I need your advice

Lambert · Post by **Lambert** » Sat Sep 20, 2008 4:33 am

Howdy folks.I have been casual friends with a girl for a couple of years that struggles with many of the same issues I do (i.e. high expectations, obsessed with what others think, etc.)I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years and while I did the breaking up, I certainly haven't been having a easy time as I have been doubting my decision as I like to make my life more difficult.I am happy though, that I have come to the conclusion that I should be loving a partner unconditionally and when I was with this fellow, I wanted to change him.Therefore, this was not a healthy relationship.Anyways, awhile back she was having relationship troubles and I was very supportive of her.Now that I am going through a difficult time I called her when it initially happened a couple of weeks ago and she said she would call me when she wasn't busy and we could hang out.It's been 2 weeks and I am resentful towards her because she hasn't contacted me.I don't expect her to dedicate her life to me but would have appreciated a quick phone call for her to show her concern.I realize that because she struggles with low self-esteem, she is maybe not able to give me what I need, which is fine.I also realize I should be able to get support from myself and not rely on others for it.I should understand because I deal with the same issues.There are a couple of ways I could deal with this: A) I could talk to her and tell her my feelings if her friendship meant a lot. B) I could simply not contact her unless she contacts me, understand she is not able to give a lot because of her condition and take what she is able to give me.

I do not feel good about myself around her so I'm thinking I should not seek her out.Regardless of what I do, I am looking for a solution that leaves me with the least bit of resentment because I do not want to feel resentment towards her.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Sep 20, 2008 5:07 am

I have been experiencing the same thing. I have a friend for 10 years, she has only been a friend and we've been there for each other so many times. A few months back she confessed that she was in love with me after the fact that I was after her in the beginning and she was chasing other guys around and showed no interest other than friends. Years later it all changed after these guys wouldn't give her the time of day??? anyways.. now I have no attraction for her at all and we decided to stay great friends as usual. Recently I helped her through another rough time where she started dating an alcoholic. Now I need her on an issue and she hasn't returned any of my calls ( 3 of them in 3 weeks ) but sent me a forwarded email. I have decided to not contact her back at all and I have decided to end this friendship that seems to be one sided now. She's done this in the past before and has her flaky times. It's a awkward feeling when someone you thought was a true friend shuns you. I guess this is where we have to be our own best friend and realize that anyone at anytime can leave us. Hope this helps you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Sep 20, 2008 5:19 am

Hi Lambert.
Why don't you just call her and tell her how you feel but don't expect her to respond the way you want her to. Instead hear what she says and then make your decision of whether you want to remain friends with her. As the program says, we are not to expect other people to behave the way we want them to, it's not going to happen no matter how much we think they should do something or behave a certain way. Keep doing the program you'll learn not to take things so seriously and personally. Your friend may be going through something right now. Maybe that's why she needs to get back to you. You did say that she was going through the same things as you.