Severe Bout Of Depression Lingering ON And On

monty'smom · Post by **monty'smom** » Sun Nov 09, 2008 7:39 am

I have tried dealing with this overwhelming sadness and crying for days and days and can't pull myself out of this deep dark hole I'm in. Nothing is working and my thoughts are unhealthy and desperate. I havn't been this bad in so long and just don't know what to do. My husband is wanting me to go to the hospital but I know that isn't going to help. I don't know what the answer is

but do know it isn't sitting in a hospital for hours crying and feeling like everyone thinks I'm crazy. There are a lot of money issues likely adding to my unhappiness but I know nothing can be done to change that. I just feel so heavy and full of inside pain and anguish. I can't function like this anymore. I guess I just needed to vent, don't know why...don't want to bring others down with me but have nobody to talk to who understands this loneliness

from within.

I really pray for everyone suffering like this, everyday. I wish i could make us all feel inner peace and joy and feel like laughing not crying.

SORRY, God Bless

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Nov 09, 2008 7:51 am

Monty's Mom, I am so sorry. I know the heaviness and I think you are on to something with the way money woes are this day and age. I feel like I've been treading water for so long and am so tired. Every time I pay a bill, or my kids ask for something I want to just cry because we can not afford it. I think with the economy and nation in the shape that it is, it is precipitating so much anxiety and depression in those of us who struggle even with the little things. I understand the loneliness, and I understand wanting to give up. My stomach is in knots when I got to bed, and my whole body aches in the am from me tensing all night. I wish I had the answer, and you are right, the ER would be a temporary fix with some Ativan and then a pat on the behind....but until things everywhere get better, I think we will continue to hurt so much inside. In church today I sat behind a lady with 2 small children, one bald from chemo, and one with severe cleft lip and palate, and I wondered to myself if I could make it with what she has on her plate, and felt so guilty for feeling bad about my problems that I was able to let go just a little bit today. Also, I think the weather changes and shorter daylight hours definitely takes its toll on depression worsening as well. Best wishes and a big H U G .... this too shall pass.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Nov 09, 2008 7:53 am

Hey Monty'smom !

Did you ever think the day would come where I would be encouraging YOU ?!?!?!

It could be a number of things.....money....or lack thereof....it could be a need to get out and maybe join a club or meet with people for lunch. Just having other people around can make all of the difference in the world. I'm on week 5 now (diet and exercise) and I'm finding what I eat can play a big role in how I feel.

There are MANY people on this board whove cried on your shoulders. Now it's your turn !

It could be pressures with your house too.

This time of year can be depressing for many people. The weather can be a big factor too ! If you feel like sleeping for a while, then do that. If you need to get outside, then do that ! If you want to keep posting on these boards, then do that too ! Everyone has their moments. The trick is how to get out of it !

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Nov 09, 2008 8:07 am

Hey My Good Friend! I am so sad to hear this! I understand the money part, too. It seems everything is tilting, off kilter, awkward, and just plain gloomy!
The real stressor of how difficult times can be when things get so lean is a tough one. I don't have answers, and have some of this going on in my own life today. I wish I could send you a bag full of magic dust, and a box full of gold. I can send you my thoughts and my hopes that this torn and tumbled up economy will work out soon, and we will all still be standing when it eventually does.
Big hugs to you, and to your wonderful family, and your special rescue fur kids.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Nov 09, 2008 9:53 am

Hi Monty's Mom,
I so relate to the crying and hopelessness you are feeling. That's where I am today as well. So today sucks and yesterday sucked, but not everyday in the past has sucked and there is no reason for either of us to think that the future has to suck.

Let go of the worrie over which you have no control. Focus on that which you can improve. Allow yourself to move forward slowly and peacefully. Accept help and love from others.

In the past year I've been on the verge of hospitalization. My doctor advised against it unless I was seriously contemplating suicide, which I wasn't. My depression goes back decades and I was hospitalized once over 20 years ago. It did absolutely no good and cost a bloody fortune.

