I feel like I am in a deep downward spiral that there is no coming out of.
For the past 15 years I have lived my life in a constant state of stress, anxiety and waiting. Waiting for the next shoe to drop. Waiting for the next phone call. Waiting for the next hammer to drop. I don't know how to live a normal life.
In the last year, things have come to a head. My marriage has gotten to the point I want to leave but can't. My mother passed away a little over 3 weeks ago after years of illness. My sister hates me. My brother is an alcoholic and severely depressed. My life is a soap opera.
My husband thinks I am a miserable person and I am making him and our kids miserable too. I agree. I feel like I am in need of many drastic changes in my life. I want a new career, a new place to live, a new marriage, a new family, a new me. I don't know what is real from fantasy anymore. I am worried I am letting my dreams make my decisions for me. Dreams that more likely will not come true then come true.
What if I make all these changes in my life and am still miserable like my husband predicts. It is true, you can't run from your problems, they will find you especially when your problem is you.
How do you know when enough is enough? How do you know you are following the path you are meant to be on or you are not? How do you trust your inner voice when it has led you astray time and time again.
Someone told me once, don't listen to your head, as it will tell you lies, only listen to your heart. Well, my heart is broken, so what is left to listen to now?
At wits end
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Guest
Hello,
I read your posting by chance. I just joined this as I've been having anxiety issues and lost my job but I see you are in a much worse place. Your heart is still speaking to you, you just have to learn to listen to it. When something makes you feel good it is, and when something is making you feel bad. I agree with your husband that you can't run away from yourself but environment is huge and I can definitely tell you I changed my life moving from Nebraska to Colorado and and a new start sometimes opens a new side of you which is what I think you seek? but you don't have to move and get a divorce to change who you are, you can sign up for something you would have never tried before and with just that step start feeling like you are changing your life. Pray for a new inspiration to live..
I read your posting by chance. I just joined this as I've been having anxiety issues and lost my job but I see you are in a much worse place. Your heart is still speaking to you, you just have to learn to listen to it. When something makes you feel good it is, and when something is making you feel bad. I agree with your husband that you can't run away from yourself but environment is huge and I can definitely tell you I changed my life moving from Nebraska to Colorado and and a new start sometimes opens a new side of you which is what I think you seek? but you don't have to move and get a divorce to change who you are, you can sign up for something you would have never tried before and with just that step start feeling like you are changing your life. Pray for a new inspiration to live..
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Guest
Hi Proudmomof2,
I empathize with you. I have been a highly stressed person. I think it is an attribute I inherited. There are alot of resources that helped me including: "How To Stop Worring and Start Living." (Dale Carnegie?) and the "New Mood Therapy" by David Burns.
Exercise has helped me burn off stress and "stinkin thinking."
There are times when I have had to live 5 minutes at a time. I figure if I can be happy for 5 minutes, I can stretch in to 10, and then perhaps to an hour.
Let me know if I can help in any way.
RD
I empathize with you. I have been a highly stressed person. I think it is an attribute I inherited. There are alot of resources that helped me including: "How To Stop Worring and Start Living." (Dale Carnegie?) and the "New Mood Therapy" by David Burns.
Exercise has helped me burn off stress and "stinkin thinking."
There are times when I have had to live 5 minutes at a time. I figure if I can be happy for 5 minutes, I can stretch in to 10, and then perhaps to an hour.
Let me know if I can help in any way.
RD
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Guest
Hi proudmomof2
While you cannot run away from your problems as the old cliche goes, you can make changes while you are still standing in one spot and then your choices will be more clear to you and you (WILL) no longer feel the need to run.
If we make decisions out of fear and anxiety so often we regret some of those decisions. So would it be possible to go through the program and then make some decisions based upon the way you will feel and not the way you are feeling now?
When we have a tendency to change just about everything in our lives it is usually us that needs to change and not so much our circunstances. The very fact that you are what-ifing in your post is a clear indication that this is anxiety talking and not your true self.
Hope this helps some I know you are in a tough spot but please try to resist the urge to just jump.
While you cannot run away from your problems as the old cliche goes, you can make changes while you are still standing in one spot and then your choices will be more clear to you and you (WILL) no longer feel the need to run.
