Well first of all, hello to all of you. I've been here before, years before.
I've been suffering from Depression and Anxiety, panic attacks, i've avoided so many things that my world is sooo small. I've missed so many precious family moments and family losses. I got this program in 2008 and I hesitated a while before opening the package, because the simple fact of opening the package got me very anxious. Finally I got the courage to open the package and started doing the lesson plans, listening to the audio cds and doing the relaxation cd, but to be honest the cd doesn't relax me at all...
So I left the program, I was expecting FAST results and I was feeling very anxious. As soon as I felt a little better I quit cold turkey.Now, years passed and still i'm struggling with anxiety and panic mainly panic attacks, they scare me sooo much. I hate them, so of course I avoid everything that my mind sets or tricks me into getting a panic attack. I avoid driving, going on airplanes, on the bus long trips, going out with my friends, it's like I have a certain radius that means I feel safe because i'm close to home, so "home" is my safety (argh...
) But I don't want to feel like that anymore, I cannot cry no-more, i've cried tooo much and that doesn't make the situation better. It's like if I cry I expect a magical fairy with her wand to come and zap me out of that hole...I know I need to move my behind and take action. Lucinda says that we have to live the panic attacks, but they scare me so much. When I get a panic attack I feel like if I have a demon inside me, and i'm never going to feel better....they're gonna bust an exorcism on me LOL....but serious, those thoughts and panic attacks scare me. YOu know since the beginning when I got my first panic attack and depression I remember I got a blasphemous thought about God, and Oh mah lord!!!! whooa I was like a wild-fire spreading. So the blasphemous thoughts get me, I think "what if" it's really me thinking that stuff?? but I can't, I love God, and everything he does. But it's like I have a necessity to think something bad, sooooo I'm thinking I have OCD blasphemous thoughts!!! oh $h!T...that tooo?? man, then I think "what if" God's punishing me for the thoughts? what if I'm condemn? So to be honest, I cannot see myself the way I was before the anxiety and stuff, I mean the independent me. I would fly, take the bus, drive to other states, cities, and now?? My question is: ARE THERE PEOPLE AS BAD AS ME OUT THERE? AND IF SO, DOES THE PROGRAM REALLY HELP?