Discussing Finances w/Fam

[MC Grace]

I am noticing that discussions with family, particularly about money, have become more heated lately. (my elderly father is the victim of identity theft, my sister is trying to do financial planning for her family, etc.) I would not mind the discussions as much, if they were more calm. Otherwise my mind keeps going afterwards, and I have difficulty sleeping.
I need a tactful way to explain that the discord is bad for my health. Or maybe I need a way to remind family members that I would like to be a part of the conversation, but the pace might need to be slower and less contentious than they are used to.
Any suggestions? Thanks

[Paisleegreen]

Hi MC Grace--I understand what you are saying...I feel the same way. Discussing my elderly father in law and his problems have been very stressful and I've had to give up. Since he isn't my father and lives 4 hours away, I can't do too much. I can only rely on what the In laws that live near him are saying and what I see when he comes to visit. I've had to let go of thinking about him and how he is living at the present time. Not to my liking and I know if frustrating to the sister in laws that live near him, but the other siblings aren't as involved or helping (such as my husband) in a way that needs to be done as they are a bit fearful of their father's objections and they aren't assertive enough to stand up to him.

So I guess they will let him continue on his increasing fraility until an serious accident happens or death. One thing is that they are still allowing him to drive a car, and he really should have the keys taken away. My husband had a good opportunity to do this not to recently, but didn't take the opportunity. I guess because he just wants to be "nice". I've had discussions with one or two sister in laws about the need for him to stop driving. One definitely want him to stop. There are ways to do it without him knowing they took the keys away. They can change the car keys on the ring or disengage the battery, etc.

I hope things get better for you as you discuss things. Maybe we can help by boosting you up as you have these discussions. Money and the elderly are always going to bring on heated arguments because of all the emotion involved. I had plenty with my father when he was still alive...I'm still recovering from them. Paislee

[MC Grace]

Thanks Paislee! It helps to be reminded that it is not just my family that goes through this. I may have to check back in about this topic, as you suggested. However you have been very encouraging.