A Journal: In keeping with the spirit of Lesson 3

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 5:12 pm

I'm really glad that you tried the tic marking, it is a great tool to use. It gives great insight and allows you to work through the surface negativity and then into the deeper stuff and some of it might be a little difficult to face but you get stronger with time and your mind only opens you to the things that you are ready to face instead of flooding you with the whole package. It also lets you start seeing your potential and your creativity works with your positivity more than your negativity.

As for the tic marking when tired...yeah it is a whole lot harder if you are really tired. That is alright too because even 1 tic mark is a good accomplishment and If you do this for a few days and then tally up all of the tic marks then you can be proud to see all the times you tried to overcome your negativity. It really puts things into perspective and when you calculate this then you won't even be touched by those negative thoughts about how you aren't doing anything or not doing enough.

Mike

MC Grace · Post by **MC Grace** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 1:03 pm

JOURNAL ENTRY 5

So today I did tic marking for about 3 1/2 hours (consecutively). I tallied 23.

I found that I lot of my negative thought had to do with anticipatory anxiety over speaking to someone. I tend to "what if" alot . . . maybe I'm too sensitive in this area/defensive. I don't know, right now if what I noticed is being cautious in a good way--gone wild--or if it's mostly healthy caution. I know at least some of it is overkill/too much fear of confrontation/being in the company of people who are hypercriticalish.
THANKSGIVING #1
Got a few more sales (business).
THANKSGIVING #2
Got some chores done at home.
THANKSGIVING #3
Got some chores done at home!

NinjaF, what you mentioned about "great insight", "creativity" . . . I am finding this to be true. It's exciting!

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 2:35 pm

You are starting to get into what i call "insight mode"...this is a great part of the tic marking. You really get to see the specifics of the negative thoughts and feelings...you get to see the reality...That's exciting!!

I am also constantly doing the what if thinking and it can be extremely limiting for us but it is there as a defense mechanism. I'm sure you've noticed that i've been talking about the ego here and there and well here is another time i'm going to talk about it....this is a great example of how the ego has helped us in the past...it helps protect us from pain and suffering but it can also be limiting. It can be both negative and positive it just depends on which lense you use to look at it.

I'm really excited about your progress...great job!!! I hope we start a new movement or a chain reaction here!!!

Mike

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 2:36 pm

Oh and I forgot to mention..Great job for sticking with the tic marking. It does take alot of determination and effort and thats exactly what you're giving! Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your posts...I get insights from them as well

Oh and hey if we get enough experience and time with these journals...we could write books and get them published so we can help other people with their suffering as well!

Mike

MC Grace · Post by **MC Grace** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 3:59 am

thanks NinjaF for your support and encouragement. i too hope to see some more journals pop up on the forums. if ya find any others, please let me know.
it's funny that you mentioned books. i have definately thought over the years that i have to put more of my writing out there. (i am sure this excercise will help me get to that point.) i also was thinking the other day, when reading your journey (ah, that's a typo, i meant journal, but journey makes a bit of sense,too) that i hope you write a book (or books! maybe a series?) at some point.
Well, I never got to the computer last night--so here's a synopsis. . .
i planned to tic mark for about 4 hrs yesterday, but then i only tic marked for 1. but that's alright because at least i made the effort.
i decided to cut it short because i was doing a quick baking project--and i didn't want to divide my attention. i think this was a good choice.
overall the day felt lighter. i think, because i love to bake--and i had the day to myself to do it.
then i headed to a holiday party--with my goodies--and made excellent time--so i was able to walk, rather than take the subway--and i was treated to lovely holiday displays and warmer weather.
THANKSGIVING #1
A nice holiday celebration with a newer group of friends from bible study.
THANKSGIVING #2
My order (business) arrived in a timely manner and in good condition and my customer was pleased.
THANKSGIVING #3
I stood up for my self when criticized by a relative -- and it seemed to blow over easily.

