Hi Everyone, this is such a wonderful place to vent emotions as they bother you, what a relief! I just called a friend I have known for many, many years and we used to be very close. We haven't been close for a long time now, she is very wealthy and lives a completely different life style than I am able to. However, I do try to keep in touch and we can still laugh together, etc. Once when I called her she said "Joy, I would call you more often if I thought we could just talk for 10 minutes"! I know I do talk a lot and I tried to take that the right way and made a joke out of it. Anyway, must get to the point - I just called and we were having a nice conversation but she suddenly said she was about to eat some soup and it was going cold so it was a pretty abrupt end of conversation. I am trying hard not to feel hurt, but I do! I don't think I'll call again, if she wants to speak to me she can always call me. She is very fortunate and owns a home in Florida so she and her husband are able to take off and avoid the cold winters here in Canada. They are golf addicts I think. She is much tougher than me and really doesn't understand this A/D thing I don't think. She suggested a good holiday to go on alone would be to take a cruise - at one time I could have done that I think but now my confidence has gone so way down, I just don't have the same confidence like I used to. Plus the money aspect of course. Perhaps your old friends are not always your best friends. I feel like getting under the covers, taking a few pills and trying to sleep the day away, but I know that is not a good thing to do, so am trying hard to get myself together to go out shopping, but it is soooo difficult. What is wrong with me? Anyone have any comments and/or suggestions? I hate being so sensitive.
Hope this makes some sense.
Joy
Too easily feel hurt and rejected
-
Guest
Hi Joy, I read your post and did feel sad about this: your old friend has her priorities a bit off kilter (just my opinion). I have a handful of really dear friends. I've been friends with these people (men and women) for much of my life. My dearest friend was also my best friend from childhood. We were best friends the first day we met when we were ten years old. She is still my dearest friend. If she called me at 3 am on Christmas morning, I'd get in my car and drive two hours to her house if she needed something. Joy, friends are priceless and you have made many friends right here, don't forget that. Look into your list of friends and share yourself and your time with the ones who realize what a special gift your friendship is to them. It's okay to have the feelings we have. They are, after all, part of who we are. Kind regards, Pecos
-
Guest
Good Afternoon Joy,
I feel for you and know how much we can let people's lack of kindness get to us. We are sensitive people and that's a good quality to have and if everyone in the world were like us it would be a much kinder and caring world. But that will likely never be the case so how do we get through our daily lives without all this hurt...it's a tough one and we can only try to avoid certain situations or people until we can better control how we react to them.
I always said I would be in a good mood until someone put me in a bad mood. Well that will likely never change completely and it's an issue I am fighting hard to overcome and I pray one day I will just be able to say " who cares" they don't matter and I do. I find there are more self centered people in this world than there are helpfull, caring, kind, thoughtfull ones and am just really trying to make myself understand that and work on being better equipped to not let those people bother me. What more can we do?
people will always in some way let us down and hurt us so we just have to try not to take it personally ( hard to do ) and not let them ruin our days. Time and life is prescious so shake yourself off and chin up and be ever so happy you are a kind person not out to upset others.
Best Wishes
I feel for you and know how much we can let people's lack of kindness get to us. We are sensitive people and that's a good quality to have and if everyone in the world were like us it would be a much kinder and caring world. But that will likely never be the case so how do we get through our daily lives without all this hurt...it's a tough one and we can only try to avoid certain situations or people until we can better control how we react to them.
I always said I would be in a good mood until someone put me in a bad mood. Well that will likely never change completely and it's an issue I am fighting hard to overcome and I pray one day I will just be able to say " who cares" they don't matter and I do. I find there are more self centered people in this world than there are helpfull, caring, kind, thoughtfull ones and am just really trying to make myself understand that and work on being better equipped to not let those people bother me. What more can we do?
people will always in some way let us down and hurt us so we just have to try not to take it personally ( hard to do ) and not let them ruin our days. Time and life is prescious so shake yourself off and chin up and be ever so happy you are a kind person not out to upset others.
