in bodybuilding shows and working, it brings me happiness that feels as good and sometimes even better than when I was anxiety-free.. I was anxiety-free before 22... I'm now 29...

I don't want another job, not many other jobs I know of that will pay $28/hour, I have no benefits, but I don't care.. I'm happy doing what I'm doing..

And for me, happiness is the most important thing in my life.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 10:54 am

Hey I just read your post. I can totally relate with you on how you are feeling, I thought I was the only one who felt that way inside. Where are you from??? I am looking into getting in shape and loosing weight. You sound like a very nice person. I am sorry for what you are going thru. I know how you feel. There are days that I can't go to work and then at the same time I want to go to work. Does that make sense? I know if I just sit around I will feel worse so I try to do things and still feel anxious. what session are you on??? I am on 3 been a little hard to get thru. Well if you need to talk just let me know. I understand how you feel, and I have the same feelings you do in life that happiness is the most important thing. Anyways I would enjoy talking with you thru this we can help each other out. Take Care

Liesl · Post by **Liesl** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 12:17 pm

Ivan,
Have some business cards for yourself made up, and give them to people you meet,, where ever you are, not just at work, but like it you go to the grocery store, give one to the cashier, or the person who carries your groceries out to the car... You would be amazed how fast word gets around that way for clients!

Nelly

h.beth · Post by **h.beth** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 6:11 am

Thanks for the reply Jenn.. Yes lets help each other out..

Only problem with the business card thing is: They would have to buy a membership at the gym I work at.. But I will work on getting business cards in the near future...

I'd like to get involved in online training... How does it work AND how could I get that started?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 6:23 am

Jenn: How many hours do you work a week? Also, what kind of support do you get from your husband?

I felt so good working out yesterday.. At first, for the 1st 15-20 minutes it was boring and I was wondering what the point was, but once I began sweating, that physiological reinforcement overwhelmed me in such a positive way... I felt so good and began relaxing.. I did 30-minutes to leave some energy for today.. I plan on doing at least 15-30 min today.. Maybe 45 min if I'm feeling it... Either way, I always feel good once I finish.. Either the hormonal effect or the sense of accomplishment..

Today I feel ok... Better than yesterday and Mon... I am looking forward to the weekend.. I just want to go out and relax at a lounge and have a glass of red wine..

Lookin forward to things also helps me stay level and relaxed...

stressing · Post by **stressing** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 11:01 am

hey thanks for the response. I am glad that you are feeling better. I am wanting to loose some weight and I am joining weight watchers. I know that I am going to need support for that. My husband has a hard time understanding me. I am starting a new job next week, so I will be working 2 jobs going to be alot but only for a few months. I look forward to chatting with you thanks again for your response

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:33 am

no problem... I'm down in the dumps again.. Im only working 10-12 hours this week and it sucks...

Im afraid to work but dont want to not work...

I am afraid of the infamous 40 hour a week job, thats why i stick to personal training..

I feel like such a failure.. im 29 living at home with both parents... I just dont know.... I was thinking maybe to be a PE teacher or work part-time hours as a physical therapy tech or maybe part-time hours in the library.. The library is looking for help... But i just went to the damn website and it's so complicated...

I have a master's degree mind you, but i feel so stupid sometimes... maybe its just that i dont really care.. I want an easy way out... My mom always said my dad was a coward and afraid of life.. I feel like i got his sorry-ass genes...

And it pisses me off... So i guess ill just go to my loser job and workout.... What else is there?

Man i dont know... All i want is for Friday to get here so i can have that glass of red wine out someplace... Maybe meet a girl...

Although i wont have much to vouch for given my current employment situation...

Ive never worked full-time for longer than 1-2 months in my life... The only time i did was at Wal-mart while i was in college and that was during the summer only... So it was ok...

But having a full-time job scares me... Im afraid of having an anxiety attack AND having no place to go to feel safe... The way i live now, I have plenty of safe places to go to...

I dont even want to start the program b/c i feel like , well i guess and think i will... I guess i will start it over again... I stopped on CD 5 once i got back into stupid bodybuilding competition...

I may re-start 1-5 and go through 6 and 10...

I just dont want it to get to the point where the program "doesnt work" for me.. That would be devastating..

If my schedule remains under 20 hours/wk, I will have to make a decision and think seriously about applying as a PE teacher/coach OR part-time as a PT tech..

I just dont know what i want to do...

I'm not mentally in the right place yet to work out there yet... it's just so bizarre...

cindylou · Post by **cindylou** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 9:18 am

Do you enjoy working out? Do you enjoy being a personal trainer? It sounds like anything with physical activity is something you like doing. Is that right?

There are so many people out there that need someone like you to help them get to their goals with their physical help. This certainly can take the form of a physical therapist (or assistant), a PE teacher OR a personal trainer (or some combination of those).

Stick with it. Look into what it would take to be a PE teacher or PT assistant. Sign up for the necessary classes and see if you like it. You might just surprise yourself!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 10:14 am

I also have plenty of idle time since I am unemployed at this time. I started the program and did not realize how many negative thoughts I had. I have since learn to reduce them with the different methods Lucinda talk about in the tapes. Relax - clear your mind, change thoughts and laughter.

What are the different possible employments with a master's degree that you have? What are the good points of being PE teacher or PT tech besides employment?

We all want the easy way out but in a book by Scott Peck I read a long time ago started out with - Life is difficult. This is so true and I am glad that you found this program and the courage to do the work to make this difficult life enjoyable everyday.

Thank you for sharing your concerns it help me see that I have to get off my duff and look for a job besides working this program more than I have.

Peace and blessings,
Steve

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 5:25 am

Well, with a master's in Exercise Physiology:

I could teach on high school level

I could be a PE teacher

I could be a clinical exercise physiologist (work in cardiac rehab)

I could be a personal trainer

I could travel and be a guest lecturer on various topics in health, fitness, etc etc...

These are the career paths I know of definitively.. But there are other options that could occur.. I could make it on my own by promoting my business, be a fitness writer, write a book on exercise, training, body sculpting, etc...

I could do many things with a Master's...

I could go back to school and become a registered dietician..

I could go on for my doctorate and teach on a college level..

But the bottomline is: I am doing what is comfortable for me.. And rightly so, I'm already in an anxious state, what good is it to take that further?

I just have many issues going through in my head right now...

The best thing for me now is to stay at my current job: Be it no benefits, part-time hours and what have you... At least I'm making a 58k projected salary IF I worked 40 hours a week... But working ~18-20 a week, I will make around 28-31 k this year... I should get a raise next year for upgrading my qualifications from B.S. to MEd. in Exercise Physiology...

I do love what I do.. It's kind of the thing that has given me sanity... And yes it may something I cling to, but what's wrong with that? Some ppl work a career all their lives... Lawyers, engineers, teachers, etc...

I was planning on doing this for another 10 years, then at some point, going back for my doctorate and being a professor in this field...

But for now, I want to continue working, saving $$ and bettering myself...

I do feel fortunate to have a job and that I get paid decent and also that I am good at what I do...

But I sometimes feel burnt out and lack balance.. This is when I take time to try and rebalance myself mentally.. Going out on weekend, calling a friend, etc...

I appreciate the support... This is the most important thing to me.. SUPPORT... Just having someone LISTEN is therapuetic to me.