okkkkkkk thought i've been doing ok for a while...positive thinking, exercise, meditation, yoga, eating well, being social...
But tonight i really lost it...let all the sadness i've been trying to push aside erupt, let all the anxieties come to the surface...
1 - coming off antidepressants due to possible heart problems
2 - high stress job - where mistakes are high consequence and i feel overwhelmed by the what if's - i don't make too many mistakes, but even the occassional one could really hurt someone...
..I talk to suicidal people at my job...and I can really connect and help which feels good, but after the phone is hung up I am still affected - concerned for them,,, worried, then depressed...feels too close to home,really care about the people i talk to.. feel overwhelmed with the need to get them support...
3 - in a relationship for 2 yrs,,,my 38 yr old boyfriend is living with his mom and is allergic to my cat so we have no privacy..and i can't keep spending all my free time with him and his mom..no matter how it got to that point, even tho there is many complex reasons...
4 - i feel when i just need a hug i don't have anyone to give it..
5 - i feel like i'm going crazy...just felt like maybe i should be calling the hospital...cause maybe i'm not just depressed i'm becoming schizophrenic and delusional
6 - feel like my body is dying all around me...which it is to a certain extent...but have real fears about my heart,, being investigated currently,, and about my brain, which has a lesion, maybe no big deal,
7 - most of all my state of mind and my mood,,, so inconsistent i can't count on myself and it is killing me...
8 - traumatised by my previous favourite sport,,which used to get me thru a lot,, due to a stalker at the practice place. I'm still so flooded with emotion when i go to train,, it is massively draining and i can't focus or concentrate, i get really overwhelmed and want to cry or do cry and want to leave or do leave... and also grieving for this loss at the same time... want to be able to enjoy it.
9 - massive acid reflux, painful all day...and getting carpal tunnel...painful wrist, FFFFF why is it such an uphill battle? fffffffff
Yesterday ,, Had a great day yesterday comparatively... but feels like sooooooooo much work and such a delicate balance... how am i ready to check myself into the psych ward today? When yesterday I felt fine...
I can't take this roller coaster and neither can the people in my life. When i'm upset it upsets them and then i want to tell them to f off and leave me alone forever. I can't trust anyone to just understand my anxiety and how it makes me act and how it makes me feel....and how devastating this is to me...
I don't think i've even touched on all my stresses but those are the most common ones that keep popping up AGAIN And AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN in my head...
some perspective please? some prayers.? maybe good drugs?? ahhahahah
overwhelmmmmmmmmmmmmmmed Perspective please!
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Guest
Hey fightback 76,
I just wanted you to know, it's all gonna be alright, you do have alot on your plate, but lets take it one thing at a time.
First the antidepressants, it's to be expected your feeling the way you do, drugs can have crazy side effects, and they can cause hormonal imbalances,mood swings, ups and downs, and some people, ( i know I am) VERY sensitive to hormone fluxations, which is happening you to you now while your body tries to wean off. It may last a while, weeks, months depending how long you've been on.
I understand the heart issues, I thought I was having heart attacks, I do have a valve that doesn't close all the way, but several ER visits, EKG's, Heart Ultrasound, Halter monitor, Two ER doctors, and one cardiologist later, the pain in my chest, the numbness down my left arm and numbness/ tingling in my face, all stress.
As for work, while you may enjoy it, it also sounds like a source of anxiety.
Remember you can only do so much then people have to WANT to take the next step, so do what you can in YOUR power, then give yourself permission to let it go. LET GO, LET GOD!
If you want, keep a journal, write down their names, (maybe just first names,) those your concerned about, and then pray for them, and ask God to take over,for God to give them guidance. God can take care of them better than you or I.
Being caring is a wonderful trait, it makes you good at your job, but your realizing your empathy is making you sick. Realize you can't control others, only yourself, so do what you can, but once you hang up, pray, and move on.
If you want add their name to a prayer list, leave it at work , and in the morning or on your lunch, take 10 minutes pray for them, for thier needs, and then go on with your day. That way your 'helping' but leave it on the prayer list, at work, and give it to the one who created them, and set the heavens and earth in motion in the first place.God created us,and the universe, i'm sure he can handle those who seek you at work, he already knows what's going on with them, and you.
Also YOUR NOT CRAZY! A therapist once told me "Truely crazy people aren't aware their crazy". Crazy people are wearing garbage bags, and talking to streetlights, their oblivious that what their doing is even unusual.
Anxious people however are Acutely aware of ALL their emotions,, sound familiar? we're VERY sane. Too sane.
