I feel really worthless right now

[Miles782]

This day will probably go down as one of the worst in my life. I feel completely defeated and basically worthless.

After a lot of searching and feeling as if I would never find a job, I finally found one. I interviewed on Wednesday, was hired on Thursday morning and filled out paperwork and then began today.

I am working as a lead teacher in a daycare center. It is not something I have never done, but it was not to this extent. The day seemed to start off really rough. I was thrown into a room that has had no lead teacher all summer long. It was the last day of summer "camp", and the three day weekend. All the children I was with today are moving up and I am getting new kids on Tues. So, basically I was thrown into a room with no lesson plan, not given time to plan anything out, and the schedule that they had been following no longer worked with the new playground times.

I felt completely out of place, as the assistant teacher obviously didn't follow any type of schedule all summer. At lunch I was called out of the room and brought into the office. The owner basically said I was doing a horrible job and was not cut out to be a lead teacher, or even interact very well with children.

I obviously stood up for myself. I know I am good with children. I worked in a daycare for three years and was a private nanny for two. I just never expected to be thrown into a room with no schedule, or plan for the day. I was a bit upset that she was not even giving me a full day to get acclimated to the environment and curriculum.

Of course now I am completely doubting my ability. All the doubt comes in my mind... What if I am not assertive enough to lead anyone?, What if I spent too much time out of a daycare setting?, What if even my best is not good enough for her?, What if I am not as good as I thought I was?, What if I can't do this after all?

I am at a point where I do not even want to go back to the center on Tuesday. I feel as if she really wanted to let me go today, but I insisted on staying, and now she is just biding her time so she can let me go on Friday of next week.

I feel as if I can't bounce back from this, I fear the doubts are going to sneak into my thought even if I look for another job.

All of this is on top off the fact that I miss the children and the job I used to have, but I couldn't stay there b/c I needed medical insurance.

My family tried to make me feel better, but I just can't move past this. I keep obsessivly thinking about it.

If there are tips that can someone can give me about not dwelling on this one incident and how to move on, so I don't bring myself down on Tuesday.

[Guest]

You FEEL really worthless right now. The key word is FEEL. You're not really worthless, it just feels crappy. And, hello! what a good reason you have to feel crappy! yuck!
However, I'm incredible impressed you chose to stay, stand up for yourself and took the job in the first place!
I say go for it! go back, into a very uncomfortable situation and challenge yourself. You know it was unorganized, so do some brainstorming and write down some things you can do when you go back to start things off on a good foot. It's not going to be perfect, but it can be such a great experience to push yourself in a tough situation.
Also, keep in mind, if it doesn't work after all, you can still say that you stood up for yourself and did the best you could with the circumstances you had.
So, talk back to those yucky thoughts by saying, "I may FEEL worthless, but I'm strong and can use this experience to help me." "It's ok to feel uneasy, scared and irritated; anyone would be."
All the best to you.

[lilchrissy]

I must be getting old because I am a little confused by the new look of the forums? Is it me or are some of the notes attributed to the wrong people now? I saw one from you WW I don't remember from before which didn't sound anything like you? Also I don't remember so many titles on the reply notes? I even think there was one that was titled I'm 50 by you WW and I am reasonably sure you told me you were in your early thirties?