Does it help to journal feelings when depressed?

Charlie Brown · Post by **Charlie Brown** » Thu Dec 18, 2008 4:15 pm

I am currently a mixed bag of sadness, frustration and confusion. I could go into more detail (both here or on paper). I know the source of these feelings.

My depression is mild but sometimes it still feels like something heavy hanging over me.

spowers · Post by **spowers** » Thu Dec 18, 2008 6:07 pm

Sometimes, writing down what is bothering you can help. Some people just "free write" if they don't know what the problem is (just write everything you think).

Searching for some peace · Post by **Searching for some peace** » Thu Dec 18, 2008 6:28 pm

Yes journaling helped me tremendously. It helped me to understand myself and get through things I highly reccomend it for mental clarity. Another thing that you MUST do when depressed or anxious is EXERCISE even if its just 5-10 minutes a day. It is a natural way to help you feel better fast. Good luck!

You don't drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there.

Charlie Brown · Post by **Charlie Brown** » Fri Dec 19, 2008 12:39 am

Thanks spowers and Searching for some peace for the input.

Right now I feel a little nervous. I just called my supervisor to say I wouldn't be coming in because NY is expecting to get hit with a major winter storm. He had sent everyone an email yesterday saying anyone concerned about their safety and wasn't coming in to let him know tomorrow morning (now) ASAP. I did, and he sounded fine on the phone. I am just second-guessing myself and awfulizing--extremely bad habits I have had for decades.

The flip side of this would be me sitting in the office watching the heavy snowfall, wondering if he's going to let us go early, and then kicking myself for not taking up on his email.

My bout of depression last night was sudden and unexpected. I was on the phone talking with my wife (who slept over her mom's because of Dad's early doctor appointment) and I got a sudden thought about work and I became depressed. I just started a new job--ironically in the behavioral health industry--and it's been a rough start getting used to the computer systemS--2, with a 3rd coming next month--and the protocols for doing various activities. (Ex: do this if it's this type of provider, don't do this if the patient has THIS type of plan.) I have been there a little over 2 months. My supervisor is a good guy but he has twice already expressed concern. I understand his position and it's not like I think he's being off-base. I buckled down and have started to improve. He said so himself the other day and has also complimented me a couple of times.

Unfortunately, I got down yesterday when he gave us all a pop quiz on one of the computer systems and I didn't remember alot of it. He said I needed to refresh big time.

I also had two bouts of depression earlier this week because of disappointment and frustration in how things have started off in this job again, due to the computer system and the TONS of info I have to know (the do's/don't's I was mentioning earlier.) The bouts were also due to a mild return of asthma. The episode occurred last Thursday night just before I left. Most everyone went to the party and I started sneezing alot. Then it felt like there was no air in the office and shortly after that I got chest tightness. I know when this tightness feels like anxiety and this was not. I used my Albuterol and was quickly ok. I got depressed/numbed when I left. I haven't had an asthma episode in a while. (My asthma is very, very mild. Some drs say I have it. Some say I don't.) Plus I worked in this building two years ago and then I had reoccurent bouts of asthma or anxiety. In hindsight, I am not so sure if those 2006 episodes were truly asthma.

A little doubt has crept in my mind as to my ability to do the job and absorb the info (with lots more with new responsibilities and contracts coming in). I recall 4 years ago when I attempted auto sales and bailed out after a week because of all the car info on all the different cars I had to learn.

My career history is a sore part of my life. I never went after my college major, and I've gone from job to job (either voluntarily or involuntarily leaving). The only good thing that came out of this rocky job road was meeting my beloved wife. We met one day when I was in outside sales. Maybe my career history was supposed to be like this just to find her? Even with that consolation, I still get down because of the job instability and related money issues. I also get ticked off because of the constant job changing/searching for a new job and the ensuing emotional responses and dealing with those responses takes time away from my goal: being an online entrepreneur.

Oh well, I guess I am journaling here.

My plan of action is to get this cognitive behavioral book I saw on Amazon. Last night I also was checking out counselors in my work area. Cognitive behavioral therapy was a miracle-worker for my friend with pure OCD, and it saved my mental life two years ago when I had severe health anxiety.

Don57 · Post by **Don57** » Fri Dec 19, 2008 7:29 am

Charlie, I sympathize with the negative thoughts you are having. I assume you recognize that they are negative thoughts, whether they are based upon real life situations or imaginary problems. Journaling can help you identify exactly what the thoughts are. At that point you can go to work to seek to counter them with positive, compassionate thoughts and writing those down also.

There are a number of books out which teach how to journal. Dr. David Burns' "Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy" helped me understand this concept and excercise better and gave me an overall picture of what it was all about.

You want to perform well in your job, we all do, but you are facing some challenges with your boss and are having some doubts about whether it's all gonna work out. All I know to suggest is try and learn to be loving and compassionate to yourself, no matter how your boss [the world] treats you. Self esteem has to come from within us, not from our performance or our boss. What helped me in times like this was to tell myself that I was trying my very best, that no matter how it turned out, I was doing all that I could do. I can't control the outcome, but I do have control of how I choose to perceive and respond to the circimstances. Again, I understand very well the challenge it is to put this into practice. I would suggest seeking to learn to be your own best friend and learn to love and accept your "self" for who you are, not for who someone else wants you to be, Tape 3. Good luck to you.

Charlie Brown · Post by **Charlie Brown** » Fri Dec 19, 2008 9:31 am

Originally posted by Don57:
Charlie, I sympathize with the negative thoughts you are having. I assume you recognize that they are negative thoughts, whether they are based upon real life situations or imaginary problems. Journaling can help you identify exactly what the thoughts are. At that point you can go to work to seek to counter them with positive, compassionate thoughts and writing those down also.

