making your happy moment bad

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Thu Jul 31, 2008 7:23 pm

I notice that when I am actually having a good time or feeling at peace (RARE) I think WOW i feel great and than think I really hope i don't get depressed or I think that I wont feel this way long and than almost instantly I feel depressed feelings . . So even when I get a break from my usual terrible feelings I still don't get a break. . because I think about it too much and must make myself depressed. . This is a bad habit. I make myself go back to the familiar anxiety/depression instead of enjoy the beautiful, peaceful moment. . I know I deserve to feel happy. . I guess I just know that my moods change like crazy. One minute I'll think I am dying the next I am fine. . than tired. . than hyper. . and than my anxiety issues come up. . one day i think I'll stop breathing the next I think Im going crazy. My symptoms change all the time. . I just want to feel balanced and act basically the same everyday. . I hate my mood swings. . anyway, does anybody do this??

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jul 31, 2008 8:39 pm

I don't do that. When u feel really peaceful or happy, then u should think, "Thank God I am at peace right now" and nothing more. You should enjoy that. Don't remind yourself!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jul 31, 2008 8:48 pm

I know exactly what you mean by spending half the morning trying to wake up and half the evening trying ot calm down. What has really helped me is just going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. Also when I used to wake up early I would go back to sleep cause I though that would be my only chance while the kids were sleeping but now I just think of it as they need 12-14 hours of sleep a day and I need 8 and maybe a 45 minute nap(no longer or you will be graugy. Now I just see those extra hours time for me to do whatever I want like list things on ebay or chat or even meditate with a warm bath. God set the suns pattern to go with our natural rythm and we have a rush of meletonin(our bodies natural sleeping aid) at 9pm and 3pm.These are designed to get us ready for bed or a nap. When we don't sleep on the right pattern we are dis-servicing ourselves. As far as having a good time and ruining it, I'm the pro at doing that. Whenever I am around anyone new I just start saying really offinsive and rude things to my significant other like degrading him because I feel like people hate me cause I'm boring and I have nothing to say. Thats the only thing I can think of to do and its awful. I mean I was the very most un popular kid in every school my mom moved me to because I never talked and if someone talked to me I would get so nervous that I would just start rambling about the most unusual and innapropriate things that people just thought I was so wierd. I have no idea of what to tell you about that because I feel like everyone hates me still including my dad and I fell like the reason they hate me is cause they think I'm ugly because of my weight. My stepmother told me I was gonna be fat like my mom and I had 3 babies in the last 3 years so now im really overweight and I feel worse than ever. I know I am very pretty but I need to lose weight. I fell like if I did my life would be complete. I am probably rambling on now andf making everyone on here hate me now so I better stop. I hope you know that your not alone though.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jul 31, 2008 9:42 pm

hey all guess what, no one is alon here, we all feel the same especially me, momto caitlen i was in the same boat in school i had a good school friend untill we left brisbane in year 2 then i had no friends and anybody that used to try to get close to me i would say stupid stuff and be hated, well untill about year 9 at least, then started to make friends by changing my behaviour and stop blaming everyone for my behavior, we did move alot as kids about 12 times i think and my parents used to fight heeps as kids and even when i would come home on the bus i would feel anxious and nervous about if i got home and they were fighting or dad was getting angry at mum, all i remember about earlier on was dad hitting mum and it sucked and i think thats where my anxiety extended from but am now working through this, i have just thought of all of this as i typing so thank you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 10:55 am

Hi, Holly!

Feeling good and at peace feels bizarre to me because I'm not used to it. I love it, and I am starting to get used to it, but it's bizarre none the less right now.

We can be really predictable people, and we tend to gravitate towards the experiences that we know, as opposed to the ones we don't know. The ones we don't know are scarier than what we do know. We get real comfortable in our daily experiences even if they are crappy. For example, if you are used to feeling depressed all the time, then you know that experience. You're used to it, and even though you feel like crap, it's comfortable because it's known. Whereas not feeling depressed is the unknown and thus scary. This is part of what makes recovery so challenging--breaking out of the mold of the comfortable known and embracing the feared unknown. Gather up all of your courage and embrace that feared unknown when it happens--peace and happiness, just as Violinist said. It will get easier with time and the more you experience those moments of peace. When I am feeling at peace, I always say, "I am so happy and grateful that I am at peace right now."

Genie

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 11:39 am

I agree with Violinist, but I BEHAVE like Holly J. Things have been so great, I've even been giving OTHERS advice on how to deal with their A & D. Things had even been good at work, but they hired THREE rookies within a 2 week period and now I've gone from sweet peace to a constant barrage of interruptions and questions ["do I have to dial 9 to send a fax??"]. I've become so overstimulated that I had to leave the office today @ 10am and now I'm on hour 4 of fighting off a migraine. Positive thoughts are all I have right now. My meds seem to have taken the day OFF! I can't even go out and appreciate the sunshine because LIGHT gives power to the migraine. Hoping for a better tomorrow...thanks for listening.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 12:38 pm

I used to do the same thing and thank God with the help of my 12 Step Program and now Lucinda's tapes I'm much better at being at peace with the happy times without waiting and watching for everything to become negative again. So keep working Lucinda's program and wgatever else positive you are doing.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Aug 05, 2008 12:04 pm

Hi Holly, sorry for not seeing this question sooner. My ability to pay attention has been MIA after losing a treasured pet a few days ago. But today I am trying to read and concentrate and be helpful. Truthfully, I have not one clue as to why you have these fluctuations. You do mention a lot of hormone issues in previous posts, and these wild fluctuations do sound like hormone issues. Are you taking anything that might counter something else that you are taking? Often times one medication or herb will completely change the way another works. I just feel terrible that you have this problem, and I am at a loss as to what to say. I hope you get this taken care of and your biology can just set itself on easy cruise. Best wishes.

~*schnauzermom*~ · Post by **~*schnauzermom*~** » Tue Aug 05, 2008 3:25 pm

I can relate very well to the 'making your happy moment bad.' By observing my body tension when I felt good or when something good happened I found out I was actually tensing up when I felt happy and it was described to me as body resistance. When I now feel happy or in a good mood I immediately say to my self "It's OK to be happy, it's OK to feel happy. I deserve it." over and over again and this resistance to feeling good is finally fading. It seems the negative feelings were around for sooo long that the positive feelings felt abnormal. They are starting now to feel normal, and my negative feelings are now starting to feel abnormal. So I guess you could say this program has worked. I do hope you will find a solution for the quick changes in mood you're having. I went thru such an awful time with this in my late 30's and I think I tried everything imaginable you could try. It did end up being my hormones at the time, but everyone is different.

sunrise · Post by **sunrise** » Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:57 am

This is my first post, as I am just starting the programs, but I have the same situation, frequently. The only things I have found to help, are making plans for yourself ahead of time to keep busy. For me, just sitting around in the mornings before work is a killer. So, I will go for a walk, meet up with somebody for a bike ride, or coffee, call somebody first thing in the morning to chat.