Hi:
I'm fairly new here. My name is Shelly. I did post in the August section. I just started the first session of Combatting Stress and Depression Program - which I received about a month ago. Procrastination is a major issue with me especially when I'm really stressed.
Iv'e struggled with depression for about 15 years now. Anxiety and panic came years after. I am currently taking 100 mg of Zoloft but I'm not sure its really helping all that much. I have tried going off of it just to see if it made a difference but I couldn't stand the withdrawl symptoms. I also take zanax for anxiety but only when I absolutely need to.
Lately I just feel so overwhelmed with life. Right now I don't even know if I'm going to have a job anymore - there's possibly new owners. I have bills I've been struggling to keep up with. Iv'e been in a relationship for 12 years and we have a 10 year old son (which is the best thing thats happened in my life). But his father and I have alot of issues between us over the years - some days I just want to say - that's it, I'm done and leave, but I don't want my son to go through a seperated family like I did and I'm kinda of scared to be on my own. Even to this day I don't really talk to my dad. We've probably spoken twice in the last 5 years. But my childhood is a whole other story.
Anyway - I just feel like I'm going through the motions sometimes. And some days I don't know if I feel anything at all and other days I feel so much anger and hate. It's kinda like a roller coaster. There's times when I'm not sure I even know who the real me is.
Mostly I feel exhausted. I can't sleep at night and can barely get up in the mornings. Iv'e woken up in the middle of the night sweating and my heart would do a really strange flutter thing and then anxiety would kick in and make it even worse. Some mornings I wake up and my jaw is so tensed that it hurts and then the headaches begin.
I also think I might have developed an OCD - Weird bazaar and sometimes disgusting things pop in my head and they won't go away. It's very disturbing. I get songs stuck in my head - even ones I don't like. I'm constantly checking to make sure things are shut off or unplugged even though I know I've already checked - drives me nuts!!
I just want to feel normal and feel like I have a place in this world.
Thanks for listening to me ramble.
To much STRESS
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Guest
Hi Shelly!
Pleased to meet you. I'm new here as well. And I have not started the program yet either...I don't know what the real reason is......scared to do it wrong I suppose. I am learning that there are sooooo many people here that I can relate to. I thought I was alone....but here I have found through reading peoples posts that there are people all over that feel the same things that I feel on a daily basis. It is a good feeling to know that your not alone....and there are people to relate to. If you wanna talk I'm here....
Pleased to meet you. I'm new here as well. And I have not started the program yet either...I don't know what the real reason is......scared to do it wrong I suppose. I am learning that there are sooooo many people here that I can relate to. I thought I was alone....but here I have found through reading peoples posts that there are people all over that feel the same things that I feel on a daily basis. It is a good feeling to know that your not alone....and there are people to relate to. If you wanna talk I'm here....
Hi Shelly:
I am sorry to hear how stressful your life is these days. For me...this program is absolutely wonderful! I felt overwhelmed like you are now when I started. I wanted to just end the panic and anxiety and dove right into the program and came to the forum several times a day. Working each and every week on the sessions and doing all the homework while supplementing with books on the subject of panic and obsessions were more than just helpful...they were the answer. I had to and am still dealing with issues with family members and it was very painful. Also, because I changed and am continuing to change, my relationships have changed for the better. I still have some bad days...but overall, this program has helped me like no-one or nothing else has. Please hang in there, take one day at a time, one session per week at a time and read and do the homework. It will all fall into place as you go along. I wish you peace...focus on your son, for me, my 10 year old daughter gives me such life. She is wonderful and always positive and being around her is just such a beautiful experience.
Good luck and keep checking in with the forum. The people here are so supportive and on my lowest days, they give me hope and reassurance.
