Help! My child will be 8. I love my child. I spend time with my child. Yet, I suffer from depression. How do I not spread this depression to my child?
Thanks
I don't want to spread my depression to my child!
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Guest
It's a tough one, I agree. I believe that my children and I are together because we have things to learn from each other, so somehow they are getting what they need to from me, regardless of the depression.
But talk about worry, guilt and obsessive thoughts! I don't take my children out enough, I let them watch too much tv, I don't play enough with them, I'm not active enough in their schools, I'm not consistent enough with following through on discipline and chores, their clothes aren't ironed, their rooms are sooo messy, I don't keep the house tidy enough their cousins and friends are involved in more activities than they are, I'm not social enough for my kids to pick up appropriate social behaviours..... oops, sorry -- once the tape gets going it's hard to stop....
I'm divorced, and my ex prefers to play a favourite uncle role rather than a father, so with the responsibility of parenting solely on me the concern about the impact of my depression on my girls is always lurking in the background. I've never talked to them about it because I didn't want them to worry, and I have no idea what was going through their heads 3 years ago when I could barely get out of bed, let alone get showered and dressed, for nearly a year. Though I was chatting with my eldest a while ago about laundry, and how it's important to fold and put away immediately so that we never get into the situation we were in a few years ago when I was just dumping the clean laundry onto the bed in the spare room week after week. It ended up that nearly all of our clothes were in a mountainous heap on the spare room bed for several months.
My memory of this is filled with mortification, but my daughter's reaction? She laughed. "I remember that" she said. "That was fun!" And she meant it -- go figure!
So, my positive thought to counter the battery of negative ones: My children may be growing up in an atypical, less than perfect environment, but they are confident and secure in my deep and unconditional love for them, which is more than a lot of kids have.
And they are comfortable with observing and expressing the gamut of emotions -- something I never learned as a child! They can be with tears with compassion instead of embarrassment. They're still learning the constructive piece about conflict, but, hey, they're sisters and they are always going to bicker.
I hear you, and I'm with you -- we all want to raise our children in the healthiest, most positive environment we can, and for us, that's just going to have to be within the context of depression. We may not have a lot of energy or laughter, but we do have the single most important element of a healthy, positive environment: our love.
Your child will grow up to be the unique individual he or she is meant to be.
But talk about worry, guilt and obsessive thoughts! I don't take my children out enough, I let them watch too much tv, I don't play enough with them, I'm not active enough in their schools, I'm not consistent enough with following through on discipline and chores, their clothes aren't ironed, their rooms are sooo messy, I don't keep the house tidy enough their cousins and friends are involved in more activities than they are, I'm not social enough for my kids to pick up appropriate social behaviours..... oops, sorry -- once the tape gets going it's hard to stop....
I'm divorced, and my ex prefers to play a favourite uncle role rather than a father, so with the responsibility of parenting solely on me the concern about the impact of my depression on my girls is always lurking in the background. I've never talked to them about it because I didn't want them to worry, and I have no idea what was going through their heads 3 years ago when I could barely get out of bed, let alone get showered and dressed, for nearly a year. Though I was chatting with my eldest a while ago about laundry, and how it's important to fold and put away immediately so that we never get into the situation we were in a few years ago when I was just dumping the clean laundry onto the bed in the spare room week after week. It ended up that nearly all of our clothes were in a mountainous heap on the spare room bed for several months.
My memory of this is filled with mortification, but my daughter's reaction? She laughed. "I remember that" she said. "That was fun!" And she meant it -- go figure!
So, my positive thought to counter the battery of negative ones: My children may be growing up in an atypical, less than perfect environment, but they are confident and secure in my deep and unconditional love for them, which is more than a lot of kids have.
And they are comfortable with observing and expressing the gamut of emotions -- something I never learned as a child! They can be with tears with compassion instead of embarrassment. They're still learning the constructive piece about conflict, but, hey, they're sisters and they are always going to bicker.
