Positive thoughts are lies

MsPurple · Post by **MsPurple** » Sat Oct 09, 2010 5:00 pm

I have a really hard time believing positive thoughts or statements. I've been depressed all day. Sure I had to work instead of going to my niece's birthday party, but that's no reason to think all these negative things about myself: no one likes me, I'm not important, I'm selfish, no one needs me, everything I do is wrong, I'm not special, nobody really cares about me. It makes me cry to write those things because they're so hurtful.

I try to turn these into positive statements, but I don't believe them! I tell myself, "people do like me! I'm good at a lot of things! I'm important to my family! I don't have to feel guilty." but I feel like it's lies! Like it's something you say just to make someone feel better, but even you don't believe it. Like telling someone, "you're not a loser" when you're thinking, "how much longer do I have to console this loser?"

It really bothers me that there was no trigger for this today. I've been having good days lately, but suddenly I'm as deep in depression as I ever have been. The worst part is I'm sitting in the same room as my fiancé but he's playing games and I don't want to bug him with this stuff and ruin his good time. I just want to hide it from him. Why? And why do i feel so down on myself today? Am I really this talentless, pathetic loner I think I am? Which thoughts do I believe? How do I know which ones are true?

Please help. Sad.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Oct 11, 2010 1:18 am

Ms. Purple... I would say they feel like lies to you, because you've probably never told yourself that before. I know I have a lot of trouble with that also. Right now instead of trying to replace them, I'm am focusing more on just trying to stop them. I will sing a song or do something to get my mind off of it. I know myself, I have decided I have to focus a lot on my self-esteem... because I also more so believe that I'm worthless, not good at anything, etc.... The more you tell yourself you are the more it will start to seem true. I made a list of things and say them to myself everyday... I feel the more I do this - the more I will start to beleive...

You are important Ms. Purple. You are loved - you wouldn't have a fiance if not!!

even in a notebook maybe make a list - you say no one likes you - make a list of all your friends... bet it's longer than you think - if no one liked you why are they around?? I don't know that will work for you - just some ideas

Good luck to you Ms. Purple... and know that you are NOT alone in these feelings!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Oct 13, 2010 4:17 pm

MsPurple

This was something I had a hard time with as well. One thing you can do is instead of trying to replace a negative with a positive is to replace and irrational thought with a rational one. It can make things alot easier.

Also when you have a negative thought you can always find some situation in which that thought is true however there is very likely to be situations where that thought is not true either. Ie. You might say to yourself that you aren't good enough and well you might not be good enough to do rocket science but you would be good enough to tie your shoe.

The point I am trying to make is that your negative thought might be partially true but not completely true. Your positive replacement thought could be more true. Its alot easier if you look at it in a gray area as opposed to black and white.

Hope this helps,

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Oct 17, 2010 5:23 pm

Thank you. Both your comments really helped! I am looking at things as black or white. If I make one little mistake I tell myself, "See? You can't even do that right!"

From your suggestions, I had an idea! I'm very crafty and I think it would be a great idea for me to make a panic box. I can decorate it and fill it with activities and, I always forget this, my relaxation CD. I never remember it till I'm done panicking anyway. Mostly, I need a way to express myself. I should paint. I'm a think-inside-the-box person so I need to explore the abstract. I get caught up in making things perfect so much that I punish myself for making mistakes. With abstract there are no mistakes. Thank you guys for the inspiration!

Don't you worry, we'll all float on alright. ~Modest Mouse

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Oct 18, 2010 12:03 am

MsPurple, glad I could be of assistance. I know it can be hard to not beat yourself up sometimes. we are so use to it. Habits can be hard to break/change but it can be done!!

Looks like you have some good idea's to help yourself - that's awesome!!!

We all make mistakes, time to learn to live, learn and move on

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Oct 20, 2010 10:03 am

Don't feel bad about having to do the responsible thing. You needed to go to work. I'm sure your family understands that you could not have called in and missed work, that would not be the responsible thing to do. If they don't understand this then this is not your fault or your problem it is thiers to deal with.
Release the guilt because you have nothing to feel guilt or shame for. There will be other birthday parties. Maybe you could make it up to your niece in another way on your day off. Say you are sorry and move on. Some times we are alot harder on ourselves then what people really are.
You my dear are not worthless you are full of worth. The mere fact that you even cared about missing your niece's birthday party and care if you are loved tells me that you are a tender, giving,loving,person. The fact that you did not want to disturb your fiance with your problem at the time tells me you are also giving and protective and unselfish. I think you are a wonderful person with so much to give and I'm sure you leave your loving imprint on those you love and who love you. I do not know you and I can tell just from your letter you are special. Remember Positive thoughts are good and healthy and They are the truth our mind wants us to erase. Hope this helps.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Oct 23, 2010 7:20 am

Hey Ms. Purple I felt the same way today because I coulnt be with my nephew whos is only here for two days. What really makes it so bad is that I have not seen him in 16 years. So,maybe there is some correaltion about not being able to do socialor family things and having to work that causes negative thoughts, because before then I was doing ok with week three.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 10:08 am

Ms Purple,
Hi, I am new to the blogosphere on this thing and I can totally relate to your post! to get in the present moment I just notice what is going on right now exactly as it's happening, and what's around me; it gets me to look outward instead of inward. For instance, right now, sitting in a cafe /sunshine shafts coming in the window/comfy chair/warm mocha/funny vampire mannequin in the corner... not worrying about feelings or the bad night I had last night. I also created a playlist of really funny and empowering songs that always get me feeling good.Hope that helps!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Oct 29, 2010 8:25 pm

Ms Purple and all my other brave fellow seekers,

You post really hit me, because I just started #3 and I feel exactly like you do--what's the point? I have a hard time identifying negative talk, I just know that I hate the way I feel. But you know what I try to keep reminding myself?

According to the cognitive and basic psychological principles that underlie this whole thing, it's actually NOT NECESSARY for you to believe the positive self-talk the program encourages you to do. Because from the start, your subconscious hears everything but makes no judgments as to whether something it hears is right or wrong. I could be thinking that no one really cares about me and be RIGHT, but believing that makes me feel bad, so I'm simply trying to burn new, positive concepts into my mind to overwhelm the negative ones that currently rule me, regardless of what's true.

Of course, the truth is that it's very unlikely that NO ONE cares for me, or you, or most anybody--but don't even bother wrestling with that, it's beside the point: the point is to do anything you can to change the way you think about yourself, INDEPENDENT of the truth.

So just follow the program and even let yourself become robotic about challenging your negative self-talk with positive. All that matters is that if you do it enough, the positive will inevitably become more true to you than the negative--and you'll feel better for it--period. It really comes down to quantity, not belief.

At least that's the understanding I'm going forward with.

Hope this means something to somebody.

--G