Anxiety stopping me from doing what I want to do

[mtvernon]

I have had anxiety pretty much my whole life but until 2 years ago I could control it. Then I went through about a full school year of terrible anxiety: I barely ate because I kept getting diarrhea, I avoided hanging out with my friends because I kept thinking "What if this" "What if that" even when I really wanted to see them, and I had a bad reaction to an anti-depressant. Lately I have been seeing a therapist. I have only seen her about 3 times and I see her once more before I head off to college which is the source of my anxiety. Sometimes I feel hopeful about coping with the anxiety, other times I feel pangs of fear that I will NEVER get better. I also feel sad and lonely a lot. I just got the Stress CDs today and I only listened to the Relaxation one. I also try other methods to cope with anxiety and I have medication that I only use when I feel completely uncontrollable anxiety (Which hasn't happened recently, thank God). However, I feel this dread because I know it will happen in a few days when I leave for college out of state. I know I have a support system: my family, my therapist here, the new therapist I will have at college, my friends, and all of you. But I want to know if anyone else feels lonely and disconnected a lot too? I have never felt that I've NEEDED someone to be with me or to talk to me/coach me out of negative thinking until this month. I feel anxious everyday that I wake up and I try breathing techniques to cope but I feel it's not enough. I know I will change when I get used to college life but I feel overwhelmed because I leave so soon, just as my problems are becoming full blown. Do you ever feel that you can't do something at all but know you HAVE to do it? I mean, I HAVE to leave for college (only 1 1/2 plane ride from home but I'm still afraid). Lately, I've even been afraid of certain things like going to the bathroom because I'm afraid of getting diarrhea again...and my sister is having a party tomorrow to celebrate her graduation from college and I know I will fill anxious a lot because everyone will ask me about leaving. I just want to know if anyone else has gone through this funk and how I can cope with it, honestly.

[BrotherDeborah]

I have to say you sound like you are going through normal college anxiety stuff. Please don't think I am not concerned for you, I am. But so many people go through this. You will hear at least three people (Lucinda included) talking about this on the CD's. This program got them through, and now they use these tools to keep all aspects of their lives on track. The program will help you. This community will always be here for you 24/7. Do you want to hear a little story? When I was 17 I graduated HS and used money I'd earned from PT jobs to buy enough plane tickets to fly me everywhere, even some countries that no longer exist under their old names. On the first leg of the trip around midnight we were over Moscow. It suddenly occurred to me I was en route to places, all of which I spoke little to none of the language. I was alone, still a kid, with not much money, and I started getting sick. One of the flight attendants noticed me panicking and he asked me to come up and sit with him in the front of the aisles. He spoke little English, but we conversed about school, about college plans, about families, and we ate butter cheese sandwiches (which he made for the passengers) and ate Swiss Chocolate (of which he gave me a bag to keep). He told me his country of origin, and he told me all the places he flew over and flew into everyday. He told me if he could do that for a living, he said I could do it for an adventure, and I should be excited, not nervous. I returned to my seat full of butter cheese sandwich, with a purse full of great chocolate, and with a mind to see it all as adventure. I proceeded to have the time of my life. I do believe if that flight attendant hadn't encouraged me to change my own mind about how I was perceiving things I would have been too scared to enjoy myself. You can do this. Your thoughts come out of your own head. Work this program. Follow all the instructions and guidelines, do it right, you will have a much, much better life for the doing of this. Best of luck.

[Guest]

The program deals with some of the problems you are having like "what if" thinking and negative thinking, like "I know I will have all this anxiety when I get back to school." Try giving yourself more positive messages, instead of telling yourself how bad you will feel. You have good reason to be very proud of yourself for taking the steps you are taking to deal with your anxiety,like seeing a terapist and getting this program. You are going back to school even though it's been difficult and you fear it will continue to be difficult. That takes bravery! You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Please try not to isolate yourself,worrying about whether something embarrassing might happen. Guess what - embarrassing things happen to everyone, you need to learn to shake it off and not dwell on it and not expect yourself to be perfect. The first few lessons have a lot of good advice for you. Best wishes!
BW