(7 tic marks)

MC Grace · Post by **MC Grace** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 4:44 pm

JOURNAL ENTRY 7

So today was an odd tic marking day. I pretty much tallied in my head for about 4 hours, including some time at work (outside work, not my business). I came up with about 23 marks. . . and the majority had to do with thoughts around work, especially my communication with co-workers and manager.
Negative: What if (my co-worker) is being overly aggressive toward me.
Positive: I can take a deep breath, step back, speak up and learn from the experience.
Negative: I feel underprepared for customer questions.
Positive: I ask questions of my co-workers during each work day--and read company materials so that I can learn more.
Negative: What if I am not standing up for myself enough and getting the credit for sales that I deserve. It all seems too vague.
Positive: I can ask my manager for advice. I can explain that a co-worker has repeatedly teased me/accused me of stealing her customers. (I think she's overheard this already--but I want to be clear that it bothers me somewhat.) I can ask her for a rule of thumb, or ways to determine which salesperson to assign credit to when it seems there have been multiple salespeople helping.

THANKSGIVING #1
I got to include a good deal of walking in my commute.
THANKSGIVING #2
When I forgot my umbrella, and found myself caught in the rain, I had the money to buy another.
THANKSGIVING #3
I can appreciate "small blessings" and acknowledge them w/o shame.

MC Grace · Post by **MC Grace** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 3:44 pm

JOURNAL ENTRY 8

Today was a fairly odd day--cold and rainy here, so I gave myself permission to take it a little easy. I mentally tallied about 30 throughout the day--but I also put up a mental "stop sign" a lot when I started to get negative. . . and didn't chase too many of those thoughts down to analyze them.

I thought about my eating habits and how I need to change them if I want to be more healthy. My metabolism has definately slowed down recently--and I want to eat way more calories than I need.

I also considered my fears around going back to school (grad school), as I promised myself that I would go back in 2009. So, I looked at grant/scholarship/fellowship listings a bit--which was very difficult. I am proud of myself; but I am disappointed that I didn't find anything that seemed to fit. It did help me realize that I would really like to incorporate art in my study/internships/future work--which is a scary, touchy subject for me. I need to trust that God will take care of it all.

THANKSGIVING #1
I got grocery shopping done today
THANKSGIVING #2
I got to watch a favorite TV show
THANKSGIVING #3
I was warm and dry during most of this awful day

brandie · Post by **brandie** » Fri Dec 12, 2008 7:23 am

I have a question for anyone that would like to help me. I am in session 3 this week. I am getting nothing out of it. I don't know how to replace a neg. thought with a pos. one. When I try to I don't believe myself. I'm really getting down on myself for it, because this supposed to be the most important session. I would like to keep a journal, but I wouldn't know what to write. I'm in my house all day. If somebody could respond to this I would be very greatful.

MC Grace · Post by **MC Grace** » Fri Dec 12, 2008 3:40 pm

Hi Brandie,
I am glad you found this thread. Thanks for posting.
Congrats on making it to session 3! Don't worry, we can help.
First of all I'd like to point out that you have gotten something from session 3--and that is you recognize that it is very important to learn how to change a negative into a positive.
How long have you been on Lesson 3? Don't be too "hard on yourself" because this is a very difficult step. It takes a lot of courage, for many of us, to start to replace those thoughts. Some of us have actually become really comfortable with the habit of thinking negatively.
Perhaps you can post some of the negative thoughts that you want to turn into positives, and we can offer some sample suggestions. Keep at it!

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Fri Dec 12, 2008 5:01 pm

brandie

Like MC Grace said...don't be too hard on yourself. It takes awhile to get lesson 3. The thought replacement takes time to become believeable and that's just fine. I mean you are changing your habits around and your ego is trying to protect you and keep you in your safe zone which right now is negative thinking. Think of it this way...how many attempts does a baby take when it learns to walk? does the baby do it perfectly the first time around? We're all like babies in this sense...we cannot do things perfectly in the beginning and thats ok...as long as we keep trying we will get to where we want to go and we open ourselves up to so many more options when we do master this....just like a baby opens it's life to many new options like running, dancing, jogging...etc.

If you're having a hard time replacing a negative thought, you are more than welcome to make a new thread and show us your attempt at replacing the negative thought and get some advice from the people on this website.

One more question for you brandie...You said you didn't know what to write in your journal. If you knew the answer to this question then what would you do?

Mike