The Challenge...Lesson 4

[NinjaFrodo]

I am more recovered everyday. No matter how negative I feel or what symptoms come up, I am still ok. I accept the reality of each moment and do not fight it. I have goals and I achieve them. When I feel frustrated I know it is a sign that I'm on the verge of making a breakthrough and taking a big leap on a goal

That quote above is the one I suggest for this week. Tomorrow day 1 for lesson 4 You guys are all doing such a wonderful job in keeping up with the program. Great job!


I wanted to find a videoclip and it took me a bit to find and well i think this one is pretty good, check it out especially the first part. The guy talking after that scene is pretty smart too and talks alot about expecations as well.

Expectations vs Reality

Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

I am more recovered everyday. No matter how negative I feel or what symptoms come up, I am still ok. I accept the reality of each moment and don't fight it. I have goals and I achieve them. When I feel frustrated I know its a sign that I'm on the verge of making a breathrough and taking a big leap on a goal

you mentioned when you use the word "got" as in I got to copy these things... or I have to mow my grass, or I have a billion things to do. I have been changing that word/ words to I get to mow my grass, I get to ride my horse. I get to clean my house because I'm lucky to have one. it is a honor to be grateful for things, all in my attitude which changes my perspective. Just a side note that I have been working on.

This is a direct quote that THH said to me on page 4. I've actually started to notice that some of the things that people direct to specific people have some really great information that everybody can benefit. This is one of those things. I don't know about the rest of you but I hadn't done much reading of posts directed at others but I'm going to start to do so because it could be so much more effective for everybody to do so.

Anyways the purpose to posting this quote is that it fits with this week's lesson. It is also a great way to motivate us and stop procrastinating. Shoulds, Have tos, Musts, Outta's, Gattas and yes got tos (:P) creates resistance when you say those things towards others and also towards ourselves. It creates stress and expectations and when it comes to the saying you can motivate yourself with the stick or the carrot, saying all those things like shoulds and musts is like beating yourself with the stick. Focusing on the benefits is like motivating yourself with the carrot.

So a suggestion I have instead of saying I should do X is to say, I get to do X and thats great because it will give me the feeling of ______ or I will feel this way or I can relax now and enjoy things better, or I'll feel more confident about myself, or I get to improve with this skill, I'll get more money to spend on X. Focus on the reward.

What this does is it;
1) motivates you to do the activity and other activities so you get things accomplished
2) it reduces the obsessive thoughts you get when you resist doing something you don't want to do
3) you get more self-esteem and self-respect which in turn gives you more energy and determination instead of feeling guilty which can actually eat away at your self-esteem and respect
4) you start to get excited for things that before would cause so much stress
5) your overall anxiety and stress level decreases so you have more control over your cognitive abilities
6) it puts out positive energy which not only helps you but other people around you as well

So for me (at least this week), I'm planning to utilize this and make a section of it in my daily posts and you're all welcome to join. My plan is to list goals that I have for myself for that day, replace a negative thought within that goal, focus on the benefits and write about my experience. Also I will write about my experience not following through on a goal as well.

By the way, I have a few ideas for this week and so I may have suggestions I will post throughout the week that I encourage everybody to participate in.



Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

I am more recovered everyday. No matter how negative I feel or what symptoms come up, I am still ok. I accept the reality of each moment and do not fight it. I have goals and I achieve them. When I feel frustrated, I know it is a sign that I'm on the verge of making a breakthrough and taking a big leap on a goal.

(I keep updating this until the next day)
Tuesday;

Relaxation
Relaxation cd in the am;
This was a very interesting experience this time around. I have kept in mind what THH said about I get to mow the grass and so I decided to apply it to using the relaxation cd. I still have resistance when it comes to using the relaxation cd but I had told myself that "I get to use the relaxation cd and thats great because I get to get even better with relaxing and move even closer to my goals" that got me to participate more with the relaxation session. I also thought about how when the progressive muscle relaxation part comes up and I start to feel a little more anxious and this is after I tell myself that "I don't want to do this, it's too hard and not worth it" and then my mind starts to throw obsessive thoughts about something that makes me angry. So when that part of the session came up I told myself "I get to do the PMR and I like doing it because I feel alot less tense and this relaxes me so much" This reduced the obsessive thoughts tremendously (however there was still somewhat of them because this is still a new thing i'm practicing) and I was able to focus better on it.