I hear you, and I'm with you -- we all want to raise our children in the healthiest, most positive environment we can, and for us, that's just going to have to be within the context of depression. We may not have a lot of energy or laughter, but we do have the single most important element of a healthy, positive environment: our love.
Your child will grow up to be the unique individual he or she is meant to be.
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Guest
Dear SongWriter,
I have a slightly different spin on your post. The way to NOT spread depression onto your child is to not be depressed yourself. It is wonderful I think that you have identified your depression and now I think you should do something about it.
I hope I do not get blasted here but I am going to take my chances anyway and from your post I understand that I know so very little.
I do know that negative thinking is a bad habit which almost always leads to depression and when our thinking is challenged and turned around our depression lifts as well.
The only way in my opinion that you could spread depression onto your child is to teach her negative thinking. And negative thinking is easy to turn around once you have the proper tools such as this program.
I believe that you owe it to yourself and your child to do what it takes to overcome your depression. You both deserve more than that and depression is not your enemy, negative thinking is.
Depression is a combination of negative thinking and chemical imbalances. So is it possible for you to go through the program from beginning to end and actually cure your depression by changing your negative thinking?
Why not go through the program with your child? What better gift could you give but to ensure happiness and self confidence in an 8 year old well into there future.
And don't we all wish our parents had not only recognized depression and anxiety in themselves and us, but actually took a proactive approach to overcoming it.
And if they had I do not believe this forum would even exist.
I have a slightly different spin on your post. The way to NOT spread depression onto your child is to not be depressed yourself. It is wonderful I think that you have identified your depression and now I think you should do something about it.
I hope I do not get blasted here but I am going to take my chances anyway and from your post I understand that I know so very little.
I do know that negative thinking is a bad habit which almost always leads to depression and when our thinking is challenged and turned around our depression lifts as well.
The only way in my opinion that you could spread depression onto your child is to teach her negative thinking. And negative thinking is easy to turn around once you have the proper tools such as this program.
I believe that you owe it to yourself and your child to do what it takes to overcome your depression. You both deserve more than that and depression is not your enemy, negative thinking is.
Depression is a combination of negative thinking and chemical imbalances. So is it possible for you to go through the program from beginning to end and actually cure your depression by changing your negative thinking?
Why not go through the program with your child? What better gift could you give but to ensure happiness and self confidence in an 8 year old well into there future.
And don't we all wish our parents had not only recognized depression and anxiety in themselves and us, but actually took a proactive approach to overcoming it.
And if they had I do not believe this forum would even exist.
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Guest
The answer is: through knowledge.
Children are only afraid of that which they don't understand (like all of us). Once you show them that there are no monsters under the bed and that it's all right to be feeling this way occasionally, they can usually handle things pretty well.
There must be some children's books on sad in the library, on grieving, on being tired, grumpy and no fun.
Children above all just want to feel safe.
If you're depressed, maybe both of you laying down and hugging in bed would help keep the blues away.
Talk about "Hope" What you would like to do after you get all the rest you need. What the both of you could do together when you get your strength back.
Children are only afraid of that which they don't understand (like all of us). Once you show them that there are no monsters under the bed and that it's all right to be feeling this way occasionally, they can usually handle things pretty well.
There must be some children's books on sad in the library, on grieving, on being tired, grumpy and no fun.
Children above all just want to feel safe.
If you're depressed, maybe both of you laying down and hugging in bed would help keep the blues away.
Talk about "Hope" What you would like to do after you get all the rest you need. What the both of you could do together when you get your strength back.
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EMMAtophobia
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Tue May 13, 2008 9:02 am
When my children were young, if my depression seemed especially deep that day, I would just drop what I was doing and do something fun with them. It would help them and me both to get out of the house and go to the park or something. Watch funny movies together. Plan some time each week to do something fun together. Watch for opportunities to share what you are learning through the program. I have also worried because depression can be hereditary. My youngest is now 15. I have tried to instill the importance of proper diet, exercise, regular sleep habits and positive thinking. Since they are all old enough to understand, I have also talked to them a little about depression being hereditary and that there is no shame in seeking help for it or taking medication for it if needed.