I just like to be alone

Want2FeelGoodAgain · Post by **Want2FeelGoodAgain** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 9:06 am

Okay, yes, I'm here for anxiety and a bit of depression, but I am sooooo tired of people thinking that I'm not getting better or "trying" because I love to be alone. I have 2 kids, when they are in school and when I'm home, I love my room. Its cool, beautifully decorated, comfy and a sense of a place of peace to me. So when my mom calls or hubby calls, they say "its not good for you". Isn't it okay to just want to chill alone??? I'm not hiding from anything, chores get done, shopping gets done. But I don't have a ton of money to go out and blow so I love to sit and veg! Is this wrong???

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 9:23 am

Want to feel good!
Hi:
There is a difference between solitude and aloneness.
I, too, enjoy some time to be alone.
(Of coure I have plenty of time alone since I live by myself and don't get out just a whole lot)
It wouldn't be good to stay to one's self and brood.
But to have some time to one's self is healthy.
As long as you are living in the present.
This is just my opinion as I'm not a doctor or anything close to that. I'm just an ole' lady.
And if you are comfortable with yourself, and you aren't "hiding out" from life, then some time alone can be refreshing.
Best of luck!
Mary Jane

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 9:29 am

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I LOVE my alone time and actually cringe if I come home expecting the house to be empty and it's not.

My husband gets all over me for this, too. He grew up in a household believing relaxation was a sign of weakness and laziness. This is expecially aggravating because he finds nothing wrong with sitting in from of the TV for the entire evening, yet chides me for sitting in bed reading a book- seriously, what's the difference?! I'd sit in the living room and read but our couch is stylishly uncomfortable (wouldn't have it any other way compared to those ridiculous things that look like a coffin and have a refridgerator built in the middle

) and that the damn TV is BLARING!

Your kids are taken care of, the house is maintained, and you're not "hiding"- I'd tell everyone to get off your back (HA!). Actually, I did buy a hammock last summer and when the bugs aren't bad I lay out there and read. For whatever reason, this seems to be "acceptable"- don't ask me why?

I know this doesn't really help much, just know you're not the only one out there who values her personal space and time!
Emily

Have you ever taken one of those introvert/extrovert tests? I ALWAYS score right down the middle, and frankly I think this is healthy.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 10:04 am

From the Session 8 homework section: ... most people don't want advice -- they want someone to listen. I think what you are saying here is that you are okay with this solitude. My mother enjoyed solitude. She read constantly. Her favorite shows were history, discovery, science, and health topics. My father was happiest with a group of friends, all talking at the same time, all sharing their biggest fish stories, etc. The funny thing is, they got along so well. Fifty plus years of marriage, they accepted their needs were different. If you are comfortable and happy with yourself, what's wrong with that? We aren't all cut from the same pattern. I live alone on a rather large ranch (I measure my fences in miles). I am a semi retired therapist, and all my friends still work in a large city 90 minutes from here. I see them often, and they always bug me to sell out and move to the city. Why? So I can do what? If I get lonely, I can visit a small town nearby, or I can sign on here, or I can go see one of them! My father used to say people are like snowflakes. We are all unique, and there is nothing wrong with that!

Kalliope · Post by **Kalliope** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 12:47 pm

I absolutely feel that there is nothing wrong with wanting some alone time!
I work in a museum where I interact with people all day. There is nothing better for me to come home, lie on my bed, and read a good book. I am lucky that I came from a family of readers, so they get it, but I have friends who don't get it. Just stay confident that what you are doing is okay. Don't let other people's opinions that could plant a seed of unnecessary doubt and worry.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 1:27 pm

Hi Want2FeelGoodAgain, I think the fact that you're enjoying your alone time is an indication that you are getting better!! When my anxiety/panic was in full gear, I couldn't stand to be alone with myself. I was always scared and wanted someone to talk to and reassure me. Now (I'm on Session 14), I can't tell you how wonderful my alone time is. I look forward to getting home from work, tending to some chores or running around doing errands, and then finally spending a few hours indulging myself, by myself! I sit and read, go on the computer, do my nails, or anything that makes ME feel happy and peaceful. I've gotten to know myself again and nothing in the world can beat that feeling.
I make a point to have this time every evening because it rejuvenates me.

I think your family is just worried about you, and when you're sitting alone they think perhaps you're depressed or anxious. My family is always checking in with me also!! Sometimes it's annoying, but I know that when I was suffering the most, they were there for me and they just still want me to know that they care. I'm sure yours feels the same way. Even though we are making strides with our disorder, they don't always understand.

Keep enjoying your precious moments alone and as time goes on everyone will feel secure about your progress.

Remember, these are YOUR moments, so cherish them, enjoy them, and every day will get better and better!

God Bless You!
Donna

Mello Nello · Post by **Mello Nello** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 2:16 pm

I always just tell people that I enjoy my own company and am fine just the way I am. I always have people telling me what I need to do- You need to go here, you need to go there, you need to join a church for social activities etc etc.- If I'm not upset about my alone time - why are they? I really do enjoy my own company and when I see myself isolating too much, I do something about it. Are they afraid I'll snap and end up as a serial killer and then people will say "Well, she always was a loner." ????

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:16 am

Thanks everyone.......its good to hear, and Marywargo you are a HOOT! I think I will enjoy a good book today, and know that a busy weekend is coming up. Take care all and thanks for the wonderful pick me ups.