depression/anger/alchohol

equestrian1 · Post by **equestrian1** » Sun Feb 14, 2010 9:06 am

just having a bad day. I also can't figure out this website sometimes!! anyway, my husband and I are fighting again. we are very different. He has been the "controller" thru-out our marraige. he knows just how to push my buttons esp. the "guilt" buttons. yet I was always afraid to leave him. now, I am stronger but he is not healthy, and so much time has passed, it seems pointless. It's been one of those love/hate roller coasters. can anyone relate?? I am so depressed. just when I think we are good, we have one of these days and here I am again in the pit. I drink too much and I am afraid of that but I have no outlet. I am trying very hard to use the tools I have learned here. If it wasn't for my children and grandchildren I know I would have gone thru with ending it all at one of the times I thought about it.but I can't bear the thought of what it would do to them. I am very weak and pathetic sometimes. I know it will pass but right now I am in the pit. I have been trying to forget the past. the unresolved issues that will never ever be resolved with a person who can never accept their faults and mistakes. You can't reason with someone who says the sky is "black" when the sky is really "blue." Do you know anyone like that?I am trying to just say, OK, lets just go forward. When I have a bad day like this, it all comes back...the emotional pain is overwhelming. The mistakes I've made! because I wanted happiness and I was just fooling myself.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:15 am

OK, I will respond to my own post, because I am better now. I am stronger from this program but I still need support and I will have to keep fighting. I guess there will always be those days when I sink back towards that pit, but I know it will pass. I have the tools, I know the history and I am a fighter. As stated in the book, "Hope and Help for Your Nerves"....."Look adhead to the peace of recovery and let time carry you there". A book, by the way, that I added to a growing list of great suggestions posted on this website. Just like in the middle of this rough winter, I know that someday soon the sun will be shining warm and the grass will be green again. I know what I need to tell myself when those bad days come and I just need to remember that "compassionate self-talk" Lucinda talks about and that "I am my safe place" and it isn't someone or somewhere else. Faith and prayers will carry us all onward to recovery.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Feb 18, 2010 7:54 am

Im truely glad to hear you are feeling better. I hope today is aslo a good day. I can relate to much of what you talk about. I know it is difficult and it sounds like a cliche but we must just look at one day at a time. try to get better one day at a time. good luck

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Feb 19, 2010 9:54 am

I am reading this book and it makes alot of since. The name of the Book is Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud. In this book he describes boundaries and owning what is ours, our behavior, our thoughts our attitudes..... Others behaviors thoughts, attitudes are not our responsibility nor do we have the capacity to change other people. May times in my life my boundaries have bee crossed by other people to the point where what they do or say uncounciously I own them. But how can I own them when truly they are not mine to own. For example when someone is angry and directs the anger toward you. Its not ours and its not our responsibility to fix it. The other person owns the anger and its there responsibility to adjust their behavior. They may try to blame us, but we can choose to respond by letting them know we are sorry that they are angry and we choose to not participate in there anger and they need to take responsibility for what is theirs. They are the ones that need to face the consequences and own up to what is theirs. We need to be stronger in not letting them push our buttons. The choice is ours. We own our behaviors and responses. Its an awesome book. I reccommend reading it and ponder thought provoking healthy changes. Its time to speak without shrinking or feeling guilty for what someone else said. We are our own parachute

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 2:46 am

Hi

,
I think this link would be very "beneficial" to you!!!

A brother on another thread shared this link about "Salvation and Deliverance from Alcoholic beverages!!!

This is such an inspirational true story and I believe with all of my heart, if you watch this video all the way through, then you will find there is much hope for you and your marriage!!!

Here is the link... Joyce Myers!!!

My heart truly goes out to you!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 02, 2010 3:52 am

Hi equestrian 1. Just cruising through the forum today for a few minutes, but had to put the brakes on after I read your note here. One of the things this program encourages its active members to do over and over again is to find supplemental reading. I am a retired therapist and a novelist. I've had a good life and two very successful careers. I did not have a good marriage, and I've never had a successful relationship. (After graduating from this program, I finally understood that, as well, and won't keep making those same mistakes). When I ended up here in the depths of depression, waking up every morning in full bewilderment, I was about as lost as I've ever been. I did recover. The program was the key; however, supplemental reading kept me focused on what I was doing and why I was doing it. Our brains are either on our sides, or not. And my brain chemistry, with a lot of help from me, was taking me on a fast train to destruction. If you drink too much, do go to AA. If you need more focus to keep you on this program, learn more about how your brain works. When you do that, you will see the pure science behind this program. When you understand that science, everything falls into place. Don't give up. But do supplement your reading until you really, really understand why your brain chemistry, and how you think, is keeping you stuck. I wish you a full and wonderful recovery in all aspects of your life.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Mar 03, 2010 10:02 am

Thanks for all your comments and support. I watched the video, I have added dr. Cloud"s book to a long list of reading I am making my way thru, journaling, praying, started Yoga, etc. It all helps. I have learned a lot from the program. I still have a lot of problems and a complicated history but I am also blessed in many aspects of my life. Most important, I do have a relationship with God and the belief that faith has, and will, continue to carry me thru hard times. I am not a quitter, which is another reason I have continued to work at a difficult marraige, although it can be argued that sometimes moving on is not always a negative decision. People always said I "was so strong" to continue, but truth be told, I was too weak and frightened to change. I recently read "the Alchemist" which was very very inspiring. Also, from an unlikely source.... I love American Idol and last night,I related so totally with the young man who talked about the "stagefright" he faced and how it took over his whole being. After his song, Simon commented "you don't have to feel nervous, unless you're useless". Since I have been pushing myself to do things that has recreated that 24/7 state of anxiety, I found this statement quite empowering, because I am not "useless"!!! Thanks again and may God bless all of us.