Take good care of yourself,
Lynn
I am sorry to hear how stressful your life is these days. For me...this program is absolutely wonderful! I felt overwhelmed like you are now when I started. I wanted to just end the panic and anxiety and dove right into the program and came to the forum several times a day. Working each and every week on the sessions and doing all the homework while supplementing with books on the subject of panic and obsessions were more than just helpful...they were the answer. I had to and am still dealing with issues with family members and it was very painful. Also, because I changed and am continuing to change, my relationships have changed for the better. I still have some bad days...but overall, this program has helped me like no-one or nothing else has. Please hang in there, take one day at a time, one session per week at a time and read and do the homework. It will all fall into place as you go along. I wish you peace...focus on your son, for me, my 10 year old daughter gives me such life. She is wonderful and always positive and being around her is just such a beautiful experience.
Good luck and keep checking in with the forum. The people here are so supportive and on my lowest days, they give me hope and reassurance.
Take good care of yourself,
Lynn
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Guest
Thank you Jazzy1 and Sidd - It is comforting to know that there are other people out there who are going through the same things. And it will be nice to know I have somewhere to go to talk to people when I need to vent or am feeling really down. Everyone seems so wonderful here. 
I'm going to try very hard to stick to this program.
I'm going to try very hard to stick to this program.-
Guest
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Guest
Anyway - I just feel like I'm going through the motions sometimes. And some days I don't know if I feel anything at all and other days I feel so much anger and hate. It's kinda like a roller coaster. There's times when I'm not sure I even know who the real me is.
Mostly I feel exhausted. I can't sleep at night and can barely get up in the mornings. Iv'e woken up in the middle of the night sweating and my heart would do a really strange flutter thing and then anxiety would kick in and make it even worse. Some mornings I wake up and my jaw is so tensed that it hurts and then the headaches begin.
I also think I might have developed an OCD - Weird bazaar and sometimes disgusting things pop in my head and they won't go away. It's very disturbing. I get songs stuck in my head - even ones I don't like. I'm constantly checking to make sure things are shut off or unplugged even though I know I've already checked - drives me nuts!!
Hi Shelly and welcome,
OMG when I read your post it just so much reminded me of myself in many ways. I quoted a part because it was just like me 5 months ago and for many years prior.
I just wanted to let you know that my life has does such a turnabout and yours will also. Get started doing the program...faithfully..every aspect of it and be sure you do the journaling without fail. If you take your time and spend as many days doing each session as you need to in order to really absorb it all you will begin to feel such a huge difference in yourself in no time at all. i am so changed from who I was..yes I still have ups and downs and likely always will but they become fewer and I have skills to use now to combat any of my old ways and use them to keep focused on the person I truly want to be. My strong belief in the program and then feeling the results is what has kept me going along on my journey and has allowed me to stop so many bad behaviours I had developed throughout my life. My childhood was a huge contributing factor to who I was and though we can't change our pasts we can deffinately change our future into one we love, cherish and deserve.
Believe in you...be kind and loving to yourself, be comforting to yourself and never ever stop believing in the program and how powerfull you are in changing your life for the best.
Never Give Up!!
You CAN WIN....BELIEVE IN YOU, THE PROGRAM, AND A HAPPY ENDING TO YOUR JOURNEY!
Mostly I feel exhausted. I can't sleep at night and can barely get up in the mornings. Iv'e woken up in the middle of the night sweating and my heart would do a really strange flutter thing and then anxiety would kick in and make it even worse. Some mornings I wake up and my jaw is so tensed that it hurts and then the headaches begin.
I also think I might have developed an OCD - Weird bazaar and sometimes disgusting things pop in my head and they won't go away. It's very disturbing. I get songs stuck in my head - even ones I don't like. I'm constantly checking to make sure things are shut off or unplugged even though I know I've already checked - drives me nuts!!
Hi Shelly and welcome,
OMG when I read your post it just so much reminded me of myself in many ways. I quoted a part because it was just like me 5 months ago and for many years prior.
I just wanted to let you know that my life has does such a turnabout and yours will also. Get started doing the program...faithfully..every aspect of it and be sure you do the journaling without fail. If you take your time and spend as many days doing each session as you need to in order to really absorb it all you will begin to feel such a huge difference in yourself in no time at all. i am so changed from who I was..yes I still have ups and downs and likely always will but they become fewer and I have skills to use now to combat any of my old ways and use them to keep focused on the person I truly want to be. My strong belief in the program and then feeling the results is what has kept me going along on my journey and has allowed me to stop so many bad behaviours I had developed throughout my life. My childhood was a huge contributing factor to who I was and though we can't change our pasts we can deffinately change our future into one we love, cherish and deserve.
