Am I Depressed or Sad?

[peaceandjoy7]

I have posted several other things before about my marriage falling apart with my Egyptian husband of seven years. We went to court last Tuesday and it seems like it is really going to go through. He even lied about me saying I threw his clothes around so he could get a restraining order against me so he can have privacy in his house, even though the house is also under my name and I only go there a few times a week. The problem is that I feel really depressed. I think about him all the time and I feel so sad and lonely. My mother has tried to console me and I feel better for a little while and than something reminds me of him and I'm depressed again. I had so much built up into our future. I wanted to finally have a baby with him. We had two miscarrigages, he has told me a total of three times he wanted to divorce me, we were about to go through with an infertility session and two weeks before when he saw the bank transactions and what I had spent the last year he wanted a divorce. Than a few days later he changed his mind and than he went back to be cold to me again. He suggested I stay at my Mom's house for a few weeks because maybe that would help me. He couldn't forgive me I guess because two weeks later he finally called me and told me we're two different people and he didn't want to stay married any more. The problem is that I found out lot's of things about him. He was deceptive to me. He went out clubbing, he went to a strip club and also he went to a casino. In my relgion these things are very wrong. It hurts so bad because part of me still loves him, but it is the sweet man that married me that was usually kind and fun, I don't know this man any more. He is cold, uncaring and seems like he hates me. I feel as though he wouldn't care if I was in a ancident and had to taken to the intensive care unit. I know this is awful to say, but I honestly don't know what he'd do. Maybe he'd come see me, but may not. I just feel so sad inside my heart. Little things will come up that remind my of a time I shared with him and than I think of that time and the hope I had for things to come to be better, and now I'm alone at my Mom's house, I just have my job and school, a soon to be ex-husband who doesn't love me any more or care about me, and an uncertain future. All I wanted was to have a loving relationship with a husband, be good with god and raise a nice family, but it seems like these dreams of mine will never come true as they do for other people. I'm thirty three and every day I'm getting older, getting closer to 34 and it is scary. I have been so tired lately, it is hard to get up in the morning, motivate myself to do anything,espcecially my school work and I just feel so empty inside and all alone. Last Friday my blood pressure was really low and I've never seen this happen before. I checked it out at CVS the first time was 89 over 60 and than 79 over 49. Someone told me they aren't always callibrated correctly, but it scared me. What is going on with me? How can I overcome this and be happy again?

[sunnyweather]

I definitely think that you are depressed. You should see your doctor, really.

So far as taking your blood pressure in a pharmacy... no, you cannot rely on those machines. It could be a cuff problem, calibration problem, etc. Stop by a fire station and they will take it, gladly, for free, if you don't go to your doctor. But, the #'s you gave are pretty low, and you should get it checked by a professional with proper equipment. (I can tell you this, as I am an RN, and so often patients come into the office freaking out over their BP's *after taking them on pharmacy machines*, and when taken properly, their BP is most oftentimes just fine.

I am sorry about what you are going through. Unfortunately, most of us have had broken hearts and feel that we are "doomed", but their are times when medical intervention is called for. By reading your post, I really think you should see your doctor and tell him what you are experiencing. It certainly wouldn't hurt...and, it just might help! Maybe an antidepressant, short term, to get your through it all will help.

Keeping you in prayer..

[Lew]

Thank you for your kind post, I did see a Dr. after the low reading I got because when I went to work I saw stars when I raised up into a standing position and my boss was concerned. I drove myself right over to the office two minutes away and I was a nervous wreck over my BP being so low so when the nurse saw me it was 122 over 80 and than she with a pulse of 96 (nerves) and than she did it again 10 minutes later and it was 122 over 74 and my pulse was down to 74-80 (can't remember exactly). Today I felt okay, but I'm keeping an eye on it, in the past my BP tended to be slightly elevated due to stress, but now because I feel so depressed it seems low like my body has gone into shock. I feel okay to continue without any antidepression meds, I am still managing to work, do my school work and I try to visit people and talk to friends. Maybe I am depressed, but I know eventually it will pass. I just have to be strong and put my faith in God. Coffee seems to help sometimes when I feel really down.