Newbie with a question

KUKU · Post by **KUKU** » Mon Jun 01, 2009 12:16 pm

Hello everyone...just started session 3 and I have a question that I hope someone can give me some guidance on. I am 3 1/2 years into a reconciliation with my husband. He absolutely cannot or willnot (not sure which) discuss anything about his affair or anything dealing with it. After looking over my negative thoughts for a while, they seem to be more related to issues with that than anything else. Any advice????

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jun 01, 2009 2:38 pm

I am not sure I have any advice other than understanding. I think it's normal for you to want information, who wouldn't? But you'll never get the whole story, even if he were to tell you something, whatever he does tell you, you will massage it in your mind with your feelings and opinions of that information which will cause further emotional distress.

Have you ever forgiven him? That would definitely be the first step toward your own sanity!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jun 02, 2009 5:19 am

Hi KUKU,
I admire you for giving your marriage a second chance; however I really don't think knowing the details of the past is going to help in any way. We are learning in this program that we cannot control the past, but we can control the present. If you are dwelling on the infidelity, you are still allowing the other party to come between you and your husband.

I hope this makes some sense to you. I am twice divorced because of cheating husbands. That is why I admire you and your husband for working on your relationship.