I can't believe i didn't figure it out before!!

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Fri Apr 10, 2009 3:47 am

Lately i've been doing research more on cognitive behavioral therapy and it's funny because i am doing it obsessively...ever since i've been suffering with the anxiety and depression my goal was to have it go away. My idea was i was going to work really really really hard so that one day I would wake up and feel amazing. This however, is not something that will ever be possible, at least not all at once.

I know that we've been told that Depression isn't something that just starts all at once...we've learned it and it took awhile to control our lives, but i guess i distorted the idea of overcoming this to be putting in lots of hard work and study and then being all better one day. I only really recognized this when i was relearning about the cognitive distortions. This is All-or-Nothing thinking!!! It really does pay off to know and practice recognizing the cognitive distortions in the way that we think! It also makes it alot easier to come up with a more realistic replacement thought when we do thought replacement.

Anyways, I actually feel relieved because I was stressing myself out about overcoming my stress, anxiety and depression problem

. I would spend hours and hours and hours studying and reading and I'd even stay up later then normal and keep going even though i wanted to sleep. I was sooooooo anxious to get over the anxiety and depression that I didn't realize how illogical it was. This is a huge relief for me now because, I don't have to force myself into knowing this stuff all at once which would create alot of anxiety over rushing, I don't have to do everything perfectly while i'm working to better myself, I can allow myself to gradually become better and better at my skills and my growth and the biggest thing is I DO NOT HAVE TO WAIT MONTHS AND MONTHS OR FINISH MY STUDYING IN ORDER TO START FEELING BETTER!!!! I can start to feel better today and then even more so tomorrow and this will build more and more. I probabbly wouldn't even really know how to handle feeling depressed to completely not depressed the next day, it would probabbly be really overwhelming for me.

This is great and I hope it helps you guys as well,

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Apr 10, 2009 1:41 pm

Hi ninjafrodo...you are absolutely correct. The first couple of goes I had at the program were at times mildy defeating because in my anxiety to get over anxiety, I put alot of pressure on myself to do the program perfectly. There is no such thing. Now I use what skills come to mind and don't pressure myself, and they have gradually just become part of me. So I agree forcing things is NOT the way to go. You have a very interesting and honest approach with alot of your posts, so Kudos. I really feel that know who and where you are in this world.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Apr 10, 2009 5:01 pm

Thank you Deener.

I've been using the program on and off for the last 5 years and i just came to this conclusion now. For many many years i had been forcing myself to do things because i felt that they would be extremely good lessons for me...even if i didn't like what i was doing. It really doesn't help. It also doesn't help to go from not doing a limitation...to putting yourself in a situation where you have to deal with it 8 hours a day 5 days a week!

Thank you for the compliment, I really do want to help people out the best that i can. There have been soooo many people in my life that have put their effort into helping me. I want to be that person for others as well! Suffering bites!

I'm getting to where i need to be...but i do know my path.

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Apr 11, 2009 4:55 pm

Thanks, I just need to take one day at a time, its a journey. I'm glad that others are on the road to overcoming, it really helps to know others are working on this. One thing I know, live each moment in gratitude and the journey is all about overcoming...Yes We Can...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Apr 12, 2009 1:58 pm

You know NinjaFrodo... I agree that going from a limitation or avoidance even, to pushing yourself to do them doesn't always work. I set myself up for so many failures (as I saw them) because I thought I was ready before I was. I did what I thought the program was telling me to do, which was jumping right in. I went from being agoraphobic and not leaving my house, AT ALL, to jumping into the car and going just because I thought, that if I faced my worst fear I could conquer it, just like that. I believe that people heal at different paces, and some of us need more time to work on limitations. When I began to do this in smaller increments, the outcome was WONERFUL! I began doing the exact things that I had been afraid of for so long. I did not do them all at once but I was always able to be proud of the smallest step I took. It may have took me longer than others but I am where I am comfortable being. I wonder if you find helping others to heal, very therapeutic for yourself. It has played a very big role in my own recovery. Keep that brain of yours turning NinjaFrodo, you come up with some very insightful things. Can't wait to read what you post next.
Deanna

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Apr 13, 2009 3:40 am

It really does help knowing that others are on the same journey. Practicing gratitude is a really good self-help exercise.

Right you are Deener, I think we are very good at overwhelming ourselves on our own. The first time i just, "jumped right in" I went from being Agoraphobic and staying away from everybody to working at a ski hill helping like 400 people get on one of the lifts. It wasn't such a great idea, the first day of work, i threw up in my mouth...and the other days for 2 weeks, i got diharea every day i was at work.

On top of just jumping in...when we disqualify the positives (one of the cognitive distortions), then we don't even feel that we've made an accomplishment...so we get to suffer a whole lot and for what?

Deener you had also mentioned about how you felt WONDERFUL when you broke things down into smaller increments. That is a great idea, also if you keep track of your accomplishments in like a spiral book then you can really celebrate it....Instead of going for one big accomplishment and trying for 1 situation of good feelings...you can break things down and have many situations of good feeling!!

I do find it useful to help others, it also gets me to think upon what i've researched or the insights i get and the more i talk about it, the more it gets ingrained. I feel good about this and when i spread this knowledge to others then I win again and feel even better.

I think you'll like my next post...I'm considering starting up a thread about the diffrent cognitive techniques you can use to handle procrastination and do nothingness that i'm learning from a book...but only throwing out 1 technique a day!

Mike

stargazer · Post by **stargazer** » Mon Apr 13, 2009 11:58 am

Thank you for the idea of keeping track of all of my succees in a spiral notebook. So far I have kept them in my mind, but as most people find memories can be fleeting and unclear, especially when we really need them not to be. How much more fulfilling they could be if I could take them out and reread them, espescially if I have had a down day. It's harder to pull up those memories when you feel so negative. It would be so much easier and more uplifting to be able to see them in print! Again my thanks, and I can't wait to see what interesting tidbit you have for us next. Deanna

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Apr 13, 2009 3:37 pm

Deener

I'm really happy that you are getting alot from my posts. This shows me that I am achieving the goal i have set out for myself when i post...well one of them neways.

This notebook is great and it also helps not only to list the accomplishments but also to write what the benefit is and what it means.

Ie. I read a whole paragraph...this disproves the belief that i can't do anything and that i cannot concentrate enough to read. It also shows that I'm determined to get over my limitations and my well-being is important to me.

I was wondering if letting you guys know exactly what i am doing right now in detail would be helpful. I'm working with a number of diffrent cognitive techniques and I'm also planning to switch them up every 2 weeks. Do you think this would give people some more ideas, motivation or other benefits?

Mike