Borderline Personality Disorder...I need help!

Lazzzycat · Post by **Lazzzycat** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:53 am

I just received my kit and so I haven't gotten too far into the program. But in the mean time I have a really bad situation that I don't know how to deal with. It is a very long story so I will do my best to make it as condensed as possible.

I would appreciate it if there is someone out there who can relate to me and my situation and who would be willing to give me some advice. I would greatly appreciate it!

Anyway, I got married (1986) when I was 22 years old. We were separated about 6 years (1992) later and divorced another 7 years after that(1999). My ex got remarried, I never did. Mostly because I have made a disaster out of every relationship since then.

In June, I found out that he was divorced in December and so I contacted him. We have two children together and we had not heard from him in 14 years. I know....how stupid of me to bring him back into our lives. I believe in forgiveness and besides I had a lot to do with all of it. His being in the military 21 years didn't help either.

So, for about a month everything was too good to be true. We fell in love and we had talked about getting remarried. But...it is not so anymore. First of all I live in Iowa and he lives in Oregon. He was planning to move out here in December (lease on his apartment is his reason for waiting.) But recently, he has discovered that his ex wife really messed him over financially. He comes from a very wealthy family and is the only one without an education or any wealth of any kind...so, he feels like a failure. Now with the added financial stress his depression is out of control and he believes his life is over. Plus he works about 12-18 hours a day in a very unhealthy environment. He has started drinking and has been threatening to hurt himself. He refuses to get help. I do nothing but worry myself sick about him and I often have so much pain and pressure in my chest I feel like I am having a heart attack.

So, I started doing the research on his condition and I honestly believe that he suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. So, I got a book called "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and I began to read it. I was reading both our auto biographys! I know I have it. I am so upset about it. I have sought out treatment in the past, but I never followed through with it...but I am so desperate to get out of this prison that I am in because I just can't live this way anymore. Besides how can I be any good to the ones I love if I am so trapped and so screwed up? Yes, I want to help my ex, but I also need to be there for my kids as they mature into adulthood.

Anyway, I went to a counselor yesterday, but I ended up getting mad and walking out. I have no patience for a person with a condescending manner who chatters on endlessly without a saying anything meaningful. He never even asked me anything about what is going on with me. I was so angry!

I have been to counseling so many times in the past, but I have never stuck with it. How do I make myself do it? I don't understand myself at those times when I give up. I don't understand myself when I am desperate for help either as I am now.

I guess what I need is someone who knows about Borderline Personality Disorder who will be willing to talk...not just for me, but for each other to throw around some ideas on getting better and to support each other.

My biggest issue that I am dealing with right now is abandonment. I can't cope with these feelings anymore! It is screwing up my whole life and my health. I feel this way every time I get into a potential relationship with someone and I read in the book that these feelings are unjustified and that it is me having unrealistic thoughts and fears. It is so bad! I scare even women away! I have no friends and my family and I are not close at all. I do have a very good relationship with my kids but that is only because I cover everthing up because I don't want to appear weak to them. They are the only ones I can do that with. Everyone else thinks I am all these bad things that I know I am not. I just can't deal with it anymore because I am about to be alone once my daughter moves out and I don't know what to do.

I really hope there is someone out there that can help!

I don't know if we are supposed to give out email addresses or not...but mine is cathornburg@hotmail.com. I don't have an IM thingy yet...but I am going to set one up sometime this weekend.

So, thank you in advance. I look forward to getting to know some of you.

Lazzzycat
(and I am not lazy...I have cats and that is what they are and sometimes I envy their ability to just lay around and do nothing

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:26 am

Hey there...I'm sorry you are having a rough time right now. I really believe you should focus on YOU right now and your recovery. This is just my oppinun(mispelled). I would really work on the program. Make sure you do the relaxation cd! You have to make time for it...I know how hard it is but I promise it's worth it. It can really help you to calm down and relax. Something you will hear Lucinda say several times is...WE ALL have the same 24hrs. It's up to you to make time for things that are important.
The only thing I can say about Borderline Personality disorder is this....I was put on bi-polar medicine once and it did nothing for me. Now I am on a mood stabilizer that I've been taking well over 2yrs. I don't think it's working either....But I will tell you something that is working and it is This Program!!
You can change your mood swings if that is what your having. This program will tell you how. You just have to be patient and do it one week at a time. My mood swings are almost gone and I'm only on session 11...Halaluah!!! It's all in the way "WE THINK" about things.
I hope that helps. Good-luck with everything

Lew · Post by **Lew** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:46 am

Hey this is a helpful post. I have been told I have like six disorders and took many medications. In three weeks this program has been more helpful than any medication. Thank you for responding to her post because it has helped me as well.

God Bless,
Kristina

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 4:35 am

OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't evaluate, categorize and diagnose yourself or your ex-husband with BPD. There are several very good standard evaluations which (in my professional opinion) should only be provided by counselors with specific training in psychometrics. People can jump at me all day long for that opinion, doesn't matter to me. I've been in this field for 30+ years. Even if a person falls into a BPD range on a standard evaluation which is administered correctly, they may need to be reevaluated after a period of therapy to determine if the evaluation was measuring other behaviors specific to the person's life at the time. As for counselors or doctors who don't help, fire them and get another one. You would not keep going back to a mechanic who could never fix your car, would you?
All of that aside, since you already have this program, go back to GO, start it from day one, apply all the rules of study in the guidebooks. Don't short change yourself. I bet you don't have BPD, and I bet you will work your way out of this unhappy place eventually, just by using this program. Sweep out all that self evaluation thinking you've got going on. Do this program. Don't mix it with things that don't help you. If something helps, you are the first to know it. That is my opinion. I'd rather see you overcome this thinking than sit in a wrong diagnosis and do more harm to yourself with that type of negative thinking.
If you really are worried about BPD, see a professional for the standard evaluation.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Sep 28, 2008 11:18 pm

Pecos has some great points!

That being said, check out the book "Get Me Out of Here" by Rachel Reiland. It's a fantastic memoir of a woman with BPD and her recovery process. It really puts you into the mind of someone with BPD. I don't have BPD, thank God!!!, but I simply loved the book!

Good luck!

Genie