Hi Everyone, Not sure just where to start, anyhow here we go! I have been having many more good days and really doing quite well. I am only on session 4 in the program. Find I need 2 weeks really to do each session properly (perfectionism)! Any I'll try to get to the point, yesterday I went to see some close friends who I have not seen for years. They live about 1 hour's drive from me. A dear and supportive friend went with me and he drove on the highway but I managed to drive quite well on the less hectic roads. It was a good feeling. These friends are now in their 80's and we have been very close in the past so it was lovely to see them. They were obviously so amazed at the change in me (for the better), both in the way I looked and behaved of course. So that was lovely, but now I can only think of one or two not so positive things I picked up on and feel very depressed today! One big thing was that I know I talk too much (perhaps anxiety), and today all I can think of is oh boy I made a fool of myself, talking way too much, a bit over-the-top, etc. etc. And I am the one who says all the time that I talk too much! There was another teeny incident about money that meant absolutely nothing, but keeps coming into my mind as well! So crazy, I know but it is happening. It was such a positive visit and here I am all depressed over these tiny (probably imagined) negative things. One other story I wanted to share with you, on Friday I go to a seniors' group, very nice people and I really enjoy it. I have become very fond of a lady in her 90's and talk to her quite a lot. We had been discussing my going to visit her one day, it is only a short drive away. Anyway last Friday I was talking to her and she made it very clear that she was upset with me for not visiting her yet, she said I had promised I would call her and arrange a time and she said when people promised things she expected them to keep their word. I don't actually remember promising anything but admit we had discussed the situation probably at some length. I felt terrible that she was so upset, devastated actually. I vow I am not going to make any more promises. I feel very guilty about this and my only excuse is that I really have been busy the last week or two, just with small things but they have taken up part of the day. I realize she is older, living with her daughter but still alone a lot so I understand her disappointment, but was surprised when she was so direct in her criticism of me. It upset me for ages and still is and I don't know how to handle the situation, it has sort of put me off going to see her at all. Feel I have to realize I am not at a stage where I can commit to anything really, and must keep things more casual. As for talking too much, so what, that is me - take it or leave it - and actually yesterday visiting my friends would have been much more boring without my presence!! That is what I am telling myself, I think the program is really helping. Any comments would be much appreciated. Bye for now.
Joy
Do hope I have posted this correctly so you can all read it, if you wish.
Focusing on the negative things in positive situations
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Guest
Good for you, Joy, and making such GREAT progress yesterday! (Clapping hands!)
Remember, while we WANT to do for others, right now, WE HAVE TO DO FOR OURSELVES! WE must concentrate on handling our anxieties and fears, and take baby steps in our recovery/coping.
I QUIT making promises a long time ago, as I do not know how I am going to feel two days from now, a week from now or, a month from now. I simply take things ONE DAY AT A TIME. Thus, I am not disappointing myself or anyone else.
Good luck to you... I am PROUD of your step yesterday. Continued success to you!
Remember, while we WANT to do for others, right now, WE HAVE TO DO FOR OURSELVES! WE must concentrate on handling our anxieties and fears, and take baby steps in our recovery/coping.
I QUIT making promises a long time ago, as I do not know how I am going to feel two days from now, a week from now or, a month from now. I simply take things ONE DAY AT A TIME. Thus, I am not disappointing myself or anyone else.
Good luck to you... I am PROUD of your step yesterday. Continued success to you!
Hi Joy! So nice to hear from you today. You did have accomplishments, and the proof is how you felt.
As for the fear that you talked too much, don't we all sometimes? If I had a half penny for all the times I've rambled off on Safari in conversation while everyone else sat at the bus station waiting to go home, I'd be rich, rich, rich. Not a big thing, kiddo!
As for your friend who anticipated your visit. I can understand both of you. After my father passed away last summer, my mother depended on me for 100% everything. If I told her I'd arrive at 9 a.m. and I did not get there until noon, she was devastated! She would actually sit and begin watching out her big garden window as early as 7 a.m. because my visit was the high point of her day. I never realized it until after she died, and my aunt shared this information. I was devastated, then, because I thought of all the little disappointments I must have been responsible for in her lonely sad days. I can let those guilt feelings dissolve now, because I cannot change them. People who are where your friend is at, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, are often so very needy. I encourage you to go visit. Next time don't even say you will or won't. Go visit as a surprise when you can do this on your own schedule.
As for your brief mention of a money incident, if it keeps coming into your mind, try this: write down what that issue/incident is about; then write a solution on the next page. Put both pages away. It's done. You have addressed it. Every time you want to take the incident out and push that thought around, remind yourself you already have a solution, and it is safely tucked away in a drawer, and then light a candle and imagine the flame is dissolving the thought. Just some ideas I have learned in later lessons.
