MC Grace, Don, Frodo: Is "I don't care" a negative thought?

doogiet · Post by **doogiet** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 8:14 am

Like the topic says, are these negative thoughts?

"I don't care."
"It doesn't matter."
"What's the point?"

I have these thoughts in my head ALL THE TIME. About almost everything, especially about how messy my place is. It only occurred to me just a few moments ago that these are negative thoughts and that I should be trying to combat them. If this is true, and these are negative thoughts, then this is a huge breakthrough for me. I hear these so often in my head that I just accepted them as fact, but after barely being able to get out of bed today, it struck me that maybe these thoughts aren't the SYMPTOM of my depression but are the CAUSE.

Am I right about this?

Lynnier · Post by **Lynnier** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 9:37 am

Hi Doogie:
They were for me.
The negative thoughts combined with my procrastination to add to my depression. Every time I did - or didn't - take certain actions, the negative thoughts, and the depression associated with them became even worse.
It's a hard cycle to break, but one that is completely and totally breakable.
Have you done week 3 yet?
~Lynnier

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 10:17 am

Hey doogiet. I feel honored that I was one of the 3 people you mentioned in the name of this thread.

Well depending on the context for those thoughts it could be negative and it could be positive as well. Like for instance...if you have a what-if thought or are catastrophizing thought and you say I don't care then this can be well a somewhat positive anyways. That's based on my own experience...Sometimes 2 negatives can cancel each other out.

With the example you gave about your messy place then yes they could be negative but do you think trying to combat them is going to be useful? Maybe right now keeping your place clean doesn't matter at this point in time and maybe you don't care so much about this and maybe your caring and focus might be somewhere else. This is alright too. If you can accept that you have these thoughts and you may get this way from time to time then you can feel more comfortable with yourself and eventually you may get to a point where you're more motivated to focus on that issue. I know again that the room thing was just an example but it can apply to other contextes...like exercising or eatting healthy or saying the right things to people.

All in all, if having your place messy is bothering you personally then yeah those thoughts could be a factor in the anxiety and depression. If it is just bothering other people then maybe it isn't as negative. I believe the lessons on both expectations and shoulds will help shed more light for you when it comes to this kind of thinking.

Mike

Don57 · Post by **Don57** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 11:56 am

I'm not clear on these thoughts occurring on about everything. When we first start trying to recover and we are at a point of low functioning, the task could seem overwhelming. There is a lot to put in order. We have to take a bite at a time, not the whole pie, and work on that. Baby steps. As long as you are seeking to recover as best you know how, there's no reason to beat yourself up over what you are not doing. Concentrate on what you are doing. That's about all I know to say with what you have posted.

doogiet · Post by **doogiet** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 12:13 pm

Hey, all. Thanks for the responses.

I think what was going on in my head was just this cloud. I mean, I actually _do_ care about things (more than just having a messy place), but I've been so down it just didn't seem like anything mattered. So as I was lying in bed I just thought, "Yes, I do care" and it waws like this lightbulb went off and I went on a cleaning rampage.

I think the trick is to find the subtle difference between beating myself up (which I don't want to do anymore) and breaking thoughts that are negative. I think it's more important to have "empowering" thoughts than "positive" thoughts. Saying, "I don't care about anything" is totally negative and not empowering. It doesn't help you break out of your depression. And "anything" is black and white thinking.

Either way, things are clean(er) now. I feel like a cloud has been lifted.

Must go vacuum.

doogiet · Post by **doogiet** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 12:14 pm

Oh, and yes, I've done week three.

Thanks for asking, Lynn.

MC Grace · Post by **MC Grace** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 1:08 pm

hi doogiet. looks like the others have it covered.
but to follow up lynnier's question? are you pacing yourself through the program? spending a full wk on the lesson? consecutively? watching, listening, doing the relaxation, writing out the homework?
yes. i will keep busting you about this--it's so important.

MC Grace · Post by **MC Grace** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 1:11 pm

and, yes. everyone's different and we approach the program uniquely--but for you, i'm guessing the structure is really important--and will serve you well.
the discipline is good. it will be rewarding for you to see the results that are a consequence of your disciplined actions. it will give you confidence.
you will learn confidence. you will learn to give yourself boundaries.

Lynnier · Post by **Lynnier** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 1:53 pm

Doogie:
One more question:
Now that you've cleaned your place...want to come clean mine?

Lynnier

doogiet · Post by **doogiet** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 5:38 pm

Sure, I'll come clean your place. Are you buying the airline ticket?

I haven't been following the pace of the program. I've been doing the homework, though. I haven't been doing the relaxation because I think I know what part of me isn't relaxed (but I can try it).

I'm not sure what you mean by "watching, listening..." I'm trying to listen to myself, if that's what you mean.