Middle ground on expectations?

Shifrah · Post by **Shifrah** » Wed Feb 18, 2009 12:03 pm

I must say I'm really enjoying this session about lowering expectations, but how do you find a middle ground?

For example: I understand about having unrealistic expectations about having a "perfect" home but I don't want to let go so much that it's a pig pen at all times, that I would allow the kids to leave their junk everywhere, etc. I can't imagine not being embarrassed in the event of a surprise visitor.

BTW my house is far (very, very far) from perfect let alone always being clean, it seems like it's never really clean and there are always messes to be cleaned up, it's frustrating to say the least, so I'm not an obsessive clean freak by any means!

So, how do you find that "middle ground" between having high unreachable expectations and not having any expectations at all?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 18, 2009 5:31 pm

Shifrah,
I think your question about finding a middle ground is really important. I find that I tend to hold such high, unrealistic expectations for myself, but I am afraid to let go of these expectations for fear that others will see my flaws or inadequacies. Finding this balance is really important. I would say continue to journal in order to recognize how unrealistic your expectations are and ask yourself what is the cost of these unrealistic expectations. I find that I am not really enjoying life. I do not laugh and relax as much as others because I am so concerned about pleasing others and having this or something else be perfect. I miss out on the fun parts of life because my work expectations are so high that this heavy load carries over into my home life. It impacts my health, time with my friends, and time that I could be doing something positive for myself. I am starting to prioritize my life again and set time limits. I would say it is reasonable to spend time picking up your home, but remember that people come to your house to see you not to evaluate how clean your home is. There is no magic number for what is a good middle ground, but rather what level of a clean house could you live with that allows you time for other priorities that are important in your life.
Just my thoughts, but hope if helps some,
Amy

Vickixox · Post by **Vickixox** » Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:38 pm

I really liked this session too, because I am often dissapointed by people's reaction towards me. I guess I expect people to be good to me just because I am good to them. I need to reavaluate my golden rule. I am slowly learning to accept that I may treat people nicely and they may not treat me nicely in return. People are unpredictable. And I struggle with this alot. So I am learning to lower my expectations of people and to accept that just because I choose to be fair and respectfull of people. Others will not necessarily treat me that way. The middle ground I guess is always doing my best, knowing that I cannot control other people's behavior towards me and accepting that life is not fair and things are not always going to go as I want, and as Lucinda says, it's not a big deal, I am not going to die from it. Peace

Alicia1003 · Post by **Alicia1003** » Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:29 am

Shifrah; As I learn more about lowering my expectation I find I have more trust in myself. I also have less stress due to not having disappointment from expectations of myself or others not met by me or them. As the stress eases I have started becoming more productive and less worried about not achieving. I believe when we reach that middle ground you speak of we will feel balance in our lives. The more I learn I learn to trust I am okay just the way I am and I posess the ability to change through chioces the less I worry about others judgements. And the more I develop this attitude the less people judge me. If that suprise visitor arrives to see you believe they are there to see you not your house and they will see you not the conditions of your house. A lot of what you are worried about isn't as impotant as you may think. Also there is a difference between clutter and filth. If you notice any filth take care of it and the clutter becomes less noticable. If someone is there to judge your house then you may want to reexamine your relationship with those people. Read you can hael your life by Louise L hay. That can help with your perceptions of life also. God bless you as you continue your progress with this program: Bradley