Also I've known schizophrenic people, and their much happier than you and I. So since your feeling crappy, your highly unlikely schizophrenic. =)
As for the Acid reflux, (which could be playing into your heart problems by the way.) DGL deglycerized licorice, chewables availible at a health food store, are excellant to put back the natural mucos lining of the stomach to ease acid.
Watch your caffeine intake, also food combinations, too much tomatos,( in any form) and fruit can irriatate your stomach, add them back in after taking the licorice a while.
really cut back on the coffee, soda, tea, anything high in caffeine.
Sorry to hear about the stalker, I've had one actually, freak ya out! no easy answer, but don't think of giving up your sport completely, just think, i'm taking a break, then grab a friend, and find a buddy sport to go with you, or join a gym in a well lit public place. Pray for peace and resolve on that one, just know you don't have to give it up forever though.
Also don't know if you have the program, Combatting Stress and Depression Program, but it's huge help. for just recognizing some of the stuff going on with you. Also the book 'Panic to Power" Fabulous, you will find parts of you in those pages.
Also do you have a counselor right now?
SOmeone who can just listen and give a healthy unbiased viewpoint? They can help you sort through some complex issues too.
As for lashing out, ask my husband about that one. I used to be so angry at myself for feeling outta control, and frustrated that he couldn't figure out what to do, or say to make me feel better. We were married, he lived with me for petes sake! Couldn't he figure me out!?!?!
Then I realized my behavior was pushing him away, even though he loved me, and he said somthing that helped us both ALOT.
"just tell me what your thinking, and what you want from me, I can't read your thoughts, but I love you and want to help. "
So I do now, I say, "i'm feeling anxious, or I just need a hug,or I"m sad right now, could you hold me? or"my anxiety is really high and I don't know why".
He may not know what to say, but he's more tolerant, if I just let him in, talk and tell him , " I know you can't fix my problem, but if you let me talk, I'll feel better". He's a good listener.
I was so scared that if I was that brutally honest, he'd go screaming for the hills, and think I was nuts. But he didn't. He just sits there, listens, gives me a hug, (sometimes I have to ask) but he just lets me cry it out.
You'd be surprised if you just be vulnerable and say, " idon't know whats wrong, but I need to cry and need a hug", people around you will be more willing to listen and stick around.
I really hope some of the above will help,
I don't expect to solve all of your problems, but just know your not alone, your doing the right thing by just recognizing stressful things in your life, there is hope,
and I already prayed for some peace and understanding in your life, remember you won't always feel this way. Hang in there!
Much peace and prayers to you, stay in touch on your progress!
AlaskanAmber
Phillipians 4;6 " Do not worry, do not be anxious about anything, but in all things, through prayer and petition and with thanksgiving present your requests to god, so that the lord of peace may guard your heart and mind in christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is beautiful, excellant or praiseworthy, think on these things. "
I just wanted you to know, it's all gonna be alright, you do have alot on your plate, but lets take it one thing at a time.
First the antidepressants, it's to be expected your feeling the way you do, drugs can have crazy side effects, and they can cause hormonal imbalances,mood swings, ups and downs, and some people, ( i know I am) VERY sensitive to hormone fluxations, which is happening you to you now while your body tries to wean off. It may last a while, weeks, months depending how long you've been on.
I understand the heart issues, I thought I was having heart attacks, I do have a valve that doesn't close all the way, but several ER visits, EKG's, Heart Ultrasound, Halter monitor, Two ER doctors, and one cardiologist later, the pain in my chest, the numbness down my left arm and numbness/ tingling in my face, all stress.
As for work, while you may enjoy it, it also sounds like a source of anxiety.
Remember you can only do so much then people have to WANT to take the next step, so do what you can in YOUR power, then give yourself permission to let it go. LET GO, LET GOD!
If you want, keep a journal, write down their names, (maybe just first names,) those your concerned about, and then pray for them, and ask God to take over,for God to give them guidance. God can take care of them better than you or I.
Being caring is a wonderful trait, it makes you good at your job, but your realizing your empathy is making you sick. Realize you can't control others, only yourself, so do what you can, but once you hang up, pray, and move on.
If you want add their name to a prayer list, leave it at work , and in the morning or on your lunch, take 10 minutes pray for them, for thier needs, and then go on with your day. That way your 'helping' but leave it on the prayer list, at work, and give it to the one who created them, and set the heavens and earth in motion in the first place.God created us,and the universe, i'm sure he can handle those who seek you at work, he already knows what's going on with them, and you.
