encouragement needed

imkay · Post by **imkay** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 4:53 am

i am really having trouble with my depression. i am only on session 1 day 5 and i am already not doing what i am suppose to. i didnt journal yesterday, i did my homework but that was it. i only half did my relaxation cd. i have not been on the boards for the last 2 nights. i havent even turned my cmptr on, when i get home.(i am at work now and sneeking a few min) i am having a hard time making myself do anything. all i want to do is sleep. if i were at home right now i would be in the bed, all day.

somebody please tell me that you have or had this problem and that i will get thru it. i so want this to be over with, but i am scared i am going to sabatage myself. i am soooo good at that. i want to do the program like i am suppose to, but i cant make myself. i'm very discouraged. (depressed)

help, please

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 5:35 am

I was there, right where you are. And I did motor on through. I had to be regimental with myself. Had to do the very difficult work even when I couldn't remember what day it was. As for self sabotage, aren't we good at that? I would suggest that if all your efforts to stay on the program fail, go see a primary care worker (physician, nurse practitioner) who is really good at understanding and treating depression. You may need the boost of a specific antidepressant to carry you beyond that early period of despondency. You can get relief. This program was my guide out, and I did not use medication. But I am a therapist, and that was a huge boost. If I'd continued to struggle without reward forward, I'd have sought medication as a supplement.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 6:22 am

Thanks pecos for responding. i so need for someone to understand. my husband tries, but he honestly thinks i should just "snap out of it".

i have been on medication for 13 years. i have tried a lot of different ones. right now i am on 1 for depression 2x day and 2 different ones for anxiety. i have been on these for about 3-5 years (i cant remember anything) maybe they have stopped working. i dont know. my husband thinks i want to be sick. im not so sure he isnt right. maybe i dont believe this program will work for me. my depression is to severe, to genetic, biochemical. this plays over and over in my head.

i am sorry to whine, but no one else knows what i am going thru. my husband tries to help, but he is not very good at it. he ask me last night if i needed a shrink, or was i going to kill them (family) while they slept. he was picking of course, trying to help my feelings. if he only knew how that made me feel. i just laughed to keep him from knowing.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 7:13 am

Hi Kay,

I am sorry and worried for you. Kay, sweetie, please call your therapist immediately and get all the support you need. I will give you a number to call. please call them to see if they can help you through this rough patch:

web site:

<A HREF="http://www.klove.com/About/AskAQuestion.aspx" TARGET=_blank>http://www.klove.com/About/AskAQuestion.aspx</A>

click Spiritual Guidance, then click counseling and advice and you'll get this number: 800-525-LOVE (5683)

I will leave it here, and pray for you. But I have to get this out to you right away. I hope I caught you right away. I had just seen this.

Extra big hugs, In His Love,

Gman5256

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 7:57 am

thanks gman. you are always there for me.

i tried the site, i am blocked here at work. i cant call the number because i dont have any privacy, but i will when i get home.

i have eaten lunch with some of my coworkers and they made me feel better. just listening to them talk will make anyone feel better. its just that i have bouts of depresssion where it is worse than others adn that is where i have been for the last couple of days and i knew people here would understand and maybe lift me up. just knowing tht other people go thru what i am going thru (although i do not wish it on anybody), helps.

thank you gman. and i will check on the website when i get home.

hugs back to ya

imkay

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 9:28 am

Hi Kay,

I just want let you that I am not far away from my computer. I just have to get away every so often, but I cases like the one you were going through, I get all worried and my b/p goes through the roof. This time it was not so bad, and I distract myself with other stuff and then I check my b/p and make sure it not too high. Before I return.

Don't worry, this time it stayed in the mid 150's/90's then 80's. I know that is high, but it is not like it had been or goes on some occasions dealing with things on this forum. I'm good

I am so glad that have your co-workers and they are there to provide you some support until you can do something else. Try to stay engrossed and occupied in your work as much as possible. At least until your next attack

Please I am just trying to spring a little levity.

Hey remember that old Rolling Stones song: here's come my 19th nervous break down. I bet you say, is that's all? I wish I only had...in a day.

Maybe you can try a few things in some old songs. Like whistle while you work or Gray skies are gonna clear up... Put on a happy face...or even hum these simple songs. I gave someone here a piece of advice sometime ago. BTW, I learned this over 30 years ago.

You can do this as a group exercise or privately to pump yourself up. In a Rhythmic cadence clap your hands, with every clap, say or think, each word: I feel great, I feel great, I feel great..., then switch I am great, I am great, I am great....I love me, I love me, I love me...I will win, I will win, I will win....

I think you get it. I think you will soon see that if you do this and keep doing this for as long as you can, your negative thoughts will vanish, and the exercise will release chemicals that release Endorphins and that will make you feel better maybe even great. If the bad stuff creeps in again, go back to the exercise and keep doing it.

Girl, you got me feeling like Dick Cheney with all his heart attacks. But somehow, I am still alive. What am I going to do with you?

I think I'll keep you. What else what I be doing? Oh yeah, worry ing about everybody else

Lots of hugs, In His Love

Gman5256

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 9:42 am

I am sorry that you feel like your own companion cannot understand you. I also feel like no one can ever understand me, especially my depression, so it has led me to become a very isolated person. I never liked any advice anyone had for me about how to deal with it. I get extremely extremely depressed as well, but I do not think that it means there is something wrong with me, but rather something wrong with the way I'm living my life. I think of my feelings as a barometer that's trying to tell me what is good for me and what is not good enough. I hope you do not let other people convince you that your feelings are not legitimate. Do you allow yourself to be sad sometimes and just say or write out what is going through your head and cry? I was also wondering, do your low times ever ease up? Does anything ever make you feel happy even if just for a moment? Sometimes when I need to lighten up so that I can just function I will think of this segment from Monty Python "Always look on the bright side of life" (you can see it on youtube) and it helps me laugh and lighten up so I can get myself to get through some task. In a way it reminds me of the "oh just snap out of it" advice, but makes it look so hilarious. A lot of times swing music can pick up my mood and make me feel very joyful and often energetic enough to want to dance. If you want to try that and don't know what to listen to, I would recommend Cab Calloway because it's pretty good and really easy to find because of his popularity. I really like just the lyrics to his song "Wake Up and Live", at least I think that's the title. I try to believe in them even though it's not easy.

I hope you are able to find something to make you smile about today. I KNOW you can find happiness.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 21, 2009 3:32 pm

I know exactly how you feel. I'm on my first week and haven't done all I was supposed to either.There's always some kind of an excuse.Maybe we can encourage each other.I have the same problem with always being tired and wanting to lay down and fall asleep. It's one way of getting relief from the pain of depression.Sounds like your a Christian,I am also. God will get us through this.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Feb 22, 2009 1:54 pm

hey guys, thank you soooo much for the support and advice.

gman i thing your blood pressure goes up because your hear is so big, it is just trying to keep up.

i am going to try the advice that everyone gave me, but i wanted to let everyone know i am okay. this weekend was not as bad as most. i have made it thru. i slept most of today, but i am really starting to believe that i am that tired. mainly because i feel better when i wake up. i think that working the whole week wears me out.

again, thanks to all of you. please keep me in your prayers as i will you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 3:37 am

Kay, you really need a change in medication or see a therapist. Believe me it will get you started thinking differently then you do. I was in the same place you are. I still take meds. and see my therapist. Then when I do get a chance to work on the program it makes me feel really great. You are not whinning you need someone to talk to that has the education to help you. I pray you get the help you need. I will pray for you. God bless you