I also got something similar with the visualization part because I tell myself "I can't visualize" or "I'm not able to visualize good enough" and that also starts to send obsessive thoughts. Again I told myself that I get to improve on my visualization skills and how great it'll be after awhile of practice. How awesome it will be to be able to visualize anything I want and go so deep in it to the point that I could create any feeling I want at any given time. So what ended up happen after practicing all this is, I was able to focus on the session 80% of the time and I enjoyed it 40% more then I usually do.

Goals for the day
1)Flush out system
It was really gross to consume the water with seasalt in it but I reminded myself how much better I would feel after it. I did it, and I made several trips to the washroom and I felt better. I had more energy, I felt happier and more motivated. I can't remember where I read this but it said a majority of the serotonin is created in the intestines and perhaps thats why I feel aweful when my digestive system slows down and when I feel better when its working at its normal pace.

2)Singing lessons
Didn't really need to do too much motivation for myself there. I listened to that defying gravity song and imagined myself being able to sing with that kind of passion and it sounding really great and that motivated me to do the singing lessons. I felt pretty good for that!

3)Laundry
Not a task I overly resist but I still get somewhat resistant and I have accepted that I could faint and thats alright, I'm still going to get the laundry done regardless. I didn't faint and I got the laundry done and it was fine!

4)Clean room
A little more resistance but kept up with the whole fainting speech to myself and kept telling myself that I enjoy having a clean room, it'll make me have more self-respect, it will also help me grow with my ability to handle anxiety and the obsessive thoughts and so the act of cleaning my room will also add to my recovery and my ability with my skills. I did a little bit of cleaning but not a whole lot which is fine. Its a partial accomplishment which is still an accomplishment. I would have done more but was running out of time because I wanted to get to hip hop

5)Wrote information from old journal into new journal
This has been very hard for me to do in the past as I would get alot of anxiety and obsessive thoughts. I would kept telling myself that I didn't want to do it along with many other things, this would create obsessive thoughts about the exhaustion and It would actually give me immense anxiety where I would have to stop to relax but I would still have that high level of anxiety for awhile because I was still obsessing over the exhaustion. So again I worked with the fainting thing and kept telling myself that this will help because then I can carry around the smaller journal and won't have to worry about it being destroyed and how it would also help in me becoming stronger with my skills. Last time I did this I only was able to do 17minutes and I felt very guilty and horrible after doing it. This time I did 29 minutes and I felt really great about it and on top of that, I got it finished!!! I pulled out that blue stone that I used to remind myself to slow down and I was trying to rush it but I looked at the stone and I calmed down and there was even a few moments where I actually enjoyed writing and felt calm about it! That was truely an amazing event!

6)Hip-hop
Not something I really need to push myself to do. I enjoy doing it! It was however really hard today and I wasn't able to get the whole routine but I got most of it and I was ok with that. An idea I realized from this is I can write down the things I wasn't able to do in maybe another journal (like I don't already have enough of those) and then work on those things while I'm on my own. It'll give me something to do besides spend tons of hours on my computer and I can become stronger with my hip-hop skills. Which in turn might get me dancing gigs sometime in the future.

7)Read
Reading has been a huge limitation for me. Mostly because I would tell myself that I can't read, it doesn't make sense, I can't visualize enough and that I should understand and remember better. This always caused me to feel obsessive (except when it came to self-help books because I was more focused on how they can help me and my expectation of how amazing I will feel after reading those books), and I would get so anxious that I would fulfill those negative thoughts. It would make the thoughts true. I took my time and stayed with it, I accepted that I might become exhausted and I was ok with that. I read for 7 minutes as I didn't have too much time and I kept focusing on how it could help me feel better and stay more in the moment (It was the New Earth book about living in the moment). I felt good after it, not resentful, guilty or anything like that. A little tired but thats alright.

