Making your home enviroment positive

lost but lookin · Post by **lost but lookin** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 6:31 pm

I have 4 kids. They are all negative to each other and themselves. I tried talking to them about being positive since I am on lesson 3. I suggested getting their own "negative jars" and when they say something negative they have to write it down and say something positive. And at the end of the month the one with the least negativity would be rewarded. They acted as if I had lost my mind. I tried explaining it to them but they laughed at me. My entire extended family is extremely negative I do not want my kids to live this way. I am changing and I want them to learn to change. Any suggestions?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 6:48 pm

Suggestions? Yes! You need to stay away from your extended family if there is such negativity. Especially if you have that much negativity going on with your four kids. You come first. You have to take care of you in order to take care of your family. You need to keep your kids away from the negativitiy from the extended family or anyone else in your life that is that way because that's where they learn to be who they are. Kids neve do as we say, they do as they see. They learn from what we "show" them. Our every day character is what they see and how we handle situations, people, etc. I have had to let go of my extended family too and anyone else, friends, whoever, that is negative in any way. This is a hard enough battle. You don't need to battle others too. It was hard to let go of the extended family and friends as I felt guilty and bad, etc., blamed myself, etc. But as time has past, I know it's the "best" thing I have ever done. I still suffer from anxiety, but it was one huge step forward, my friend. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are and you handle your situation.
Sincerely, Tracy

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 6:50 pm

And by the way, I also have two children, ages 2 and 4, and my husband that's a handful, and my father that lives with us in his little house in our backyard.

samcat · Post by **samcat** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 6:58 pm

Thanks Tracy! I have 4 kids and a great husband. His family is great and loving mine is horrible. My mother and siblings only call to vent all their problems most of which they cause. I have became withdrawn from females because the ones in my family are gossipy, backbiting, trouble makers.My mother, sister, aunts,grandmother all of them. Surely all woman are not this dramatic?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 7:03 pm

No, all women are not that dramatic. My sister is like that and I'm still working on not listening to her troubles and trouble making. She's causes all her problems. I don't have anyone to talk to since I've decided to keep all the negative out of my life, so it's hard and I'm lonely. Can't talk about my anxiety with my family and especially my husband. He doesn't understand. And is not very understanding, unfortunately. But I have to make this work because I have my babies.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 7:10 pm

I understand not only is my family negative they think I am the crazy one. I wish your husband could understand. Mine I think took awhile to. I try to talk to him about it he listens at first then says can we talk about something else. He is very loving but seems not interested when I deal with this day to day. I will be here for you. You dont need to feel alone because you are not. You have befriended a new support.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 7:16 pm

This is an excellent topic. I placed a good sized bulletin board next to my desk at home. I put up pictures, cards, scriptures, affirmations on it. The only thing that can go on it is something positive. I am not crafty or recreative but it works.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:26 am

You cannot run from negative people. You just have to decide how you are going to deal with them because they are always going to be around but you can't let them drive you crazy. Talk to them but not often and when you do let them know what you are not going to listen to. I had to do this with some of my relatives. I told them that I love them but I'm working on myself and that there's some negative things that I'm not going to discuss. Now they know what to say to to me and what not to because I don't like a lot of "drama".

Take care. DeeDee.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 12:16 pm

Hi deedee00,
I tried that, but with my husband's family, it just didn't work. They do it anyway and that's just in them and so luckily that's one thing he and I see eye-to-eye on is limiting his family, which is consisting now of just Christmas. But my family listens and knows that I don't want all the negative and do a great job. I have sister that just doesn't know anything but that, so I have to work on myself in not letting it get to me.
Sincerely....

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 1:28 pm

Hello all,
I have 5 sisters. 2 of which are extremely negative. My mom can be very negative at times and very supportive at times. My oldest sister is very domineering. She knows everything and has to be right at all times. She does not seem to like too much in life. I think it is because she is miserable in he own family life.
The second one is very jealous of almost everyone in our family. Siblings, neices, nephews. Now she is starting to focus on the little ones. She has one daughter and lived her life through her daughters. She thought her daughter was going to turn out so perfectly and when she didn't the rest of us pay the price. They don't even know it and if you brought it to their attention they would lash out at you so bad! I tend not to call them so much. This is before the start of this program. I can't deal with all the negative talk. I have to defend myself, my kids, my neices and nephews. Everyone else is horrible and they are perfect. It drives the rest of us up a wall. My mom I can talk to sometimes and other times she gets very negative. At those times I feel myself getting angry, but just try to change the subject or say I have to go do something. People don't understand. My husband doens't either. I know it's because we have been through a lot together, and I feel this is one more thing to tell him I have. I have depression. The doctor's say it's bipolar. Oh no today it's anxiety. He probably doesn't want to deal with it anymore and furthermore he is not a self help type anyway. He would never go for this type of program for himself, although I see lots of anxiety in him. As Lucinda and also Dr. Phil would say, we have to work on ourselves and hopefully when the family sees the change and really feels the change they will react to us differently and we will be able to react differently to those buttons that they always seem to push just right. Lets hope.
sign me: Still HOPEFULL