A misscarriage has me without hope.....

mlws · Post by **mlws** » Thu Jan 15, 2009 12:26 pm

I am new to this forum and really in need of some guidance and perhaps some friendships. I feel as though I am slowly loosing my mind. I've suffered for as long as I can remember with severe depression, and have recently had severe panic attacks as well. In November 2008, I lost my first pregnancy at 9 1/2 weeks, and I can't seem to find alot of sense in my own exsistence. I can't turn off the voices in my head telling me that I've done so many things wrong and that I don't deserve happiness, and that somehow I even deserved this loss. Right now there is no bright side- although I've had alot of friends tell me there will be. I just feel lost..........any advice on how to get back????

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 15, 2009 1:02 pm

I can relate from having similar difficulties. Maybe when we feel so down, the permission or permitting part of this program brings comfort. We can feel bad, accept it, and then be okay with our feelings rather than fight all of it. To begin to rouse ourselves out of it, though, this might be the different kind of opportunity this program gives us. We can reword our thoughts into positive after fully allowing the natural sad and bad

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 16, 2009 4:57 am

I know how you feel also. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. It's devastating and my mother-in-law made me feel as if it was no big deal...said alot of women have them. Try not to feel guilt or that you deserved this loss. When I am in the grips of depression, all the bad memories and events in my life seem magnified. I hope you can find a way to heal whether it's through this program, talking to someone or medication. I pray every morning that I can when my depession isn't getting in the way. I am one to want alot of compassion and feel sorry for myself, but I know it's only my depression and hope tomorrow will be better. There is help out there. I know it's hard, but try to find ways even if it's baby steps. Do not feel bad about your loss...it is real and hits hard. Give yourself time to grieve, but also remember to have faith and be hopeful something will make up for this sad time in your life.

Hugs to you!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 16, 2009 5:31 am

I too have had a miscarriage and am now pregnant again. I cannot seem to find happiness with this prengnacy. I am driving my doctor and family crazy with questions and concerns, fear and worry. I know that no amount of worry I have will change the outcome... but my brain is stuck in that mode. I have tried to pray every day, but then the last few days, my body seems to be feeling good (not as tired and no nausea), so now I am convinced that I have lost the pregnancy again, and I just feel that there is no point in praying. I too feel as though I don't deserve to be happy... obviously there is something wrong with me, and I just feel damaged and broken.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 16, 2009 5:38 am

Hello MLWS:

Have you given yourself permission to grieve? A miscarriage is a loss and this is a sad time for you. I don't think it is uncommon for woman to look for blame when this happens. But it is nature's way of not continuing a process that could pose a medical threat. It is nothing that you could have stopped. Sometimes nature is much stronger than any interventions we could ever do. I am sorry for your loss, but the one ray of sunshine here is that you are able to become pregnant and when you are ready you can try again. My thoughts are with you. Take really good care of yourself and be kind yourself. You need lots of love and support right now.

My best to you...
Lynn

Eileen M. · Post by **Eileen M.** » Fri Jan 16, 2009 7:19 am

Hi MLWS....I know what you are to feeling to the extent of the miscarriage. I experienced one my 1st pregnancy, and thought my world was spinning outta control, and that no one else could understand what I was feeling. Well, that wasn't true. We are all here for you. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve. It is in God's hands. I just started this program this week for horrible anxiety, and know that in listening to this week's tape that we are all in a really good place for healing. Use the forums and your support that surround you at home. Listen to the positive and use your relax cd several times a day. You will survive this nightmare, I promise, and with this program, you will come out an extremely stronger person.
~Erin~

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 16, 2009 8:37 am

Hello MlWS, and others who are feeling so down:
Bless each of you. I understand your pain.
But you are going to feel better! Just hang in there a few more weeks!
I'm happy to share my experience with you.
In 1947, on Christmas Eve, I miscarried a baby boy. I was from August to that date pregnant.
I wanted the baby very much.
Yes, I was depressed afterwards. I grieved very much and my arms were so empty. I was days away from my 19th birthday.
My dears, life does continue.
And on March 14th , 1949, I gave birth to a 4lb. baby girl. She was early but she was so beautiful. She'll have her 60th birthday next March!!! And she is still beautiful.
Also, on Jan. 1st, 1951 I got another little girl, this time 5lbs and 13oz. And then in 1952, August 5th a little boy was born.

No, of course they didn't take the place of that child I lost. But they each had their own place.
There is going to be pain in life. It is inevitable. And you are not the cause of the pain . It is just life. God doesn't at any time punish you and you deserve happiness very much. And you'll have happiness . And you'll have some sorrow along the way. Everyone does.

But raise up your heads, dry your eyes , and give thanks for this day, and for the blessings that will come to you. They will come.
Acceptance is a good attribute to develope. It will calm you and you'll find peace quicker.

And this program will enrich your lives. Work at the program as best you can.
Live in the moment. You are alive.
We don't know the reasons why we face losses in life. But there may be a good reason.
I will say a prayer for you all.
MJ

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 16, 2009 8:50 am

I AM EVER SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS!! Truly, I am. As someone who will not to be able to have children because of fibroid tumors being too big, I empathize with you. The only thing I can say is that , if it is a possibility to still have children and really want to try again. Please don't lose hope. When you lose hope there isn't any faith.

Just remember that you can turn to God!! Ask for guidance. Things won't always be bad. We all need to accept reality for what it is. Accept that there is pain and try as best you can to move on.

LUVG · Post by **LUVG** » Fri Jan 16, 2009 10:38 am

I too am very sorry for your loss. I also expienced a miscarriage with my first pregnancy.The feeling of loss and emptiness was so very overwhelming. No one in my family had experienced one and I felt like there was something wrong with me. Thankfully, my mother-in-law had experinecd this same type of pain. It helped having her to talk too.

My family were so saddened by the loss they were unable to talk about it.I think they thought it would upset me.

It takes time and lots of tears before you begin to make peace with it. I now understand that it was not meant to be at that time. I was very angry at God over it but forwhat ever reason it was not meant to be.

I often think of my baby especially every November when he/she was to be born. I think you never get over the loss but you do make peace with it.

Know you are not alone. Let yourself grieve.
Take care and God Bless.

rose_thorn98 · Post by **rose_thorn98** » Fri Jan 16, 2009 11:11 am

Sorry for your loss. Each miscarriage is different for everyone, yet there is a common loss between all of us. I have lost 2 and have not been able to have children. The one thing that gives me comfort is knowing I have two very special angels in heaven. I think of them often and the months I miscarriage is like a day I remember to celebrate their angel wings. Knowing they are in heaven and at peace gives me peace.
Hope this helps and know you are not alone and my prayers will be with you and your angel is looking out for you.