There are a number of books out which teach how to journal. Dr. David Burns' "Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy" helped me understand this concept and excercise better and gave me an overall picture of what it was all about.

You want to perform well in your job, we all do, but you are facing some challenges with your boss and are having some doubts about whether it's all gonna work out. All I know to suggest is try and learn to be loving and compassionate to yourself, no matter how your boss [the world] treats you. Self esteem has to come from within us, not from our performance or our boss. What helped me in times like this was to tell myself that I was trying my very best, that no matter how it turned out, I was doing all that I could do. I can't control the outcome, but I do have control of how I choose to perceive and respond to the circimstances. Again, I understand very well the challenge it is to put this into practice. I would suggest seeking to learn to be your own best friend and learn to love and accept your "self" for who you are, not for who someone else wants you to be, Tape 3. Good luck to you.

Great reply and advice, Don. Thank you.

I actually did not recognize the thoughts are negative regardless of what they are based on. I figured them to be emotional responses to the situations. I DO know know I easily get frustrated, disappointed, and down when things like this happen.

Great stuff you wrote on self-esteem. I am either neutral or hard on myself. Self-compassion is not a strong trait. I guess I have some prior self-dislike for past career and financial situations (which have led me to my current career and financial predicaments.)

Deep down I know I am doing the best I can. I have felt it a couple of times, but these are drowned out by dislike of the current job problems and worry about losing the job.

Interestingly, while typing this message I got/feel slightly anxious. Thankfully my wife went inside and I snuck a 1/2 tab of Xanax.

Also, I felt a little guilty/worried I called out. I believe guilt is a symptom of depression. The snow has really fallen and accumulated since I first wrote.

Additionally, I feel like--once again, I have no peace at a job. Something always comes up.

Don57 · Post by **Don57** » Fri Dec 19, 2008 9:55 am

I am either neutral or hard on myself. Self-compassion is not a strong trait. I guess I have some prior self-dislike for past career and financial situations (which have led me to my current career and financial predicaments.)

Our past has a lot to do with it, including our early childhood experiences and what we learned or assume about ourselves from our parents and other significant people in our lives. It's very possible some things were lacking in parental guidance, love, security, etc. as you were growing up which caused self esteem to not be as healthy as it needed to be. That doesn't make us any less responsible for ourselves as adults, but it does help explain how all of this stuff happened to us and why we are the way we are today.

The fallacy in my thinking I continually have to confront is, "I have to have my boss's, friends, relatives, yada, yada, yada, approval in order to feel okay about myself." That is a lie, but because of the way I grew up this thinking is deeply ingrained and it takes me a lot of work to overcome it. It can be done, but it's a lot of work.

You may not buy it, but you deserve respect and validation because you are a human being, not because of how great a job performance you do or don't do. And it this doesn't hinge upon anyone else, especially your boss, recognizing it. I'm still trying to be my own best friend. At times I'm still my own worst enemy. This can be turned around in time.

Charlie Brown · Post by **Charlie Brown** » Fri Dec 19, 2008 2:17 pm

Don57,

Thanks for another reply.

You ain't kidding about our past and childhood

. I could probably do a 10 page thread on mine. It wasn't all that bad. I wasn't abused, didn't do drugs, grew up in the streets, etc. But dear ole Mom and Dad definitely left their less-than-positive marks on me.

I applaude you for realizing your approval seeking is a lie! You know your area for improvement and definitely sound like you're working at it.

For me, it's awfulizing/thinking or imagining the worst.

You may not buy it, but you deserve respect and validation because you are a human being, not because of how great a job performance you do or don't do. And it this doesn't hinge upon anyone else, especially your boss, recognizing it.

Thank you.

Yeah, I know about being your worst own enemy. I have been able to on an occasion look in the mirror and say "I love you," "I forgive you", etc.

I have been able to keep the depression at bay by cleaning my apartment and working on an online project. Typical of depression, initially I had to really push myself to do the project. I also have research and saved choices for a counselor. I am wanting to speak about my situation. I want to do this after Jan 1. I WANT to enjoy the holidays and refuse to let the depression prevent me. 2. My company switches insurance carriers on that day.

Also, I am sensing when I start talking about my recent job woes (this gig and the one before), I think I will start dealing with the whole job scenario of my life.

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Fri Dec 19, 2008 2:33 pm

Charlie Brown

Don is right that childhood lackings may have lead up to the depression and also that as adults we are now responsible. I know for myself it took me a long time to recognize this and it is so easy to want to blame and dwell on this kind of behavior.

Journalling can be such an awesome tool not only to deprogram yourself but to also keep track of your progress. It is very easy to filter out all the good stuff including our progress but if we write this stuff down then we have accepted the things we've accomplished and we've also accepted that we have limitations and struggles. I don't know about you but for me it just puts things into perspective and I can go back and read some of the insights I got and it can help me figure out what to do if i get into a rut.

Also if you journal online you can get some suggestions on how to handle some limitations and get support and on top of this you are helping other people by sharing your journey with them

it can be a great contribution to making this world a better place. Keep in mind this is only a suggestion.

Mike

Charlie Brown · Post by **Charlie Brown** » Sat Dec 20, 2008 4:32 am

Mike,

Grrrrreat post and suggestion about journaling online. Thanks.

One silver lining in this depression is now I will start cleaning up papers and stuff around the apartment. My wife calls me The Lawyer

. I have read here on the forum that a way to combat depression is to keep busy. Do some house work, exercise, etc. Yesterday after I called in because of the weather, I stayed online for a while then did some cleaning up. It felt good.

Last night I was feeling down so I went to bed. For me, sleep is a powerful anti-depression option.