Also YOUR NOT CRAZY! A therapist once told me "Truely crazy people aren't aware their crazy". Crazy people are wearing garbage bags, and talking to streetlights, their oblivious that what their doing is even unusual.
Anxious people however are Acutely aware of ALL their emotions,, sound familiar? we're VERY sane. Too sane.
Also I've known schizophrenic people, and their much happier than you and I. So since your feeling crappy, your highly unlikely schizophrenic. =)
As for the Acid reflux, (which could be playing into your heart problems by the way.) DGL deglycerized licorice, chewables availible at a health food store, are excellant to put back the natural mucos lining of the stomach to ease acid.
Watch your caffeine intake, also food combinations, too much tomatos,( in any form) and fruit can irriatate your stomach, add them back in after taking the licorice a while.
really cut back on the coffee, soda, tea, anything high in caffeine.
Sorry to hear about the stalker, I've had one actually, freak ya out! no easy answer, but don't think of giving up your sport completely, just think, i'm taking a break, then grab a friend, and find a buddy sport to go with you, or join a gym in a well lit public place. Pray for peace and resolve on that one, just know you don't have to give it up forever though.
Also don't know if you have the program, Combatting Stress and Depression Program, but it's huge help. for just recognizing some of the stuff going on with you. Also the book 'Panic to Power" Fabulous, you will find parts of you in those pages.
Also do you have a counselor right now?
SOmeone who can just listen and give a healthy unbiased viewpoint? They can help you sort through some complex issues too.
As for lashing out, ask my husband about that one. I used to be so angry at myself for feeling outta control, and frustrated that he couldn't figure out what to do, or say to make me feel better. We were married, he lived with me for petes sake! Couldn't he figure me out!?!?!
Then I realized my behavior was pushing him away, even though he loved me, and he said somthing that helped us both ALOT.
"just tell me what your thinking, and what you want from me, I can't read your thoughts, but I love you and want to help. "
So I do now, I say, "i'm feeling anxious, or I just need a hug,or I"m sad right now, could you hold me? or"my anxiety is really high and I don't know why".
He may not know what to say, but he's more tolerant, if I just let him in, talk and tell him , " I know you can't fix my problem, but if you let me talk, I'll feel better". He's a good listener.
I was so scared that if I was that brutally honest, he'd go screaming for the hills, and think I was nuts. But he didn't. He just sits there, listens, gives me a hug, (sometimes I have to ask) but he just lets me cry it out.
You'd be surprised if you just be vulnerable and say, " idon't know whats wrong, but I need to cry and need a hug", people around you will be more willing to listen and stick around.
I really hope some of the above will help,
I don't expect to solve all of your problems, but just know your not alone, your doing the right thing by just recognizing stressful things in your life, there is hope,
and I already prayed for some peace and understanding in your life, remember you won't always feel this way. Hang in there!
Much peace and prayers to you, stay in touch on your progress!
AlaskanAmber
Phillipians 4;6 " Do not worry, do not be anxious about anything, but in all things, through prayer and petition and with thanksgiving present your requests to god, so that the lord of peace may guard your heart and mind in christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is beautiful, excellant or praiseworthy, think on these things. "
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Guest
AlaskanAmber.............just reading your post after having had a solid night's sleep,,,
1st of all, I am much calmer than last night, and last night almost seems like a blur. Like a different person...I was so upset I can barely relate to that today...
2nd - I want to thank you....really thank you, for offering such sincere, solid, excellent advice. The fact you took the time to read what i wrote and really respond point by point with good judgement, empathy and useful suggestions means a lot to me. That is really what I needed more than anything last night...and sometimes the people closest to you, for whatever reason, are not equipped to do this.
I do think the heart issues could be stress and med related, i have started to see a decrease in resting heart rate after decreasing antidepressants. but boy even the smallest decrease really does affect me emotionally....so taking it very slow...
And the job...absolutely,, i really need a strategy to let go of the people in need...i love your idea of the prayer list...I think i need to do something concrete so i can mentally let go and move forward without my heart aching all day for their pain,,,I can so relate to their pain and hopelessness, i guess i feel scared that they won't get the help they need when i hang up sometimes,,,but who better to ask to help than God?
I do have the program, have gone thru it 2x,, and i feel i am a highly functional but still highly anxious person. I do get a lot of relief from the constant anxiety thru exercise, deep breathing, meditation, hypnosis,, practicing positive thinking...but still feel i have a long way to go in terms of this being second nature. It is a big conscious effort, and when i make a mistake, or run out of energy,, i end up crying and depressed like i was last night....