Negative thoughts
1)I don't want to do the progressive muscle relaxation, its too hard and not worth my effort.
->I get to do the PMR and I enjoy how relaxed and less anxious I feel after.

2)I don't want to clean my room, it uses up too much of my precious energy.
->I enjoy having a clean room, I feel more calm, I get more respect and not as overwhelmed. I also feel good about having other people over as well. It gives me more energy to make accomplishments and this one doesn't even take that long!

Comment
One thing I've realized when it comes to the 6 steps now is about asking questions. Questions are very important (and I think I've created a thread in the past about it which I might refer to at a later time) and I feel a little more confident about the one where I ask what is really bothering me. To go a bit further now, I can ask myself "Am I unnecessarily rushing things?", "am I worried about becoming exhausted?". Those are 2 common patterns that I've identified and am going to add to my toolbox.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

I am more recovered everyday. No matter how negative I feel or what symptoms come up, I am still ok. I accept the reality of each moment and do not fight it. I have goals and I achieve them. When I feel frustrated, I know it is a sign that I'm on the verge of making a breakthrough and taking a big leap on a goal.

This song is an amazing fit for this week's lesson. Check it out guys! I feel like this right now!

Defying Gravity (Glee version)



Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

I am more recovered everyday. No matter how negative I feel or what symptoms come up, I am still ok. I accept the reality of each moment and do not fight it. I have goals and I achieve them. When I feel frustrated, I know it is a sign that I'm on the verge of making a breakthrough and taking a big leap on a goal.

One thing I've noticed lately is that I can be very serious alot. I've had many people joke with certain things such as when I was in yoga class there was a cd from the 90s and the instructor was making a joke saying that I was in my mother's womb when the cd came out. I knew it was a joke but I thought hey thats not right and so I defended myself and said hey i'm not that young. She then said, I was joking. I had another thing yestaurday with my hip-hop instructor for some reason we were talking about soap operas and then he looks at me and says come on you know about it...I got defensive again and said how would i know about this stuff. I get really akward and don't know how to respond to those kinds of jokes. I guess maybe there is a bit of perfectionism there. Have any of you guys had this problem before? Any suggestions or advice?


Mike

[mcshope]

I am more recovered everyday. No matter how negative I feel or what symptoms come up, I am still ok. I accept the reality of each moment and do not fight it. I have goals and I achieve them. When I feel frustrated, I know it is a sign that I'm on the verge of making a breakthrough and taking a big leap on a goal.

Hi Mike,

I am happy to see you back. I know you had a few difficult days... and it is OK, you are OK.
I really liked the video and the song.

When people try to make a joke, is not easy to understand their real intentions, was the person trying to make you feel bad or they were just having fun.... You know what, IT DOESN'T MATTER. You decide how much attention you are going to give to those things. You can laugh at it and let it pass or you can get upset.
A lot of people do not always think before they say something, on the other hand, we think too much, we are extremely careful with what we say and how we say it.
Try to let those things pass, because if you think too much about them, you can end using that to make yourself feel bad. To dwell in it is a way of negative thinking.
I hope it helps.

And as I said... IS NICE TO SEE YOU BACK!

[THH]

I AM MORE RECOVERED EVERYDAY. I KNOW THAT MY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS CAUSE ME ANXIETY. I ALSO KNOW I CAN CHANGE THIS. I AM OKAY EITHER WAY. I AM ON MY WAY TO MY GOAL.

Mike,
You sound good!
I think mcshope said it well. the only thing I can add is,
you say you have had many people "joke" like in your yoga class.( like kidding around) i think sometimes it may not really be so much of a joke, but maybe a way to connect with their students. Esp. if they are older teachers, and their students are younger. It maybe a tounge in cheek way but I think they mean well, maybe want to make you feel connected relaxed a part of it, more than the way you maybe taking it, you are thinking this is dumb, and I don't get it. I say humor them! LOL...
I really get that about the soap operas, as many years ago EVERY one had to be home to watch their "story" I think even teenagers did. I only know a very small handfull of people who still watch them.