Best Wishes
Hi Pecos, thanks so much for your response to my post. I feel angry with myself for allowing this to happen, allowing people to have control over how I am feeling. I wish was REALLY tough and insensitive, at least it wouldn't hurt so much. I did call another new friend I have made and she was so lovely, I met her at a group I go to of "older" people. She was very complimentary actually and seems to think I have a great personality (I do seem to come alive when I am around people)! I hadn't said anything to her about the call I told you about. I could kick myself for bothering with people who make me feel so rotten. I must try harder to stop doing that. I'm angry too, feel like calling Tish and telling her how I feel but know in my heart that wouldn't be the best thing to do. My really "old" friends who go back to school days are all in England so that makes it tough too. What to do? Thanks Pecos, you are always such a help and so kind.
Sincerely,
Joy
Sincerely,
Joy
-
Guest
just because she's your best friend or good friend doesn't mean that you are her best friend or good friend. Just because you've known someone a long time, or was friends for a long time doesn't mean you are still close friends. I think you should wait and see if she'll call you. Do you have family or other friends to talk to? If not, join a group or take some kind of class that you may be interested in, or if you're a Christian, join a chuch to meet other people.
-
Guest
Joy, you are so very welcome. Monty'smom and Deedee00 just now wrote something here that made me think of Lucinda's comment on an early coaching DVD. She said that no matter what we do, 60% of the people we meet won't like us, but that's okay, because no matter what we do, the other 40% will love us. I say, let's stick with the 40%. I have many more things to spend my time doing than spending effort and energy trying to make people like me from that 60% group. They aren't ever going to, and so that means, X them off the friend list!
-
Guest
What if. What if her soup was actually getting cold? What if after months of trying, she was finally spending time with her husband over that bowl of soup? What if she really only had 2 minutes yet she spent 10 minutes with you? What if she did the best she could do!
Here's my point. If she only ment you good then would you feel the way you are feeling. Maybe. But maybe it won't be as intense. So I am just offerring this little trick I use now that I too have become extremely sensitive.
1. I try to label other people actions as intending to be/do me some good.
2. I actually look at the time and tell myself I am only going to think about this and/or feel this way for XX amount of time and then I will move on. Yes, sometimes the block of time is over and hour and yes the feelings tends to come back again, but I simply block out another section of time 'ride' through the discomfort and them move on.
3. I've also trained myself to look at the time when the discomfort stops. Why? So I can be conscience that the pain does go away.
Here's my point. If she only ment you good then would you feel the way you are feeling. Maybe. But maybe it won't be as intense. So I am just offerring this little trick I use now that I too have become extremely sensitive.
1. I try to label other people actions as intending to be/do me some good.
2. I actually look at the time and tell myself I am only going to think about this and/or feel this way for XX amount of time and then I will move on. Yes, sometimes the block of time is over and hour and yes the feelings tends to come back again, but I simply block out another section of time 'ride' through the discomfort and them move on.
3. I've also trained myself to look at the time when the discomfort stops. Why? So I can be conscience that the pain does go away.
-
monty'smom
- Posts: 151
- Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:14 pm
Joy, I understand how you feel and I agree with Deedee's advice. she may be your best friend, but you may not necessarily be her best friend.
I learned that lesson several years ago when 5 of my close friends all got married one after the other and they were all in each other's wedding as either a bridesmaid or maid(tron) of honor... All except me. I was only given an invitation to the wedding. It hurt like hell that I was the only one out of us 6 that was not asked to be in any of the weddings. I thought for a long long time that maybe they looked down on me because I didn't have a boyfriend at that time and wasn't planning a wedding anytime soon.
To this day, I still don't know what to make of it. we have lost touch shortly after they got married so I guess the friendships weren't meant to be life long.
The only lesson I have learned is you just simply can't please everyone and in any relationship there is a 50/50 effort being made. If you are the one always making the effort, then that relationship needs to be evaluated.
I hope that you do find some friends closer to your area soon. I understand how bad it feels to want and need friendships and feel like your getting nowhere.
Wishing you the best,
Misty
I learned that lesson several years ago when 5 of my close friends all got married one after the other and they were all in each other's wedding as either a bridesmaid or maid(tron) of honor... All except me. I was only given an invitation to the wedding. It hurt like hell that I was the only one out of us 6 that was not asked to be in any of the weddings. I thought for a long long time that maybe they looked down on me because I didn't have a boyfriend at that time and wasn't planning a wedding anytime soon.
To this day, I still don't know what to make of it. we have lost touch shortly after they got married so I guess the friendships weren't meant to be life long.
The only lesson I have learned is you just simply can't please everyone and in any relationship there is a 50/50 effort being made. If you are the one always making the effort, then that relationship needs to be evaluated.
