trying to get thru a tough time

Nina4 · Post by **Nina4** » Thu Nov 20, 2008 7:23 am

I feel like writing in to just release some of the worry I'm feeling. Recently we found out our 17 yr old daughter (has bipolar) is back to smoking pot after 3 rehabs and 7 weeks in a mental hospital. I am so disappointed, I thought she was doing well but the typical issues of not always going to class, weird sleeping patterns etc cropped up. When I talked to her about it she finally fessed up but doesn't think she can give it up. So we gave her a choice with either: 1. being with the family (getting the benefits/but having the responsibilities) which means she has to put more effort into maintaining her sobriety/doing mood charting (bipolar thing), still has to take UAs for drugs and then we'll continue to support her - as long as she is helping herself (taking her parents advice)- and that includes helping with college plans for next year; or 2. Do it her way- doesn't have to take our advice, but she does then get no other benefits from us besides gets to stay at home until she graduates. She has to get her own transportation, buy her own 'extras' and find a way to pay her own way thru school. After talking it over she agreed to go with plan 1 but was also very sure she would not succeed. She says she always feels so weird and sick all the time (even if on the surface she's laughing) and the only thing that helps is to be in an alternate state of mind. But I suspect it would not stop at pot(it hasn't in the past). I'm frustrated she still feels so bad- she says it's not even the thoughts initially - its the 'feeling' that preceeds the thoughts; she's on meds for bipolar and depression and she's been telling the drs she's okay when she really hasn't been (she hates drs and doesn't think they help anything). It's like she feels so hopeless that anything will actually help. I know I have to stick to the plan as is because otherwise we are just enabling her. But it's hard. I just think this is really complicated and it's a hard balancing act to be helpful/positive and still have her tow the line. I was thinking of contacting her doctor and letting her know what's really going on - I just wish someone could make this alot easier. I worry about the real probability she'll get caught and have legal issues when she's 18 in 5months. Let me know if you all have any advice...

derfy · Post by **derfy** » Thu Nov 20, 2008 7:52 am

I am sorry that your daughter has a hard time dealing with her problems. It has been my experience that we have to reach our individual rock bottoms until we really want to change. You can't control that in another person. I think you are very wise in giving her options and showing the tough love she needs right now. You may feel you are removing your support from under her, but it's all you can do. This is something she must want for herself and do for herself. I have been dealing with depression for 33 years and it has just been recently that I wanted to change enough to finally do all that I can do. Up to this point, I wanted medication and other people to do the work for me.