So I guess I would say, your being a bit too serious about that. On the same hand you have a valid point, and you get to choose to A. Let it go, forget about it. Or B. Defend it.
Like in the tapes, they talk about it, and say if it is something really important to you defend, if not let it go. You don't have to win every argument, or always be right. If you believe in something real stong go for it. But I would not want to go around setting everyone straight on how they talked to me. That in its self could be a 'new chapter' LOL...

I check myself from time to time to see if I am over-reacting, over sensitive many times I am. Then I remind myself to lighten up. I am not in controll of the universe, dang good thing, we'd all be in big trouble! LOL...
I think all the self help makes me too somber, and humor is a great way to break it up. It relaxes the mind to think of something funny.
Remember that link you posted with all those guys marching like robots? Would it been fun to see one of them, sit down and refuse to move? Or walk back wards? Break it up a bit. Just my thoughts... Hope it helps.

Here we are back to expectations again!

Again for me, I could realate to Ken. I did not know what a negitive thought really was? It was not until you ( Mike ) put all those positive thoughts that I realized all my self talk was negitive! I did not realize that me thinking of going to the dentist was negitive. Until I attached all the negitive scary thoughts along with it. So I had to get in between my thoughts so I could separate real from negitive, scary thoughts.
Its still hard for me, but I kinda get it and catching or iding those negitive thoughts is where it is at. Once you can pick them out, you can change them and it is like majic, you feel really different.
It is empowering & exciting. Once you start to feel the negitive thoughts you can challange them, they can't fight back, they can only fade away or disapear.
Mike I think you found that out by challanging your threat of "I'm going to pass out, faint", ect... Go ahead faint, I'll just get up and do what I was doing. Call the bluff so to speak. It goes away! Good for trying it, and I'm glad it worked for you!

I too liked your gravity video/ song. Nice...

[NinjaFrodo]

I am more recovered everyday. No matter how negative I feel or what symptoms come up, I am still ok. I accept the reality of each moment and do not fight it. I have goals and I achieve them. When I feel frustrated, I know it is a sign that I'm on the verge of making a breakthrough and taking a big leap on a goal

In response to (When I use this statement I am responding to what someone else has said but everybody is welcome to read it)

So In response to mcshope;

Thank you and yes it was sooo difficult. I'm not sure if it was because of the cold or because I had forced myself to eat beyond feeling full with the chinese food a little while ago or what but my digestive system wasn't functioning properly and I was creating more toxins in my system then my body was eliminating. It wasn't good but I flushed my system out and I feel better now. It was also a great learning experience in order to accept the feelings of exhaustion and to realize that it is one of the things my body does in order to avoid doing things I really don't want to do. Great learning opportunity.

That was a pretty good video and song eh? I wanted to give visual examples of how expectations work, the comparissons between it and reality and I also wanted to add motivation with the song. I felt really inspired by that song and I wanted to share that with others. We can always do with more motivation!

Both situations the people there are pretty happy people whom will take the time to conversate with me after each class. They are nice people, give advice and help me to grow and improve in the appropriate areas (by appropriate i mean for the class the instructor teaches). You can usually tell if someone is trying to make you feel bad just by the tone of voice they use, the facial expression and a few other things. Your right I can make a choice weather to get upset or laugh and I choose to laugh and maybe in some cases go with it! You are right though about over thinking things and looking to much into what someone says. I do that alot!

I'm not going to give up that easily!!

In response to THH
I am feeling better after I flushed my system and I am more determined then ever! I even got more accomplished then I have in awhile and alot of it has to do with what you had said to Karen L about telling yourself "if your going to faint, faint" and get back to doing what you were going to when you come to. Its helped me out so much. I'm realizing that this is what is really bothering me when I face certain limitations such as writing information from the one workout journal to the other which by the way I finished today!

