Should List - Valid shoulds?

missgsr · Post by **missgsr** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 8:29 am

I've been having kind of a difficult time deciding whether my "shoulds" are reasonable or not. When I first think of them, they all seem valid for some reason or another. So, I thought I'd share with you how I expanded my "should" list to better understand what was reasonable and what was ridiculous.

1. First of all, I made two separate lists:
* My shoulds for myself
* My shoulds for others

2. I make three columns:
* Should statement
* Why should I (or they)? (reason for should)
* Is it reasonable or valid (should I worry about it?)

This helped me. Hope it helps for others...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 9:49 am

This assignment has been interesting for me. I found when I went back that the earlier work left me with a zero on should. I crossed out all of them and now find a relief for this part of the homework being done. My bigger job is to begin about goals for me, things I 'want' to do. I wonder about the should list and kind of see it as permission to go and do all my life, my patterns guide me into - maybe I could and would

A valid should?

rose_thorn98 · Post by **rose_thorn98** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 3:05 am

I've put an effort into just eliminating should statements period. (they sneak in sometimes but now I am really aware of them) Instead of writing or saying "should" I replace this with "I want to", "It would be beneficial if I", "I would like to", "It would be helpful if", etc. When it concerns other people I replace with "It would be nice if they would......but that doesn't always happen and that's ok." etc. These replacements have really helped stop a lot of my judgmental feelings towards myself and other people and makes me feel like I do have control over what I do. It also helps eliminate an awful lot of self induced stress.