Feeling "stuck"

joy jenkins · Post by **joy jenkins** » Sat Dec 06, 2008 3:08 pm

I was doing quite a bit better until a few weeks ago and managed to get to session 9 in the program. Then BOOM down I went into a really horrible intense depression. My doctor just said "the depression is back". I am taking prozac again, it is the only anti-dep I feel comfortable with probably because it did work for me once but just for a short time. I have taken about every anti-dep out there. What frustrates me so much is that I seem to be my own worst enemy, I sort of know what would make me feel better but just can't or wont do it. Even taking a shower is a huge effort. I think the main things are total lack of MOTIVATION and terrible FATIGUE. I lose interest in everything, in life really. I am terribly lonely but still I isolate myself. I even unplug my phone! I am so confused and I hate myself for being this way. There a re many days when I just can't get out of bed, I feel I havenothing to get up for but then I feel worse, and so it goes on and on. I want to get back to the program but so far haven't done it. I felt a slight lift today and so I found the energy to type this message. My dr said that it will take about 10 years before they discover which anti-dep will work for which person. What a break through that will be for mental illness, because right now it's just trial and error and that makes it more depressing than ever. I hope I am around for that day but I am 69 now so who knows. I am so sick and tired of this "condition", I could scream. Plus it's such a lonely situation because no-one really wants to know about it. Including family in my case. I sometimes think people are afraid they will catch it! Can't write anymore now but would love to hear from whoever reads this post. I wish I was a totally different person. really feel at the end of my rope right now.
Joy

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Dec 06, 2008 3:32 pm

I am so sorry to hear how difficult things are for you right now. I have felt the exact same way as you. I have cried many nights due to the loneliness that is felt with depression and anxiety. Its like you can have a billion people surrounding you and you still feel so isolated. It seems this is a journey that you alone must go on. People can help and be there to listen but we must be brave and do the very best we can. Feelings are like weather they will pass in time. I feel your pain for it has been mine too. There is a beautiful gift to be found in this struggle and in time you will find it within you. May you find peace in knowing no matter how alone you feel you are far from it. I have an anxiety blog if you ever care to visit. Allaboutanxiety.blogspot.com
may you find the happiness you deserve

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 10:15 am

Hi Joy,
I know how you feel as I have isolated for years when I feel depressed, I don't even want to eat. Even though it is hard, try to pick up a little and just wash your face if you need to, open your blinds, get some sunshine, and pray for this to go away. It took a very long time to find the right medication for me and I am glad to say it is Lamictal and Effexor XR. I have felt a whole lot better and was ready to walk outside and see the sun. Take care of yourself and You can do this!

cfe · Post by **cfe** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 5:36 pm

Hi Joy'
What a wonderful name. I think unplugging the phone is a fine idea on really bad days. May I suggest turning off the t.v. as well? I have spent a lot of time with people over 60 and I can see how life it's self seems to hard sometimes. Too many people have too many complaints or have to many stories about something bad happening some where. As strange as it may sound my favorite songs are my best friends I have on those kind of days. And nobody is around to see me singing with my hair brush or performing on my make beleive piano. Renting a good comady helps a little to, deffinatly when I am expecting company, it helps get me in a better mood before they get there, and the visits seem pleasant at times.I wish you the best.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 5:57 pm

Hi Joy,
I'm sorry to hear about how you're feeling. I was feeling really down just a few weeks ago. I took a mental health day off from work and I stayed in my bed for hours with the covers practically pulled up over my head. I felt afraid to leave my bedroom. I finally got up and went back to the start of Lucinda's dvd's. I had started a few months ago and stopped when I got to dvd #5 because I thought I was okay now. Since I picked up the dvd package again I am feeling much better. I won't try to kid you, I am far from feeling 100% (whatever that feels like) but I am feeling a lot more hopeful if nothing else. Since going back to listening to the dvd's I am able to get through my days one at a time. I make sure I listen at night before I go to bed and in the morning if only for a few minutes while getting ready for work. Try to listen to them and pick up your Bible. I must also add the community has also helped me a whole lot because there is no one in my circle, not a family member or a friend who know that I have been suffering like this for about 25yrs, and I'm 35, so that's almost my entire life. Try to have faith and continue to fight this thing, you have all of us behind you. God Bless.

Secret

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Dec 14, 2008 11:19 am

Wow Joy your story sounds so familiar. I have been trying to power through my depression for so long, but it overtakes me from time to time. As long as I am busy with things that I have to do, like going to work and interacting one on one with folks in my office I am ok. However when the weekend comes and I have free time to myself, I generally feel lost and anxious and unmotivated. I dont seem to plan anything I just drift from one thing to the next. My house is a mess and I dont spend as much quality time with my family as I should. I wish there was a magic bullet, but I dont think it exists. I have learned a lot over the years, so the bad episodes dont come as frequently and are not as severe. Hang in there and put one foot in front of the other.

Sue K. · Post by **Sue K.** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 7:33 pm

Originally posted by joy jenkins:
I was doing quite a bit better until a few weeks ago and managed to get to session 9 in the program. Then BOOM down I went into a really horrible intense depression. My doctor just said "the depression is back". I am taking prozac again, it is the only anti-dep I feel comfortable with probably because it did work for me once but just for a short time. I have taken about every anti-dep out there. What frustrates me so much is that I seem to be my own worst enemy, I sort of know what would make me feel better but just can't or wont do it. Even taking a shower is a huge effort. I think the main things are total lack of MOTIVATION and terrible FATIGUE. I lose interest in everything, in life really. I am terribly lonely but still I isolate myself. I even unplug my phone! I am so confused and I hate myself for being this way. There a re many days when I just can't get out of bed, I feel I havenothing to get up for but then I feel worse, and so it goes on and on. I want to get back to the program but so far haven't done it. I felt a slight lift today and so I found the energy to type this message. My dr said that it will take about 10 years before they discover which anti-dep will work for which person. What a break through that will be for mental illness, because right now it's just trial and error and that makes it more depressing than ever. I hope I am around for that day but I am 69 now so who knows. I am so sick and tired of this "condition", I could scream. Plus it's such a lonely situation because no-one really wants to know about it. Including family in my case. I sometimes think people are afraid they will catch it! Can't write anymore now but would love to hear from whoever reads this post. I wish I was a totally different person. really feel at the end of my rope right now.
Joy