I was diagnosed as bi-polar about 10 years ago. Before that, I knew I was depressed, but didn't realize it was a biological problem.
Currently, I'm at the lowest I've ever been. My marriage of 16 years is totally on the rocks (we separated just last week), my job sucks, I'm broke, I've got debt pouring in, I don't think I'll be able to afford Lucinda's CD program - Plus I've been to the free clinics and groups in the area, and they've only made things worse.
I come from a long line of depressed relatives - a few suicides, alcoholism, physical & mental abuse, abandonment, etc... I had my own issues with drugs... most of my life events have been negative. I try to focus on the positive things, but bad stuff keeps happening. I need something else to hang onto, because it's all becoming too much. I'm trying to do what the program telling me as far as staying positive, but I keep getting kicked in the stomach (today, I couldn't spend Easter with my kids for the first time in their lives... I had to watch them go and try to smile as I waved goodbye to them). I'm guess one good thing is that I don't drink anymore, because I'd be a slobbering drunkard by now.
Does anyone have anything? I am so utterly desperate for some help, and right now I am having issues just thinking of how to frame my words without pounding my keyboard.
New to the Forum - not new to the issue
First of all, welcome! Ur in a good place for help. U said u didn't think u could afford the program, do u have it now? R u working on it? I can say I immediately started feeling soooo much better after session 2-3. I started feeling so much better and slacked off alot. I do not recommend that! I started in November and I'm trying to finish session 9 or 10. I don't even know where I am in it. Unfortunately, my symptoms have returned with great force. Depression is a daily ordeal and the actual anxiety attacks are returning. Not fun. Though, I haven't done my program in a few weeks. It's easy to put off when feeling better, again, I don't recommend it! In fact, I am starting to understand why some people on here are on their 2nd or third or fifth time doing it. I think u need to do it a couple of times to get the full effect if ur hard headed like me. I'm very set in my ways and I figure, it's taken several years to get me this way, it may take several to get me back, and that's ok.
I told u all that about me in hopes it may ease ur mind about the program. Sometimes it makes me feel better when someone gives me an idea about what to expect. Also, don't feel u have to just feel GREAT right away, or throughout the whole thing. Everyone is different though, u very well may!
I'm terribly sorry about ur separation and not spending Easter with ur children. I can't imagine how hard that must be. However, I'd like to commend u highly for not returning to self-medication through alcohol. Many people in the world aren't as strong as u, and u should be very proud about that! I too, come from a long line of alcoholism, child abuse, drug use in my family and myself, as well as a major death in my life that made me truly express those abandonment issues. Also, I haven't drank or done drugs in alittle over 5 years, aside from literally half a glass of wine once or twice a year. The point is, our genetic makeup and susceptibility is very similar.
U want to pound ur keyboard and get all these racing thoughts out? Just do it. I do. Obviously. It makes u feel better 99.9% of the time. I think there's something to the speed of thought vs. the speed of writing/typing. No one can type as fast as they think, it's scientifically impossible. People like us have these moments of continuous racing thoughts bouncing everywhere in our heads that we can't concentrate on any one idea, or we concentrate and over analyze one thought until it's something totally different in 30 sec! Writing it out MAKES u slow down the thought process so that u get thoughts out. If u just start writing it all down, or typing it out, after about 5-10 minutes of this, u'll realize ur thoughts have slowed which makes u not so out of control.
Another idea is of course the relaxation cd. Putting urself in a relaxed state of mind, not letting the thoughts disturb you is amazing. However, if my thoughts are racing out of control, I have to do the relax cd atleast twice to even work because I can't concentrate or pay attention to it the first time. This program will definitely help u though, because it sounds like ur alot like me. Financial problems, marriage problems, and the family history to boot. U said most of ur life events have been negative, that my friend, is purely the way u are looking at it. What about ur the day ur children were born? What about the little things in life u've done with them? Regardless of what's happened to u in the past, those children may not have been here had one of those moments been different. If we never suffered in life, how could we ever be good parents when our children will most likely suffer in their lives as well? Ur past has given u the ability to teach ur children how to overcome and bounce back from the hard times. Even though u may carry some of those events with u, this program will teach u to let some of that go, and again, teach u the skills u didn't have before, to teach ur children not to suffer as much as we have. They are just as susceptible and they have the same family history as u, teaching them now, as u learn, will help u both. But I will stop ranting now! Feel free to beat out ur keyboard anytime u need alil help. We all need help here, and who better to give it than people going through it as well?! Hope ur week is bright!
I told u all that about me in hopes it may ease ur mind about the program. Sometimes it makes me feel better when someone gives me an idea about what to expect. Also, don't feel u have to just feel GREAT right away, or throughout the whole thing. Everyone is different though, u very well may!
I'm terribly sorry about ur separation and not spending Easter with ur children. I can't imagine how hard that must be. However, I'd like to commend u highly for not returning to self-medication through alcohol. Many people in the world aren't as strong as u, and u should be very proud about that! I too, come from a long line of alcoholism, child abuse, drug use in my family and myself, as well as a major death in my life that made me truly express those abandonment issues. Also, I haven't drank or done drugs in alittle over 5 years, aside from literally half a glass of wine once or twice a year. The point is, our genetic makeup and susceptibility is very similar.
U want to pound ur keyboard and get all these racing thoughts out? Just do it. I do. Obviously. It makes u feel better 99.9% of the time. I think there's something to the speed of thought vs. the speed of writing/typing. No one can type as fast as they think, it's scientifically impossible. People like us have these moments of continuous racing thoughts bouncing everywhere in our heads that we can't concentrate on any one idea, or we concentrate and over analyze one thought until it's something totally different in 30 sec! Writing it out MAKES u slow down the thought process so that u get thoughts out. If u just start writing it all down, or typing it out, after about 5-10 minutes of this, u'll realize ur thoughts have slowed which makes u not so out of control.
Another idea is of course the relaxation cd. Putting urself in a relaxed state of mind, not letting the thoughts disturb you is amazing. However, if my thoughts are racing out of control, I have to do the relax cd atleast twice to even work because I can't concentrate or pay attention to it the first time. This program will definitely help u though, because it sounds like ur alot like me. Financial problems, marriage problems, and the family history to boot. U said most of ur life events have been negative, that my friend, is purely the way u are looking at it. What about ur the day ur children were born? What about the little things in life u've done with them? Regardless of what's happened to u in the past, those children may not have been here had one of those moments been different. If we never suffered in life, how could we ever be good parents when our children will most likely suffer in their lives as well? Ur past has given u the ability to teach ur children how to overcome and bounce back from the hard times. Even though u may carry some of those events with u, this program will teach u to let some of that go, and again, teach u the skills u didn't have before, to teach ur children not to suffer as much as we have. They are just as susceptible and they have the same family history as u, teaching them now, as u learn, will help u both. But I will stop ranting now! Feel free to beat out ur keyboard anytime u need alil help. We all need help here, and who better to give it than people going through it as well?! Hope ur week is bright!