I wish you all the best. BREATHE
MikeinPhx

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Nov 09, 2008 12:32 pm

Hello Monty's Mom. I have been in your shoes several times and have gone to the hospital. I have gone through shock treatments also, which did help. I still suffer a lot, but I try to do a lot of spiritual reading. I really enjoyed Stormie Omartian's book "Finding Peace for Your Heart" and I am currently reading a book by Joel Ostee "Your best life now."

I recommend a lot of prayer and if you need to go on temporary medication, do it. Just think of it as temporary. If you need to talk I am here, email me at Angieodc@yahoo.com

Last time I had a very bad anxiety attack I prayed that God would never let me feel that way again. So far I have not felt that bad. So try to go to something that makes you laugh a lot, sometimes that will snap you out of it, or some good exercise.

Hope to hear from you.

God Bless You!

My Path to Peace · Post by **My Path to Peace** » Sun Nov 09, 2008 1:25 pm

Hi Monty's Mom,
I am so very sorry to learn you are going through a tough time right now. though we've never actually talked, we started the program at nearly the same time. I have really missed you on the boards and and come to feel as though you are a friend. I think those of us with anxiety and depression are the most extrordinarilly caring and compassionate people and I think we are all blessed to have each other to talk to and get encouragement from. You will get past this despite financial problems and the isolation you feel from your family!!! I hope you will pamper yourself right now-curl up in bed with a good book and a cup of tea, watch a funny movie,light some candles put on some music you enjoy and take a relaxing bath-whatever will make you feel special. Things will get better, they always do. And don't forget how much we all care about YOU!!!
Take care of yourself and those fur babies and remember you're in my thoughts and prayers.
With love, Gale

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:53 am

Thankyou to everyone for all the kindness and words of encouragement. I know I am not alone..but makes me feel bad for all of you suffering. This depression is so debilitating and has my stomach in knots still. I just can't pull myself out of this for some reason and really do think I'm losing this battle this time. I just feel so sick and heavy again today. I have prayed and prayed for help and even asked my grandparents to help from Heaven above. They were always my Angels while on this earth and wish they were here now to just hold me and tell me everything is ok just as they did throughout many bad times I lived through years ago. I'm so isolated where I am and am alone so much. I don't know anyone where I live so it's just me and my fur kids and I hold them and just cry on them. I feel my mood is really taking a toll on my baby boy Monty whose health has been bad for 3 years. Him and I have had such a connection from the first time our eyes came in contact. He knows something is wrong with his Mommy and just keeps kissing my face and looking at me so sadly. I'm supposed to care for him, them and make sure they feel loved and are safe and happy, but I am not able to do that lately and feel so guilty that I'm so selfish as to put them through my weakness. Today they won't even eat breakfast...just went back to bed. How horrible it makes me feel for them, they have all been through so much neglect and abuse in their lives and are innocent victims in all these tears. I just can't stop crying. I need to get a grip on this somehow but nothing I do has helped. Am I too far gone this time, just too much to handle, is my mind and body overloaded...i just want this to stop..enough is enough already.
I just wish you all to not feel like this, EVER AGAIN. Nobody deserves this.
Thanks again and be well.
Hugs to all.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:26 am

Hi monty'smom...I just want you to know that you will get through this...You know what helped me to put things in perspective with negative thinking is: I would never say the negative things that I say to myself to my children and that really hit me hard...Just think about what you say to yourself and remember everytime we go though this it always seems like we will never pull through but every single time we ALWAYS DO!!!!! Just trust that it will and know that I am thinking about you...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Nov 10, 2008 4:07 am

Monty'smom.

As long as you have the internet, a phone, and prayer, you're never isolated. You need to get over this hurdle. The more hurdles you get over, the easier it will be to tackle the rest. You've probably gone through heavier times than this and made it through those. You need to do what the rest of us have to do......take it one day at a time. Don't look any farther than that.