I hope that you do find some friends closer to your area soon. I understand how bad it feels to want and need friendships and feel like your getting nowhere.
Wishing you the best,
Misty
BELIEVE YOU CAN CONQUER ANYTHING~ AND YOU WILL !! I DID IT, YES !!!!!
-
Guest
Hi, Joy. I'm glad that you were able to realize that taking pills and spending the day in bed was not a good choice. Good for you!
I have been experiencing a similar situation for a few years and I've gotten pretty tired of it as well, but didn't know how to deal with it. My best friend of the past 10 years moved 45 minutes away in 2004. He told me over and over again that "nothing will change." Wrong. Everything has changed. If I want to talk with him, I have to be the one to call him. He rarely, if ever, calls me. Usually it's just to return my call. E-mail has become non-existent and we usually only see each other if I go to church where he goes to church. So, I have been seeing a Psychologist for the past few months and this has been a major topic of conversation. My Psychologist said that my friend and I needed to sit down and discuss our friendship/relationship in realistic terms so that we both know what page we're on and where we're going. My friend promised me that as soon as he got back from his three-week vacation he would call me and we would do this. In the meantime, my Psychologist has put me on a "do not call, do not pursue" ruling. It has been two weeks since my friend has returned from his vacation. I have not heard from him as far as his promise to me. But, I have not called him, e-mailed him or pursued anything with him. It has been horribly difficult and very anxiety-producing. But, I'm repeating the Program for the 4th time (I'm on Week 4) and continuing with what my Psychologist has suggested. I'm getting through it and I'm getting stronger. I think about him less and less. His not calling me is bothering me less and less. The anxiety is going away in regard to our friendship/relationship--or the lack thereof. At this point, I have no idea if I'll ever hear from him, but that's okay. I have managed to make other friends and get out of the house and do stuff otherwise.
Please hang in there. It's not easy, but it's worth it. Get involved in something--a church group, volunteer at a school, join a singles group... anything (within reason) to have support/friends.
Take care.
I have been experiencing a similar situation for a few years and I've gotten pretty tired of it as well, but didn't know how to deal with it. My best friend of the past 10 years moved 45 minutes away in 2004. He told me over and over again that "nothing will change." Wrong. Everything has changed. If I want to talk with him, I have to be the one to call him. He rarely, if ever, calls me. Usually it's just to return my call. E-mail has become non-existent and we usually only see each other if I go to church where he goes to church. So, I have been seeing a Psychologist for the past few months and this has been a major topic of conversation. My Psychologist said that my friend and I needed to sit down and discuss our friendship/relationship in realistic terms so that we both know what page we're on and where we're going. My friend promised me that as soon as he got back from his three-week vacation he would call me and we would do this. In the meantime, my Psychologist has put me on a "do not call, do not pursue" ruling. It has been two weeks since my friend has returned from his vacation. I have not heard from him as far as his promise to me. But, I have not called him, e-mailed him or pursued anything with him. It has been horribly difficult and very anxiety-producing. But, I'm repeating the Program for the 4th time (I'm on Week 4) and continuing with what my Psychologist has suggested. I'm getting through it and I'm getting stronger. I think about him less and less. His not calling me is bothering me less and less. The anxiety is going away in regard to our friendship/relationship--or the lack thereof. At this point, I have no idea if I'll ever hear from him, but that's okay. I have managed to make other friends and get out of the house and do stuff otherwise.
Please hang in there. It's not easy, but it's worth it. Get involved in something--a church group, volunteer at a school, join a singles group... anything (within reason) to have support/friends.
Take care.
-
Guest
Just a suggestion...go rent or read the book "The Secret". Basically it deals with the law of attraction...make yourself aware of your negative thoughts about that person and start thinking positively to attract the positive relationship you desire or to simply cancel out the negative one you think has come to the surface. I'm not sure how else to phrase this, but bless your friend and envision them as being sensitive to your requests and/or needs on an emotional level. She may have said what she did intentionally or she may have not. Who cares? Do your part, stay focused on you and being positive, act as though you have ALL the friends you need to support you, and you will be fine. Sooner than later, someone new will come into your life that really deserves your attention. Sensitive? I know what it means. Don't ignore people like that. Forgive them, bless them, let them go, if they are meant to be with you, they will come back. Good luck!