Progress

zempath · Post by **zempath** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 8:49 am

Can someone provide any feedback as to what are some true milestones of progress or recovey are? Any moderators out there? I'm closing the bend of session 10 (started back in Jan, lol!), and am struggling with where my head's supposed to be at. I understand that none of this is an overnight fix, but man it's really taking it's toll. I struggle with lowering expectations, not being negative(this is really hard), and wondering if I'm just not caring enough, etc. I've gotten to a point where I'm pretty exhausted from feeling or trying not to feel or knowing what the heck to feel at any given time!!! And I'll have some real good moments coupled with some real apathy that always goes nicely with depression.

Do I personally see a change at least? Yeah I've learned a lot, am applying the tools, but then a lot of times it just feels like good ol' me.

I've recently hooked up with a with a nice flu-like thing though, work is all up in my kool-aid and I am trying to get on with another company, so there's a possiblity all that together may be contributing to making me my cheery ol' self!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:52 am

My experience today measures progress from level Six: I was zooming along this past week, just feeling really good compared to last month. Then a few days ago I had a bad day. Yesterday was a full busy working day, with some external negative interactions (as opposed to internal). I could feel the mercury rise, but I worked Session 2 and 3 and 6, over and over, in my mind. I kept those tools close and I ended up treading water. I did go to bed with my gears in neutral, which is better than negative, right? I woke up feeling slightly optimistic, which is a first in many years. Before I had the six session tools, I would have found myself in the same place in the morning that I'd been in the day before. And I would have gotten up and started tweaking myself (internal stressors) into a worse place. Today I used the necessary tools and went toward positive. Tomorrow? Not there. I may have a slip into the mud. But I have a rope out, and so do you. I believe that is how we measure our progress. Thanks for your post, and I am hoping you will be soaring like an eagle real soon. Kind regards, Pecos.

P.S. I am adding this on the 24th. External stressors still present, and tools are still working. Progress? Feels like it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 4:01 am

I like your comment about shooting for neutral and how that is progress compared to getting in the ring everyday and beating ourselves up.

I'm really bad with setbacks period. I have a tendency to shut down shop and revert to old habits when anything negative happens. But I guess that's what the program's for, and those old habits are what have gotten me here in the first place.

I just wish they'd hurry up and make a pill to fix all this nonsense!

angela 2 · Post by **angela 2** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:17 am

Hi Zempath -

Although I may be going through a rough patch right now. I do know that each time I go through one, I come out having learned a little something more. Like you I have a hard time w/ setbacks. I have a back slide and say "SEE! It doesn't work, I'm just doomed to misery for the rest of my days." But when I think about it, I used to have more bad days than good. Now, I have more good days than bad. I still have bad days, and full blown anxious and depressive episodes, but I know that this is a process. Just like your flu. You don't get the flu and feel miserable forever, it starts in your chest, then moves to you head and eventually wears itself out.

For me, it's not healthy to think one day I'll be "cured", there is no end date. Because if I do think that way, then whenever I do have a set back, I feel as if I've failed, I "should" (there's that word again) be cured. And that's just doesn't work for me.

It's taken us years to develope these habits, it will take a while to unlearn, it'll probably be the hardest work you do in your life ( for me it has been), but it's work that's worth doing.

I've done the prgram at different times over the past 10 years, each time I learn something new. And it never ceases to be relevant. There just isn't a quick fix.

- Kristen

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 10:12 am

Great words of encouragement from the both of you, thanks. I've spent a lot of time seeing things from the negative, I was raised to see the world from the negative, I have a physical disablity that constantly lets me feel the negative, and are all a challenge to move past.

When you talk about the work involved though, it seems impossible. But then I should expect those same results. I swear though, thinking positive, not dwelling on the negative is so against my normal way of thinking, it's almost like telling someone that if they reach their hand into the fire, it won't get burned.

I guess I'm also very eager to be able to check a box that says I've come this far, and can move from there. Those darned expectations!!