Believe in you...be kind and loving to yourself, be comforting to yourself and never ever stop believing in the program and how powerfull you are in changing your life for the best.
Never Give Up!!
You CAN WIN....BELIEVE IN YOU, THE PROGRAM, AND A HAPPY ENDING TO YOUR JOURNEY!
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Guest
GIRL, i feel like we are sisters in different states... i read your post and i was freaking out! "that's me!!!" I'm so glad that i'm not the only one who goes through all this. It's just so hard having these feelings. As i look back, i think i was dealing with depression back when i was in school... pretty much a loner. now my brother passed away in july from cancer and my dad in august from a heart attack. and it s just been so hard. i haven't been working alot... some days are okay, but i haven't been to work since last week, i'm behind on bills b/c of being with my brother and dad and not able to work, they were in VA and im in NC... my kids try to put me in the middle of all their problems with my husband and themselves... i also have alot of anger issues... sometimes i can just blow up at the slightest thing.. but only at home, at work i'm the perfect person... always agreeable, but as soon as i walk in the door at home after an hour long commute, i get bombarded with everybody's problems and the stress and aggravation just slaps me in the face.
I stay so exhaused all the time and just feel like i'm going through the motions and not really there. sometimes i'll be doing something and forget what i'm supposed to do or walk in a different room and forget what i went in there for... earlier today, i turned teh water on in the kitchen sink and forgot to turn it off... thank god the drain wasn't plugged. i would have had a mess. I'm new here too... today is my first day on the chat rooms.... i saw your post and just felt a connection. i'd love to talk to you more about this, maybe we can help each other though this. my email is noellabentley@aol.com... i'm on week 6 "anger" boy i sure do need this one! anyway, i hope we can get to be friends on here. right now i need all the suport i can get, cause i sure ain't gettin' any at home.
I stay so exhaused all the time and just feel like i'm going through the motions and not really there. sometimes i'll be doing something and forget what i'm supposed to do or walk in a different room and forget what i went in there for... earlier today, i turned teh water on in the kitchen sink and forgot to turn it off... thank god the drain wasn't plugged. i would have had a mess. I'm new here too... today is my first day on the chat rooms.... i saw your post and just felt a connection. i'd love to talk to you more about this, maybe we can help each other though this. my email is noellabentley@aol.com... i'm on week 6 "anger" boy i sure do need this one! anyway, i hope we can get to be friends on here. right now i need all the suport i can get, cause i sure ain't gettin' any at home.
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Guest
To both Monte'smom and Noella:
Monte'smom - Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and letting me know you strongly relate. Right now this is probably the only place I get any encouragement. Nobody else seems to really understand the struggles of depression and anxiety and just the everyday emotional rollercoaster. I already feel better knowing that there are such caring people on here. It makes me have hope. I am happy the program is working so well for you. Thank you thank you!
Noella - First of all I would like to say how sorry I am for your loss of your brother and father, that had to be a very difficult time for you. I have never lost any close family members, but the thought of it scares the heck out of me.
I know how you feel about not getting any support at home. My sons father is not very supportive of my feelings or thoughts. He has issues to but chooses not to do anything about them - he just likes to play the blame game.
Anyway - It would be really nice to have someone to talk to also. I have friends at work but sometimes I think they get sick of hearing me complain about things - which is okay. They don't know what its like to suffer with this stuff.
I can totally relate with the anger thing. Somedays I just want to pick something up and smash it - but I don't. I just get really moody and crabby and want to be left alone. Then my BF gets mad and it turns into a big blowup.
I seem to be more in control at work too. But when I get home you would think I had a split personality.
And the forgetting thing - happens to me all the time, especially at work.
I don't have internet access at home - hopefully I will soon once I get caught up on bills, but I do check my e-mail at work quite often. My email is shellyml_1@hotmail.com.
Feel free to vent whenever you need.
