Why is it so hard to talk to people?

Lavender_rose · Post by **Lavender_rose** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 4:50 pm

Why is it so ghard to connect with others?

K.Denise C · Post by **K.Denise C** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:36 am

I have the very same question! I wish I had an answer to help you. But I too am very interested in some feed back to this question. Our low self-esteem keeps coming to mind so that may have something to do with it. I hope I don't loose track of this post so I can follow up.
Lavender_rose, maybe we'll both learn something

Dughann · Post by **Dughann** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 5:59 am

I have trouble especially talking to people yonger then me or around my age, I never know what to talk about!And how do you meet people? It would really be nice to be able to make friends.

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 8:17 am

Talking is one of many forms of communication. Talking is quite simple if you suspend your internal rehearsing of what the other person is thinking. Talk has two components. The outflow of words and the inflow of words. The second part of talking is listening. Most people thoroughly enjoy talking with those rare few people who are attentive, who are listening, and who respond to what was actually said. You can probably identify with this, since often when we talk with another person, they aren’t listening. They are waiting for us to stop talking so they can talk. That is not a conversation, and none of us enjoy interactions with people who do that. Unfortunately, that is a common way of speaking.

In summary, you will begin to find talking to another is both easy and fulfilling when you also learn and put into practice the two components: Talk and listen. If you are so busy rehearsing what the other person might be thinking about you, or rehearsing what you want to say when they stop talking, you will not enjoy your conversation. Neither will they.

Also, practice looking in the mirror at the expressions on your face when you talk. You want to appear interested in what the other person has to say, too.

Hope this helps.

Laura R_1 · Post by **Laura R_1** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 8:49 am

It is hard because one may not feel comfortable voicing an opinion. I personally do not necessarily have that problem... It depends who it is. Well,I feel that way about a person I care about. I have found it incredibly hard. Max does not help much either. Often times he is content to listen and not answer. If I ask him something he will look down and answer. I beleive he has feelings for me but does not know what to do. We are both icredible shy with each other but not with others. Who knows??

missgsr · Post by **missgsr** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:04 am

I always feel like people aren't interested in what I'm talking about.

I also feel like I'm struggling to find something to talk about.

K.Denise C · Post by **K.Denise C** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:42 pm

Pecos: Thanks so much for your words of wisdom and encouragement. Hats off to this veteran

Are you completed with the program? What you said about wondering what the other person is thinking of me while talking back is exactly what I do. I had that experience at church Sunday. By the time it I was done analizing what they thought of me, I had crawled back in my inner shell and was self consious of talking anymore. I want to be liked by fun, bubbly people yet I don't contribute that to any relationship. I know that's the way I want to become, someone people want to get to know and have a friendship and conversation with.

roadblock79 · Post by **roadblock79** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:49 pm

To me lots of things have changed, people seem not quite as open? Email, Cellphones lost in their own little world, or our we lost in our own, I have a problem too, talking to new people

Ciara · Post by **Ciara** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:52 pm

Pecos your advice was so helpful. also it helps if you can find a way to relax when you are talking to someone. i have that problem all of the time though, its like my brain won't work..

jewelnrs · Post by **jewelnrs** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 4:02 pm

I have many opportunities to connect with people but I seem to have a difficult time just starting the conversation. Once I am talking with someone, I do analyze everything and seem to continue on and on.