As for the fear that you talked too much, don't we all sometimes? If I had a half penny for all the times I've rambled off on Safari in conversation while everyone else sat at the bus station waiting to go home, I'd be rich, rich, rich. Not a big thing, kiddo!
As for your friend who anticipated your visit. I can understand both of you. After my father passed away last summer, my mother depended on me for 100% everything. If I told her I'd arrive at 9 a.m. and I did not get there until noon, she was devastated! She would actually sit and begin watching out her big garden window as early as 7 a.m. because my visit was the high point of her day. I never realized it until after she died, and my aunt shared this information. I was devastated, then, because I thought of all the little disappointments I must have been responsible for in her lonely sad days. I can let those guilt feelings dissolve now, because I cannot change them. People who are where your friend is at, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, are often so very needy. I encourage you to go visit. Next time don't even say you will or won't. Go visit as a surprise when you can do this on your own schedule.
As for your brief mention of a money incident, if it keeps coming into your mind, try this: write down what that issue/incident is about; then write a solution on the next page. Put both pages away. It's done. You have addressed it. Every time you want to take the incident out and push that thought around, remind yourself you already have a solution, and it is safely tucked away in a drawer, and then light a candle and imagine the flame is dissolving the thought. Just some ideas I have learned in later lessons.
"Life is not about comfort. It is about living." Dr. Howard Liebgold
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Guest
Hi Pecos, Many thanks for your response to my post. I do understand all you are saying. Must admit though that today is not good, feeling very negative and don't feel like talking to anyone - sort of a "hurt" feeling! I have had lots of good days and wonder whether I am punishing myself a bit today for the good days I've had. The mind is so complex! Thanks again, always good to hear from you.
Joy
Joy
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Guest
Hi SeeBee,
Thanks so much for responding to my message and for your good advice. It is much appreciated. Not having a good day today but can't really complain because I have had quite a lot of good days recently. Just don't feel like communicating with anyone today, just talking to my plants on my balcony! Perhaps I am being selfish but don't really care today. Tomorrow I am sure I will feel totally different once again! Thanks again.
Joy
Thanks so much for responding to my message and for your good advice. It is much appreciated. Not having a good day today but can't really complain because I have had quite a lot of good days recently. Just don't feel like communicating with anyone today, just talking to my plants on my balcony! Perhaps I am being selfish but don't really care today. Tomorrow I am sure I will feel totally different once again! Thanks again.
Joy
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Guest
Hi Joy, I think you are using a couple of very good strategies to deal with your viewpoint of situations that bother you. Re: feeling embarrassed about talking too much, it might help you know that some people (like myself) have difficulties expressing the way they feel for fear of judgment. I would be happy to be feeling a little chatty in a social situation (b/c I often hold feelings in)!!
The way I like to try and cope with embarrassing situations is to wonder how I would feel about the person if it was them (not myself) who did the very thing that was embarrassing me so much. If you had an interaction with someone and they talked too much, would you dwell and dwell on the fact that they talked too much? As a person that suffers from anxiety and depression, I know I wouldn't! I would be dwelling on myself. And most people are too wrapped up in their own lives they might think about this for a millasecond but then go on to thinking about what is going on in their own lives. I know it can be very difficult to remember this (I often find myself groaning and groaning after I feel I have embarrassed myself) but it's worth reminding yourself.Also remember that your feelings of embarrassment WILL pass.
It sounds like you are making a lot of progress so kudos to you Joy! Keep up the great work
The way I like to try and cope with embarrassing situations is to wonder how I would feel about the person if it was them (not myself) who did the very thing that was embarrassing me so much. If you had an interaction with someone and they talked too much, would you dwell and dwell on the fact that they talked too much? As a person that suffers from anxiety and depression, I know I wouldn't! I would be dwelling on myself. And most people are too wrapped up in their own lives they might think about this for a millasecond but then go on to thinking about what is going on in their own lives. I know it can be very difficult to remember this (I often find myself groaning and groaning after I feel I have embarrassed myself) but it's worth reminding yourself.Also remember that your feelings of embarrassment WILL pass.
It sounds like you are making a lot of progress so kudos to you Joy! Keep up the great work
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Guest
Hello Joy - You may want to try just explaining to your friend what is going on with you right now. That you're sorry there was a misunderstanding and your intentions were good. I found that simple apologies work well if they are sincere. If someone doesn't want to forgive us then there is really nothing we can do about it, and we have to work on letting it go.