Tongue in cheek way? I don't understand. I think it may have been exactly how you put it with making me feel more apart of the group so to speak. Its really wierd about the soaps especially from a hip-hop instructor who doesn't really care about that kinda stuff. Ya i guess it isn't really realistic to set everybody straight in how they talk to me either. That could take years! I don't actually remember that in the tapes about if its something really important than defend but that makes alot of sense. What makes something really important?

Wow i'm glad I helped make such a huge impact with your recovery and it means alot to me that you say this! Are you talking about the affirmations as the positive thoughts? Or just how I responded to your posts? I have gotten to a point where I could stop most of the negative thoughts dead in its tracks but then I'd reach that point in the program where it said to face my limitations and then I just gave up and never fully recovered but your right it does feel like magic. Yes that helped out so much and I'd definately suggest checking out my tuesday post to see all of the changes that have happened! I feel diffrent already!

Thank you, it really fits with this lesson. I feel really good about posting it and I listen to it over and over again! It fills me with motivation and inspiration.


Mike

[THH]

Mike,
Yes that really helped me too when I got mad enough to confront my fear so to speak, which at that time was a feeling of overwelm and I thought I might pass out. So I did say what I said to myself, and the feeling went away! Glad I thought about writing about it and it helped you.

I know I use alot of slang, and to be honest I don't really know all the meanings!!!But I do think you get the gest of what I was trying to say. Not to say that some people go over the line and make you feel lesser, like pandering.
In the tapes when they went over why we have too always be right. I believe it is in this session? But maybe in the Anger one? They basically say choose your battles wisely. You don't have to be right all the time. ect...
For me that means its ok for someone else to win the debate, My way is not the only way. Maybe I could learn from their ideas. I'll try and find the track that they talk about it and post it.

Yes when I heard Ken talk about not realizing how his thoughts were so negitive, I could totally realate. On my home work I could not think of a negitive thought. I did not do my home work in that section because I did not reconize my negitive thinking. It would of been easier to write my 4 positive thoughts! LOL...
After reading your affirmations I could see the difference and use it as thought replacement. So really both, mostly your affirmations and secondly your post of conversation we have had over the past months. You and others always made me feel welcome and positive things to add to my thinking.
I too was prejudgeing things just like Ken. Go into a room and feel I'm not going to have fun here. But I too would stay and had a great time. It was what I was telling myself...Negitave thoughts! So yes, Mike you were VERY helpful in helping me see by your posts! THANK YOU!
I will check out your Tuesday post too. Glad your doing well!

[NinjaFrodo]

I am more recovered everyday. No matter how negative I feel or what symptoms come up, I am still ok. I accept the reality of each moment and do not fight it. I have goals and I achieve them. When I feel frustrated, I know it is a sign that I'm on the verge of making a breakthrough and taking a big leap on a goal

In response to THH's reply;

So you got so mad when it came to confronting your fears that you basically told yourself that even if you faint you're still going to do the task you had planned? The way I see this is you are taking away the secondary gain with a statement like that. Your not listening to it!

Hmm that could be with the anger tape or assertiveness tape. Choose your battles wisely. hmm you know I just finished going through the first run of lesson 4 and one big thing for me is how Lucinda had said how she taught her son to say life's not fair and how that worked! I think I may add that to my affirmations and just keep reminding myself that. Then I won't have to worry about having to defend myself over every single negative thing people say to me.

Haha I guess those positive thoughts would just be about random things no? Yay I made a change in someone's life then . Myself I had a hard time believing that the negative thoughts I wrote down were true, never mind trying to believe the positives. I have also learned from others how to replace thoughts so basically i guess i'm just passing down the same thing.

I prejudge alot. This isn't going to work or that's not going to be worth it. This person looks mean so they are obviously mean. I'm the same with Ken on the prejudging and the generalized anxiety (which he mentions in lesson 1). However listening to lesson 4, I feel like I relate more to chris. The generalized anxiety, the obsessive thoughts, living in the past, not being house bound but if I didn't have to do anything then I wouldn't because it took too much pressure and pushing myself to do things.


Mike