If we make decisions out of fear and anxiety so often we regret some of those decisions. So would it be possible to go through the program and then make some decisions based upon the way you will feel and not the way you are feeling now?
When we have a tendency to change just about everything in our lives it is usually us that needs to change and not so much our circunstances. The very fact that you are what-ifing in your post is a clear indication that this is anxiety talking and not your true self.
Hope this helps some I know you are in a tough spot but please try to resist the urge to just jump.
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Guest
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Guest
Hi there...........your life sounds like mine. So we can laugh about it together.
Sit down and let me tell you that you probably have nothing to do with all the stuff going on in your family. Your family sound about as dysfunctional as mine.
You have a lot of pain in your family and it sounds like you are the ping pong ball which flys out of one crisis and into another. Your brother is an alcoholic, depressed.............. He's addicted but he's also spiritually ill.
Your sister hates you.......doesn't sound like she's well either.
Mother died after a lengthy illness? You must be feeling quite burnt out and still in a state of deep grieving.
I'll tell you what to do...... All these people are ill. You're not going to get well in this environment. These family members all need to be placed under temporary quarantine (with love). Tell them you love them but that you need to push away for a while from everyone to get healthy. You're just not seeing straight right now.
If you get sick, who's going to look out for you and your family?
I wouldn't throw the husband away, he's just stating his observations about how down you really are. He's your weather vane. He could be saying things in a better way but lets face it, he didn't take courses in effective communication so we all sort of know what he's trying to say even though he's saying it almost in a blaming way....this kind of help you really don't need.
Be patient, breath deeply....Power WITH God. Power of Love is your best medicine. Have some quiet time and conversations with your higher power. Ask for strength.
Above all, Don't be impatient with yourself. Your mother just recently died. You're probably feeling the way you should be feeling about now. Accept this about yourself and push away from doing too much. Take some time to connect with nature, with your inner self.
With your mother's passing, you no doubt feel an empty hole where love used to be. That's why you are focusing on the brother and sister who ought to be filling that emptiness for you but sadly you realize that each for their own reasons, they're not. You're grieving for everyone and for yourself. It's normal when someone dies, that you also re-grieve all your other losses (past and present).
It sounds like you crave love and a feeling of protection. It sounds like you're tired.
Like you, I'm tired too. I think we're not alone.
Hug
Sit down and let me tell you that you probably have nothing to do with all the stuff going on in your family. Your family sound about as dysfunctional as mine.
You have a lot of pain in your family and it sounds like you are the ping pong ball which flys out of one crisis and into another. Your brother is an alcoholic, depressed.............. He's addicted but he's also spiritually ill.
Your sister hates you.......doesn't sound like she's well either.
Mother died after a lengthy illness? You must be feeling quite burnt out and still in a state of deep grieving.
I'll tell you what to do...... All these people are ill. You're not going to get well in this environment. These family members all need to be placed under temporary quarantine (with love). Tell them you love them but that you need to push away for a while from everyone to get healthy. You're just not seeing straight right now.
If you get sick, who's going to look out for you and your family?
I wouldn't throw the husband away, he's just stating his observations about how down you really are. He's your weather vane. He could be saying things in a better way but lets face it, he didn't take courses in effective communication so we all sort of know what he's trying to say even though he's saying it almost in a blaming way....this kind of help you really don't need.
Be patient, breath deeply....Power WITH God. Power of Love is your best medicine. Have some quiet time and conversations with your higher power. Ask for strength.
Above all, Don't be impatient with yourself. Your mother just recently died. You're probably feeling the way you should be feeling about now. Accept this about yourself and push away from doing too much. Take some time to connect with nature, with your inner self.
With your mother's passing, you no doubt feel an empty hole where love used to be. That's why you are focusing on the brother and sister who ought to be filling that emptiness for you but sadly you realize that each for their own reasons, they're not. You're grieving for everyone and for yourself. It's normal when someone dies, that you also re-grieve all your other losses (past and present).
It sounds like you crave love and a feeling of protection. It sounds like you're tired.
Like you, I'm tired too. I think we're not alone.
Hug