Starting over agian

(:a new me:) · Post by **(:a new me:)** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 8:17 am

Hi Everyone,

I've had the program since January. I made it to session ten then I just stopped. I actually started over twice before I made it that far. I haven't been doing the program for about a couple of months now and I am really disappointed in myself. Things were getting better during the time I was doing the program (although slowly) but I just stopped.
I started questioning who I was gonna be when I finished the program. It scared me. I know things need to change. I know I need to change but change is scary.
When it came time to really try to figure out what was causing me to be this way I freaked out. If it's my marriage ( we argue alot) then what if I need to leave? What will I do if I leave since right now I don't go anywhere or do anything unless he is there. He never leaves the house without me. We even work at the same place. All the "what if" thinking got to me and I gave in.
So here I go again starting over. I'm starting at session three. I know I can do this.

" I know God wouldn't give me more than I can handle but I wish he didn't trust me so much." Mother Teresa

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 6:39 am

Just the fact that you're willing to try again should make you feel better. You can do this! - keep at it. It's going to make a world of difference, and your marriage will probably be healthier because of it.

hopehound · Post by **hopehound** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 7:16 am

Good for you that you are starting over again. I am on session four and noticed that for some reason, I stalled out last week. Don't know why, but the important thing is to keep moving forward! So keep going. Work hard at this and
be careful of the 'what if' thinking.
Don't compromise yourself for somebody else. All that does is build resentment, and how does that help? Keep going on the program. It does work.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:53 am

Thanks for the encouragement.

luv cats · Post by **luv cats** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 3:33 pm

My 2 cents, are you writing down your negative thoughts and then writing positives for them...writing it down is powerful.

Another thing that I have to keep reminding myself, not to think of the past, if I do find myself going back there, I visualize a stop sign and bring myself back to the present, thinking of the past always has me writing down a negative in my journal....thinking in the future is anxiety producing for me too, I have no clue of what WILL happen, and alot of times, the anticipation proves to be much worse then the actual event, staying in the present and not over reacting to anything feels soooo much better

I got this program last August, went to session 5 and quit, started again about 4 weeks ago, about to start session 4..... Have you read Lucinda's book "From Panic to Power, it is really good, hope this helps (((big hug)))

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 3:19 am

Thanks pinkeetoz. Thinking of the past is a big problem for me. It's hard not to go there because you're trying to figure out what happend to get you here. I checked the book out from my local library. It is a really good book. Everyone needs to read it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 3:59 am

I had a similar 'stall' when I got to session 10 the first time I went thru the program. For me the resistance to change was a bigger deal than I thought it would be. I pushed thru to finish it and then went thru it again two more times. It seems we get comfortable with who we are even if who we are at the time is causing distress and anxiety. Creating a new identity was how I saw it- "a new me" and the process was really uncomfortable and still is sometimes. Now I wonder why I was so afraid of it, as I like the new me a lot better than the old anxious, distressed, self doubting, wreck I was. I haven't overcome everything but no longer fear the fear that comes with change and transformation and see it as a positive step to getting where I want to be. The 'what ifs' will keep you paralyzed in inaction. Try the positive what ifs - "What if I get the anxiety under control and my marriage improves?" "What if I really like the changes I'm making in myself?" "What if the new me is the best thing that ever happened to me?" Try putting a positive outcome to those what ifs. Your mind will resist at first but tell it to go jump off a cliff because you are determined to make some changes and feel better.