having a rough time

Providence · Post by **Providence** » Sat May 31, 2008 6:23 pm

Was doing so well the first two weeks, and now I have hit a wall. Once I got to this week I just started coming undone. Positive self talk, heck, I have NO vocab in that. Would be writing all day if I recorded the negative stuff. I guess I am at the herion stage of negative self-talk.

On some level I guess I sometimes feel that my entire life has been a fiasco, because that is what my parents and sisters think of me and always have; except for the gift of my wonderful children. Nobody would believe it if I recounted what has happened to us in the last 3 years. It would sound too negative to repeat anyway. Wondering if it would be easier to pop a pill to feel better. I have not gone that route, but this seems too time consuming and costly. The only reason we are not in bankruptcy is because my parents had to give us money to survive. I am 44 and was well off financially until about 2 years ago we were scammed out of our entire life savings and lost our home. We have moved 4 times in 3 years. My husband just told me that he won't pay for this program if I am not working it. I have been, but I guess I had a rough night.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jun 03, 2008 6:57 pm

I wanted to reply to my post, in case someone was feeling discouraged by it. Well, don't. It is two steps forward and one back, as they say. Plus a really great person in the program has sent me some private messages and it has helped alot. Also, I broke down and spent a dollar on a pretty spiral notebook to record my ugly self-depreciating thoughts, and hopefully transform them. A well spent buck.

BFG · Post by **BFG** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 12:22 am

Providence, you are so not alone in this. I feel like my family has turned on me also, feel like the outcast... I am sure a lot of it is in my head, but nevertheless I feel like it.... I borrowed the program tapes from a friend of mine, I don't have the workbook or relaxation stuff, but I picked up another book on Anxiety and Depression from the book store... I dont have the name right at the moment, but I will get it for you later...

I can relate to being restricted financially, but there are inexpensive ways to get through this hurdle we call anxiety... I will get you the names of the books...

Hang in there, and keep writing in your notebook, I have like 5 of them, one for my thought, one for symptoms, one with letters to my Mom that I will never send but they rant my feelings out, one for positive things... you get the picture.....

Take Care and you can pm me if you like....
Binky

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 1:19 am

hi, I too have had a very tough last 4 yrs. I am having trouble finding a job even though i am a college grad. I am 53 and not skilled and work as an art teacher ( that is my degree) is hard to come by due to cutbacks. Write a letter to the stress center , they have scholarships for people in financial need. Call them to find out who and where to request assistance. I did.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 5:45 pm

Binkyboo and Leslie Ann
Thanks to you both for replying!

Today I am thinking about what the doctor of the woman who had the stroke said, from tape 3, when he told her to reduce her stress. She asked him how she could do that with all she has been through. He said you are out of the house, your neighbor lady is dead and your not working so forget it. Maybe I messed up the words. But the point is learning how to not be in crisis is what it is all about for me right now. Yes we have problems and we are still feeling all of the aftermath and financial hardships and some, but it is slowly drifting away. And I am sure that God does not want us to stress about dumb old money. I remember once what a good priest told me. He said that money is like what you put in the toilet. It is a necessary part of life and you need to make it to live, but in itself it is as important as dung, and hardly something to get worked up about.

I am going to contact the stress center about the scholarship, great idea Leslie Ann. And thanks for the book tips Binky.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 5:29 am

I find myself identifying with your story a great deal. I am 50 and I have an MBA. I am out of work and running out of money. It is causing a lot of stress. I am putting a good bit of time into trying to break my cycle of depression and negative thinking. I have a good book I have started reading again and it is making more sense now that I started the program. "Measuring Up" by Dr. Kevin Leman. He expounds on Alfred Adler's idea of life-style being a framework we use to guide us to a specific goal. Those who Dr. Leman call defeated perfectionists, follow a life-style to bring them constant failure for various reasons. Most have a negative self-image and feel like they cannot "measure up" to expectations. Seems a perfect fit to me with Session 3 and 4 from the program. It is also helping me get in touch with some factors from my childhood that lead to my low self-esteem. Of course, like you, I have had a lot of setbacks as an adult that have hurt me too. Good thought you had about money. Hang in there. We are getting better.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 5:31 am

P.S. I have taken Prozac for a long time and while it has helped a lot, I agree with the experts that therapy must include changing our attitudes and self- talk. Best wishes.