anger at self

shimdan · Post by **shimdan** » Sun Aug 17, 2008 4:09 pm

I am on session three but I seem to have so much anger directed at myself it is almost crippling at times. Lately I am filled with so many regrets and my personal weaknesses seem worse than usual.I am 56 and have this fear that I will never change. My thoughts are so painful. How do you handle this anger( plus this anger will sometimes spill on to others)
Thanks

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 17, 2008 4:40 pm

Shimdan,
I have anger at myself such as, why am I taking so long to get past all of this, why do I feel lonely, why am I not getting this? And, believe me, I take my anger at myself out on others also, especially my poor husband. I think its just part of learning. Instead of giving ourselves credit for working on change, we beat ourselves up because we can't get there fast enough. I'm 58 and have probably had this condition most of my life, who knows? But I will say one thing, without StressCenter, I would not have come as far as I have. And I know I'm getting closer everyday, because people have told me they have seen a change in me, not even knowing that I have gotten to this point because of StressCenter. You'll get there, just keep doing the program! Best of luck to you. Suzzie

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 17, 2008 5:51 pm

Thank you for your response. I have only posted one other time. I feel so hesitant to share my feelings due to fear of rejection I guess(though not with my husband poor man)
I really can't seem to calm down> I tried my relaxation tape but I just seem so agitated As much as I hate it I guess I may have to take an ativan. Well tomorrow is another day-thank you again for your response.It gives me hope I have a place to go to truly share my feelings and my progress in the program( not looking great at this moment but there is hope in tomorrow)

Carolyn Dickman · Post by **Carolyn Dickman** » Mon Aug 18, 2008 3:51 am

I wish I could hand you my three spiral notebooks from week three, Session Three. Really, I used three to record negative chatter in my head, and negative feelings and resentments I had toward an old work partner and an ex-husband from my past (neither are in my life anymore

). I am on Session Eight, and I don't recognize the woman who wrote those notebooks. I have been able to change my thinking enough that I no longer touch all that negatively charged electricity. I could have wrote what you just wrote, five weeks ago. Hang in here. Talk to this community. Get help, get advice, or just tell us you want us to listen. You can do this. I made it to week eight (or nine?) and I am feeling so much more comfortable. Any part of my life that rears up with bad behavior or feelings of depression getting worse, I go back through the lessons and pull out the one that I need to review. I do review it, and all the homework. It keeps me moving and not stalling. Kind regards.

P.S. Buy yourself a handful of the wide margin spiral notebooks. I notice when I'm not happy, I write in all print caps, and use two lines. Ha!

hopehound · Post by **hopehound** » Mon Aug 18, 2008 9:26 am

I'm not only angry at myself, I am angry at everyone else too. Sometimes I think I could break every dish in the house if I really lost control. Instead I cry. I am on Week 2, and although I do not remember every having had a panic attack, I do have generalized anxiety and have been depressed for as long as I can remember. I am 64. That is a long time. It's partly genetic from my father's side of the family and partly environmental - I learned it at an early age. I don't want to be angry and cry all the time because the more it happens the angrier I get at myself for letting it get that far. I really is a vicious cycle.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 18, 2008 10:06 am

Larkspur22, the weekly sessions are designed to take you from A to Z. Your anger at self and others will be addressed, and the homework, and this community, is where you find and use the tools. Yes, 64 is a long time, but here you are, and here we are, and let's all hang in here and get this work done. I learned to be angry in a home where I was disciplined to NOT show anger. My parents were terrific people, but that was the rule in my home, and they thought it was a good one. I learned to be angry internally. I grew up and made the worst choices possible in who I married and who I partnered with in a medical practice. Now, age 51, I am learning how to grow out of this stuff that doesn't work. You can do this. We won't leave you. We're here for the duration.

RamonaIA · Post by **RamonaIA** » Mon Aug 18, 2008 10:25 am

Larkspur22
Oh I know the anger at self can make us feel like we may be going crazy. Depression which I myself have lived with (like it seems forever)seems to drain the life out of one. But like Pecos said here we are and there is at least a sense support here.It gets scary especially if the anger gets so intense one wants to hurt ones self.Anyway I still am wallowing around in lesson 3 so those who are further along have the proof this program can work.Please keep in touch.