I miss my creativity/decisiveness!!

[Lambert]

I have struggled with depression for about 10 years now, it cometh and goeth. I have listened to Audio tape 1 and I would very much agree that I am the standard personality type that is prone to depression (creative, sensitive, and so on). Creativity being directed inward instead of outward. Lately I feel sad that I cannot outwardly express my creativity and am so indecisive that it is affecting my work (and I just got a beautiful new job where I have been given the power to decide and be creative and flourish!)

I haven't done any creative writing for a long time and I would like to get back into that.I have just begun journaling again in starting this program.I used to LOVE cheographing my own dances and now I still dance but am too scared to contribute any of my own ideas to my dance group because this is my first year with them and I am scared of judgement.

Does anyone have any advice, can anyone relate?

PS I am so thankful to have this forum where I can communicate my thoughts at the moment they are occurring, feels better already

[Rachel81]

I sure can. I am a visual artist, and a teacher. I also grinned really big when I heard the personality traits....sooooo me! It is hard I think, b/c we have always been taught to look deeper. That a rose is not just a rose...a gesture or movement is not just a movement...dig deeper for the meaning and feeling behind it. And as a lover of the arts...you probably love to be taken to that place...to feel what the creator felt.
Well, that can be a bit bad if you can't keep it in line. I know that I really struggle with that. It trained me to do that with EVERYTHING. Put myself in that situation or place, and really feel it, experience it. Then you end up a mess....at least I did. I mean, I always was very sensitive, and an overthinker...and honestly kind of anxious and definitely dperessed. No one or thing did this to me. But it has been perpetuated and made into this monster that is/was out of control in my life.
I don't want to be too wordy (I can be). So, I'll stop with that, I'm sure you understand.
I would say to pick a favorite move or short combo (start small) that you have been working on, that you really like. That will help you feel confident. Maybe try to not present it as though....we need to do this, but rather...what do you think. Try to be open to the feedback and remind yourself of what they do/did LIKE, what was good.
I struggle with the deer in head lights issue too. Frozen, noncreating...b/c I usually don't like what I produce. As artists we ahve this brainchild and for whatever reason what we create never seems to be quite what is in our mind. I don't have a suggestion for that. I do need one though...so if you have any advice for that...please share!!!!
I began working on a large painting for my living room...I started it, needed to make some minor changes, now I kinda strongly dislike it! I have yet to go out and dive in again. I guess I should force myself to.

[Lambert]

Thanks so much for your response.I really like your suggestion about being open to feedback and not presenting an idea defensively like this is the only way to do this, that is helpful advice.I am so often defensive when it comes to decisions for some reason I don't know.I want to see myself as having the ability to make my own decisions and when I see people as possibly interfering with that (when they have their own opinion, which of course they are going to have) and if I see them as forcing that opinion on me, I get angry.Something to work on but at least I recognize it.

Re: your painting, get going! Art is a process, practice takes perfect.The only way you can grow as an artist is by practicing and creating.Maybe a lot of what you create will not be what you were looking for or what you had envisioned in your mind but I believe playing around will eventually lead you to magic.Have Fun