I see a psychiatrist, who i think considers me one of her not too urgent patients, and likes to prescribe drugs. No counseling there... I was seeing a psychologist, who was actually more helpful, but costly...i don't have any coverage for this right now. But I think I need to try to find the money and make an appt. Last night was a big GONG saying that is a good idea!
And thx for the licorice tip,, will try that right away.
It is so hard for me to ask for what I need,,, you are absolutely right, sometimes i just need someone to be there while i cry it out, but feel they will want to go running for the hills,,,and that makes me upset..don't want to cry on someone who doesn't want to be there...hard for me to trust...
Anyway, today is a new day, gonna try some meditation, plan something nice for the day...and be thankful to God that there are angels like you that are there, helping me along...when things get difficult...
God Bless! Have a wonderful day...you deserve it...
Heather
1st of all, I am much calmer than last night, and last night almost seems like a blur. Like a different person...I was so upset I can barely relate to that today...
2nd - I want to thank you....really thank you, for offering such sincere, solid, excellent advice. The fact you took the time to read what i wrote and really respond point by point with good judgement, empathy and useful suggestions means a lot to me. That is really what I needed more than anything last night...and sometimes the people closest to you, for whatever reason, are not equipped to do this.
I do think the heart issues could be stress and med related, i have started to see a decrease in resting heart rate after decreasing antidepressants. but boy even the smallest decrease really does affect me emotionally....so taking it very slow...
And the job...absolutely,, i really need a strategy to let go of the people in need...i love your idea of the prayer list...I think i need to do something concrete so i can mentally let go and move forward without my heart aching all day for their pain,,,I can so relate to their pain and hopelessness, i guess i feel scared that they won't get the help they need when i hang up sometimes,,,but who better to ask to help than God?
I do have the program, have gone thru it 2x,, and i feel i am a highly functional but still highly anxious person. I do get a lot of relief from the constant anxiety thru exercise, deep breathing, meditation, hypnosis,, practicing positive thinking...but still feel i have a long way to go in terms of this being second nature. It is a big conscious effort, and when i make a mistake, or run out of energy,, i end up crying and depressed like i was last night....
I see a psychiatrist, who i think considers me one of her not too urgent patients, and likes to prescribe drugs. No counseling there... I was seeing a psychologist, who was actually more helpful, but costly...i don't have any coverage for this right now. But I think I need to try to find the money and make an appt. Last night was a big GONG saying that is a good idea!
And thx for the licorice tip,, will try that right away.
It is so hard for me to ask for what I need,,, you are absolutely right, sometimes i just need someone to be there while i cry it out, but feel they will want to go running for the hills,,,and that makes me upset..don't want to cry on someone who doesn't want to be there...hard for me to trust...
Anyway, today is a new day, gonna try some meditation, plan something nice for the day...and be thankful to God that there are angels like you that are there, helping me along...when things get difficult...
God Bless! Have a wonderful day...you deserve it...
Heather
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Guest
Hey heather,
I'm soo glad your having a better day today, yea! I was thinking about your post wondering how you were, we all have good days and bad ones, even though we have the head knowledge. Sometimes I feel worse on the bad days b/c I feel as though I "should know better". ya know?
My sister sees a psychiatrist for drugs, but she felt something was really lacking, he'd listen to her, but she didn't feel as though he was truely helpful. Then she added a christian counselor, just a counselor. She is FABULOUS, i went with her, and this counselor not only listened, but she asked some really smart probing questions, and some positive feedback while challenging her. She's made some good progress.
You sound better, and keep plugging away, one day at a time, keep in touch and let me know how you are. Keep posting too, it's really therapeutic. I've been helped alot from this site, I'm just glad to return the favor to someone, it warms my heart you were helped or comforted. Much peace and prayers to you, have a great weekend. Amber
I'm soo glad your having a better day today, yea! I was thinking about your post wondering how you were, we all have good days and bad ones, even though we have the head knowledge. Sometimes I feel worse on the bad days b/c I feel as though I "should know better". ya know?
My sister sees a psychiatrist for drugs, but she felt something was really lacking, he'd listen to her, but she didn't feel as though he was truely helpful. Then she added a christian counselor, just a counselor. She is FABULOUS, i went with her, and this counselor not only listened, but she asked some really smart probing questions, and some positive feedback while challenging her. She's made some good progress.