Monte'smom - Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and letting me know you strongly relate. Right now this is probably the only place I get any encouragement. Nobody else seems to really understand the struggles of depression and anxiety and just the everyday emotional rollercoaster. I already feel better knowing that there are such caring people on here. It makes me have hope. I am happy the program is working so well for you. Thank you thank you!
Noella - First of all I would like to say how sorry I am for your loss of your brother and father, that had to be a very difficult time for you. I have never lost any close family members, but the thought of it scares the heck out of me.
I know how you feel about not getting any support at home. My sons father is not very supportive of my feelings or thoughts. He has issues to but chooses not to do anything about them - he just likes to play the blame game.
Anyway - It would be really nice to have someone to talk to also. I have friends at work but sometimes I think they get sick of hearing me complain about things - which is okay. They don't know what its like to suffer with this stuff.
I can totally relate with the anger thing. Somedays I just want to pick something up and smash it - but I don't. I just get really moody and crabby and want to be left alone. Then my BF gets mad and it turns into a big blowup.
I seem to be more in control at work too. But when I get home you would think I had a split personality.
And the forgetting thing - happens to me all the time, especially at work.
I don't have internet access at home - hopefully I will soon once I get caught up on bills, but I do check my e-mail at work quite often. My email is shellyml_1@hotmail.com.
Feel free to vent whenever you need.
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Guest
Boy, it sure sounds like we've all got problems... i know everybody does, usually i've got it together, but for the past few months it's just been disastrous... it's nice to know that there are people out there who understand what a panic or anxiety attack is and depression... especially anger, boy that's my number one problem. especially with my kids... teenagers think they know everything and parents are stupid. I can't wait til they tell me that they were wrong, I just have to pray that i'll still be alive to hear it. 
i love them to pieces, but sometimes i just want to go somewhere and stay gone a couple weeks, but then when i got home i know i would have a total disaster to clean up. i was in VA overnight and it was awful when i got back. dishes and laundry everywhere. It's like they don't even notice the mess, and that makes me crazy. It's not like i expect everything to be perfect, but if you've got clothes falling out of the hamper onto the floor, pick 'em up and wash them. it's simple as that.
As far as the friends at work, i know they get sick of me griping about my home life all the time, and usually it's just about the kids, i just know they want to tell me to shut up sometimes. lol.
just about 15 minutes ago, my son started running his mouth at me and i just threw a bottle of water at him, not the bottle exactly, just the contents... it went all over him, the floor and cabinet, but it felt GOOD!!!! he was a little shocked, but he shut up real quick. anyway, thanks for the reply and I put your email in my address book, i'm sure we'll keep in touch. also feel free to email me anytime to vent if needed. it's nice to know there are people who know what i'm going through. it's such a huge relief. i've been doing this program for 5 weeks, starting on 6 and this is the first day i've got on here and i can tell, it'll be a daily thing now. there's just so much understanding here. talk to you soon.
i love them to pieces, but sometimes i just want to go somewhere and stay gone a couple weeks, but then when i got home i know i would have a total disaster to clean up. i was in VA overnight and it was awful when i got back. dishes and laundry everywhere. It's like they don't even notice the mess, and that makes me crazy. It's not like i expect everything to be perfect, but if you've got clothes falling out of the hamper onto the floor, pick 'em up and wash them. it's simple as that.As far as the friends at work, i know they get sick of me griping about my home life all the time, and usually it's just about the kids, i just know they want to tell me to shut up sometimes. lol.
just about 15 minutes ago, my son started running his mouth at me and i just threw a bottle of water at him, not the bottle exactly, just the contents... it went all over him, the floor and cabinet, but it felt GOOD!!!!
he was a little shocked, but he shut up real quick. anyway, thanks for the reply and I put your email in my address book, i'm sure we'll keep in touch. also feel free to email me anytime to vent if needed. it's nice to know there are people who know what i'm going through. it's such a huge relief. i've been doing this program for 5 weeks, starting on 6 and this is the first day i've got on here and i can tell, it'll be a daily thing now. there's just so much understanding here. talk to you soon.