Depression and relationships

Gilles Blais · Post by **Gilles Blais** » Sun Oct 18, 2009 3:09 pm

Originally posted by susan gp:
Hello, don't know if anyone is still on this topic since it was started in june! I am on my second week and have been having a very difficult time with the recent separation of my spouse a couple months back! I know that he has lost all love for me secondary to my depression! He has said so! I just hope that this program will help me be better so the same doesn't occur with my children!

Hi my name is Gilles. You may not be able to
save your relationship. What you need to do is
find yourself first. You need to practice and
change your negative behaviors and beliefs. This takes a lot of work. But you can do it!
I understand your challenges very clearly. Please call me so we can discuss your issues.
I'm more than happy to help you. (705)522-4961
Give me a call.
Gilles

Maria Angie · Post by **Maria Angie** » Sun Oct 18, 2009 4:18 pm

Wow, I understand all of this completely. Sometimes I feel I dont deserve anyone because I dont know that I could love them. My emotions seem to be a roller coaster. I broke up with the last boyfriend I had, but I cant seem to totally let him go. I feel so messed up.

Also once when I met a new guy at a dance, we met and talked at several dances and he seemed really interested. Then I made the mistake of telling him I suffered from depression and anxiety and he told me "You seem so normal, I thought you were normal", and I never saw him again. Now I am afraid to talk to other men about it...

Seeking Help Jen · Post by **Seeking Help Jen** » Wed Oct 21, 2009 8:04 am

I too have been through this struggle and am still going through it. I will reflect on Session 3, because I believe this is the reason our relationships sometimes don't work.
1. All or nothing thinking
2. Negative predictions
3. Filtering information negatively
4. Mind Reading
5. Shoulds
6. Over generalized thinking

At first my breakup put me into this frenzy of thinking "If he really loved me, he would deal with it." "True love perseveres."

The reality is that for anyone who hasn't been through what we go through on a daily basis, it's hard to understand. It's frustrating for them. Imagine someone trying to love you and they feel as though they just don't do anything to make you happy. Sometimes they truly think they can pull you out of it, but they can't.

It's very hard for everyone involved. We really do need to love ourselves before we can love someone else.

The last thing you want to do is change for someone else. You need to change for you!

boriz52 · Post by **boriz52** » Wed Nov 18, 2009 6:42 am

I go through the same thing when I enter into a relationship. I really like this person and I know that I want to be with them, and then I get so afraid that I do not tell them and I imagine all sorts of negativity. Like she will reject me, I am not in her league, she is dating someone else, we aren't meant to be, it's not natural and I am in torment because I really like her alot. It is my own distorted thinking and staying in this state of mind because I fear that I am not good enough and that I do not deserve a long-lasing, healthy and loving relationship. I turn it off because of past hurt and getting hurt again. Plus I have trust issues.

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Wed Nov 18, 2009 7:43 am

Hi boriz52. I believe all change we make, whether for ourselves or others, is because we reach a pivotal point of suffering, and we simply don't want to continue along that path of suffering anymore. Distorted thinking doesn't always come from us. Other people have distorted thinking, too. If you can communicate openly and freely enough with a person to share a bit of your fear, and they can share a few of their fears, and you both recognize hurt comes with life ... we will never escape being hurt, then you will be living successfully in the precious present moment. I hope you trust yourself enough to just experience each moment and see what comes next. Trust is a gift we give ourselves, and there will never be guarantees that what we do, who we choose, or where we go is always going to work out. But the journey can be good, too. Best of luck to you.

giga247 · Post by **giga247** » Fri Nov 20, 2009 1:40 am

hello i also have a problem with depression im trying to get better with this program. i am married with a son but as i try to get out of depression i notice my husband going into one and since i can't help myself i don't know how to help him and im scared that it could realy ruion our relationship! anyone have advice?

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Fri Nov 20, 2009 9:08 am

Hi giga247. Good for you for noticing and caring that your husband is slipping into depression, as well. Both of you can work on this program. You cannot implement his changes, nor his ascent out of depression, only he can do that. But you can get better, and in observing and experiencing your progress, hopefully he will want to join you.