You sound better, and keep plugging away, one day at a time, keep in touch and let me know how you are. Keep posting too, it's really therapeutic. I've been helped alot from this site, I'm just glad to return the favor to someone, it warms my heart you were helped or comforted. Much peace and prayers to you, have a great weekend. Amber
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Guest
I forgot one more thing, in the verse phillipians 4:6 theres a key in there, the part where it says, ....whatever is true,noble,righteous, excellant or praisworthy think on THESE things" Lucinda also talks about our unconscience thoughts. Really capture your thoughts, when you find yourself driving down the road, and you catch yourself thinking about somthing not true, or scary, or worse case scenerio, or negative. Stop yourself, ask yourself, 'is this thought true? Is it my current reality? Chances are good, it's not. Stop the thought train, and replace it with a positive thought, even a distraction of a good song on the radio.
I am very guilty of catching myself worrying about "possibilities" and then I notice how tense I feel, and once I tell myself to "relax and go limp," I feel better. Hope this helps. Much peace and prayers to us all, especially you. =) nite.
I am very guilty of catching myself worrying about "possibilities" and then I notice how tense I feel, and once I tell myself to "relax and go limp," I feel better. Hope this helps. Much peace and prayers to us all, especially you. =) nite.
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Guest
Hi Fightback and Alaskan,
Fight back, I truly understand your feelings. I am not a doctor or therapist, but I am a Christian with many friends that I have helped with some simple tips.
I am not saying that what I am about to share with you will heal you, but it may help you get you to your next moment. I like what Alaskan Amber shared with you. Take a look at this older post:
http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ev...=650107531#650107531
The posting noted was back in April, take a look at the posters and the number of postings they had. Do you think may be they may have been helped and decided to try this to make it to the next moment and worked the program?
I have a dear friend in the Lord and we have been friends for over 20 years, and his wife has a msw degree and the highest certifications in the field of social work. What ever they may be, I said I am not a therapist, but I can empathize with the difficulty of the professional ethics that would help both the client and the professional. I think you know what I mean. You mentioned that you needed a hug. (((Heather)))
Give this little seemingly insignificant exercise a try, and Amber also gave you so really good pointers. Here is an audio file I hurriedly put out so you can hear exactly what I meant in the posting I shared about this exercise:
http://aie-llc.com/Sermonettes/Motivational.mp3
I'll send you a pm if it is not blocked with the reason I believe this works.
I am glad that you are feeling better, and I am sorry that I did not see your posting. The world needs more therapist that care, but they also need our love and care. I know that my friends wife did; because she was also overwhelmed and it drove her out of the profession. I call her frequently and let her know that she is appreciated and loved all the time.
I am in agreement with Ambers prayer for you with my Amen! and add my prayer for God continue to bless you with His peace and joy. Amen!
Her is a poem a wrote a few months ago and set on an audio file:
http://aie-llc.com/Poems/OnEaglesWings.mp3
I hope you enjoy it and that it blesses you.
Blessings!
Fight back, I truly understand your feelings. I am not a doctor or therapist, but I am a Christian with many friends that I have helped with some simple tips.
I am not saying that what I am about to share with you will heal you, but it may help you get you to your next moment. I like what Alaskan Amber shared with you. Take a look at this older post:
http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ev...=650107531#650107531
The posting noted was back in April, take a look at the posters and the number of postings they had. Do you think may be they may have been helped and decided to try this to make it to the next moment and worked the program?
I have a dear friend in the Lord and we have been friends for over 20 years, and his wife has a msw degree and the highest certifications in the field of social work. What ever they may be, I said I am not a therapist, but I can empathize with the difficulty of the professional ethics that would help both the client and the professional. I think you know what I mean. You mentioned that you needed a hug. (((Heather)))
Give this little seemingly insignificant exercise a try, and Amber also gave you so really good pointers. Here is an audio file I hurriedly put out so you can hear exactly what I meant in the posting I shared about this exercise:
http://aie-llc.com/Sermonettes/Motivational.mp3
I'll send you a pm if it is not blocked with the reason I believe this works.
I am glad that you are feeling better, and I am sorry that I did not see your posting. The world needs more therapist that care, but they also need our love and care. I know that my friends wife did; because she was also overwhelmed and it drove her out of the profession. I call her frequently and let her know that she is appreciated and loved all the time.
I am in agreement with Ambers prayer for you with my Amen! and add my prayer for God continue to bless you with His peace and joy. Amen!
Her is a poem a wrote a few months ago and set on an audio file:
http://aie-llc.com/Poems/OnEaglesWings.mp3
I hope you enjoy it and that it blesses you.
Blessings!