Just need to get it off my chest

Cherokeedream · Post by **Cherokeedream** » Wed Aug 20, 2008 1:30 pm

I don't know whether this is the right forum to say this. There are times I really want off this planet. I have reasons I could list but mainly now is that I want love and a mate in my life after divorce, and I keep picking the wrong dates/men. Even the nice ones seem to stand me up, lose interest, end up lying...I really don't know why. Friends tell me they don't know why I'm "not taken," as I am energetic, attractive, and have a lot to offer. That isn't what makes every reason to hook up w/ your mate. I feel so lonely, hopeless. It has been two years nearly out of divorce and all I end up doing is dating, giving, losing. I try hard to be content as a single, but it just is not me. I am not happy and can't change me. Only God can. God has had ample time to do this and I am still open to HIS help. Just lonliness. I really can't take it much more. If I had the courage to do my life away, I'd already have done it. I dont want to die early, but it seems to beat living in hopeless lonliness and unhappiness. If not for my kids, I pray God, the Universe, Life, Love, etc., will bring me what I need to be happy to take care of my children. God has asked me to walk a very hard path (haven't shared my calling, giftings, and other attributes which can help others). He just seems to refuse to bring to my life what's needed for complete contentedness. I am a believe over 35 yrs. I read the bible. I know its true. If He's my only source He needs to BE my source rather than allowing the suffereing I cant take it much more...

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Wed Aug 20, 2008 1:49 pm

Hi. I know how you feel. Talk about being alone, I could write a book about lonely. During past few years I have lost most of my family, and recently a very much loved pet who was also a working ranch animal. It is hard. Life is hard. Every day I go on, and so can you. There is something in each day that is meaningful for us. We may not know what, but it is there. Somehow you are a special link to all these wonderful moments in the day, in your life. I wish you so much peace and hope you can use this program to learn how to enjoy what a wonderful life you have. If you can, I'd like to suggest you find and listen to a song that was my mother's absolute favorite. It is an old Louie Armstrong song called What a wonderful world and don't give up. We are your friends here, and as long as you remember that, you cannot be all alone.

P.S. I want to recommend a book that goes along very well with this program. UNSTUCK, Your Guide to the Seven-Stage Journey Out of Depression by James Gordon, MD. It has some practical information just for depression and it makes good sense.

Sybil · Post by **Sybil** » Wed Aug 20, 2008 1:54 pm

I understand how you feel; not by sympathy or empathy, but by having "been there." I had to leave my husband because he refused to stop drinking/drugs/dealing & I had a 3 & 5 year old child. I left & thought I'd meet someone in church. I hated it when my minister said I should not date until the divorce was final, but I knew he was right, so I waited: it took a year for it to be final. During that year I prayed & prayed for a good husband/father for my kids. I started to date & 2 years later I remarried. This month it will be 19 years... during that 19 years we've had a baby, lost a farm, went bankrupt, had health problems, lost jobs, got new jobs... and almost broken up a couple of times. Having someone doesn't make the hard times or trials stop; it just gives you someone to share them with. My daughter has attempted to take her life several times; I hope your kids have never heard you voice the opinion of not wanting to go on; to hear a loved one say that is so devastating: please call your local crisis center, minister, a friend or a hotline. Good to hear that you pray, but sometimes the answer to a prayer is "not yet" or "no" or "wait." He knows what's best for you. Your children NEED YOU. There's a terrific book you might want to check out called "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them." I read it right after my divorce & it helped me tremendously. He's asked many of us to walk a very hard path; but you obviously have sight & brains & typing skills & I bet LOTS of other things, not the least of which are our children, to be thankful for! One of the best ways to help yourself IS to help others & your kids are the ones that need you the most right now. Best hopes to you; don't give up; NEVER give up! ~Sybil

Wireman · Post by **Wireman** » Wed Aug 20, 2008 2:18 pm

Cherokee Dream - please remember that we are here for you - this has been about the worst year of my life but I still try to remain positive despite my world going awry around me. I lost my dog to cancer in April that was hard as I had him 12 years and was a true part of our family, then in May my step father got diagnosed with lung, liver and stomach cancer, then in July I lost a good friend in a farm accident - he was only 31 and just married two months prior, then earlier this month my Grandmother died. Seems like death is all around but it just makes me appreciate those I have around me all the more. I'm learning to not take the moments I have with loved ones for granted - you never know when it will be the last time you see them.
Please know that there are so many others out there that care for you and you just may not be aware.
I'm sure you'll find your special someone soon enough - just take time and don't force yourself to feel something for someone - let it come.
Anyway I hope you keep posting here and let us know how you're doing from time to time. Hang in there cause we're all in this together!
God Bless you

Sidd · Post by **Sidd** » Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:21 pm

Dear Cherokee Dream:

I'm married with kids and have been through so much with my husband...believe me. Even with a partner...life can be very lonely and difficult at times. I want to briefly tell you about people in my life that have found love after so many years of being alone. My sister was in and out of bad relationships (divorced and single mom of a daughter for 20 years) and at 45 years old...remarried to the most wonderful man any of us have ever met. She was down and out as a single mom, struggled financially and was lonely and depressed...then a few years ago, came her current husband. She just bought a house with him and looks 10 years younger! She is happy, beautiful, fullfilled and is about to celebrate her 49th birthday next month. My mother was widowed at 49 years old...she is now 77. She met up with her ex-fiance' after 54 years. She met up with him again through a mutual friend 4 years ago. My mother is living a better life than all of us. She is out every nite, dinner, movies and trips. My point is this...you just never know when love will find you again. In the meantime, please try to find peace in your current state. Love will find you again...just when you don't expect it. You'll be OK...love yourself, love your children, love your family and friends now. When the timing is right for you...you'll have your loving relationship. For now, please work on yourself and try to love yourself for who and where you are currently. You are special and wonderful..especially to your children. Please stay in touch with the forum....be good to yourself.

I wish you the very best...
Lynn

IG · Post by IG » Sat Sep 06, 2008 7:11 am

Yeah, I am very familiar with what you feel. The ex had an affair and that completely devasatated me and my self esteem. It has been the most challenging thing I have ever had to deal with. This happened over 2 years ago, and I am slowly trying to get back out there and date and meet new people, but every time I do, I run the gammut of emotions, feeling guilty, scared, anxious, and being in this type of situation reminds me of the past which stirs up even more feelings, so I am in a weird situation where I don't want to be alone, but if I go out I deal with this wave of emotions. Any of you deal with this, or advice?

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Sat Sep 06, 2008 7:25 am

In a society where our worth is so often defined by our external stuff, it's hard not to feel like you describe..
I've been there with the affairs. What kept me from feeling entirely lost and without value is that I am a fairly grounded person, and I have a modicum of faith in my own value. If you can grab some good tools you can restore your self esteem, and you will never have this same situation turn your world upside down again. I am on Session 10, and find the tools in this program more than do the trick. I wish you the best.

IG · Post by IG » Sun Sep 07, 2008 2:26 pm

Pecos, glad and sorry to hear that you were (hate to say) victim of an affair. Did you read any books or anything else to help you cope with your esteem after the affair? Please share with me if you have any advice?