When will I stop punishing myself- HELP!

mlws · Post by **mlws** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 12:20 pm

My anxiety and depression has such a strong hold on me- I feel as if I don't even deserve the help or the gifts of a healthy life. I have done some horrible things in my past and I feel like I don't deserve to succeed or be happy. I also recently had a misscarriage and I feel like I did something to cause it. How do you make a step forward when your brain tells you that you are not worth anything?

I am truly stuck in a horrible place- I would appreciate any encouragement....

Thanks.....

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 12:39 pm

Oh sweetie!
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how tough a miscarriage is, emotionally and physically. I went though a traumatic one when I was 18. You did absolutely nothing to cause it. Don't beat yourself up, it happens to many women who go on to have successful pregnancies later. You absolutely deserve the best! You do! We all have done crappy things in the past. No one here is perfect. If I told you all of the horrible stuff I've done you might feel better:)
Try the positive self talk but like Lucinda says, make sure you substitute the negative thoughts for positive thoughts that you can actually believe. Make them realistic but POSITIVE. That is something that I am really struggling with. I know just how you feel. Hang in there, we are all getting through this together!!

~Chelsea

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 12:51 pm

Chelsea-
Did you have a hard time starting the program? I look at it and I just feel paralyzed. I have heard so many good things from everyone here about it, but it's almost as if I don't deserve to utilize it. Is that strange- am I crazy? I'm even intimidated by the "30-day promise"!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 1:05 pm

I am behind in the program. I need to start week 4 today but I have been feeling sooo anxious that I don't want to hear anyone talk about anxiety. I need to feel a bit better, maybe tonight.

Don't be afraid of it and definitely DO NOT say that you do not deserve it.Of course you do. Everyone deserves to be happy and anxiety free. It's just hard for us,because we are so down on ourselves all the time, to admit that we deserve happiness too. Have you started it yet? If not, do it. Session 3 is very important. You do deserve this. Start telling yourself that you deserve it. We'll all be here for ya too.

Take care!!

Chelsea

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 1:06 pm

You are NOT crazy - just looking at the sheer volume of the program is very overwhelming!!! Don't stress so much about it. Maybe, instead of making a 30 day commitment, you just make a one or two week commitment to see how you feel - take it from there. Don't be intimidated, just do what you can. You ARE worth it, and I think within a few weeks of this program, you'll think so too. I just finished session 1 and already feel a little bit better, I can only assume it will get even better from here.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 1:20 pm

mlws I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a diccult time and on your recent miscarriage. You did not cause the miscarriage, its just your negative/ anxious thinking.

We have all done things in the past that we think are horrible. We are all human and we make mistakes. The past and letting go is a tough one for me also. Just try and be kind and compassionate to yourself.

I have found it helpful just to say a prayer and ask God to help me let go of the past.

You so deserve to live a life of health, peace and happiness. Try and make a committment to the program. Don't look at it as a 30 day committment, just look at it as a committment for today. Say to yourself, I will spend some time working on the program and practicing my new skills. It has taken us a long time to get good at being negative and anxious. It will take some time before we begin to feel good again.

I will say a prayer for you. Hang in there. YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU DESERVE TO LIVE A PEACE-FILLED HAPPY LIFE. Please keep posting. There are so many kind and supportive people who know what you are going through.

Take care and God Bless.

christinaluck · Post by **christinaluck** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 2:50 pm

So true that it is hard to let go of the past thoughts. Use the flash cards that came with the program for the appropriate module. Read the words deliberately and many times as much as possible, every morning and before bed. It is well worth it. Progressively, as you move forward with this program, you will pleased with your progress.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 31, 2009 9:10 am

Thank you all for your thoughts and encouragement. I am doing a little bit of writing today- something I never do! I needed to get some thoughts out on paper. It's helping so far! I just need to keep moving.... and start the program!

Thanks again everyone!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:16 am

hey mlws,

i have had two miscarriages back to back in one year and it was very hard to deal with but you did nothing wrong at all. God knows best and he knows why. I go through the same things of beating myself up about the horrible things i have done in the past and how i did not love myself enough to not do the things i did. i finally had to realize and learn how to love me more and accept the things i cannot change in te past but to look to the present and the future and just remember sweety that God loves you and will not give you as what you cannot bare in this life. i have learned that God gives us these test for us to change for the better and eventhough it is hard for me to go through this at times i know i will get to where i need to be in this life.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 7:44 am

To mlms
I feel for you too. I am a nurse and I really feel that a miscarriage is God's way of helping you because soemthing culd be wrong with the baby and he helps by allowing that to happen so you won't know the anguish later. If you want another child, talk toyour OB/Gyn doctor and they can help advise what to do. My cousin's daughter wanted a child more than anything and she lost it. Later due to endometriosis, she had to have a hysterectomy. She could not understand why God let this happen. Her husband has 2 children from a previous marriage but he had one to die in a car wreck and his daughter is now aapprox. 21 y/o. Her best friend had the same thing to happen to her and they are both fine. They say they weren't meant to have a child and accept it. My problem is I try to work things out myself and do not ask God to help me. I love God and I know we can trust him, however it is in me to be that way. We need to continue to pray and write to each other. June