Can not get passed Session 3

Unstuck_Marie · Post by **Unstuck_Marie** » Sun Jul 19, 2009 7:47 pm

It has taken me over three weeks to get the courage to write in here. I'm not sure what Im looking for? Guidance I guess. I got this program in March of 2008. I started it, made it to the Session 3. and after major family issues (which are constant although I moved across the country to escape the nuttiness), I stopped doing the program, and had an anxiety and depression filled summer '08. When I nearly dropped out of school in the fall due to the daily panic attacks, I started the program again around October. I got to session 3 and gave up by Thanksgiving, although all the while I tried to apply what I learned, even though I beat myself up for failing, and kept saying "I know this program can save my life, what's wrong with me? I hate living like this but I wont fix it." I am feeling so hopeless nowadays. My depression is kicking my butt, and the daily anxiety well its hell. It's a hell I am used to but I despise every second of it. 5 or 6 weeks ago, I started the program from the beginning and thought this time I will do it "correctly", which I know there is no right or wrong way, and the tapes even say just do the best you can. Im stuck on Session 3 again. I know I am a negative thinker. I do not want to keep track of my thoughts. They scare me. I got a new little notebook, but I just wont write in it. I want to skip that part because it gives me anxiety to think about stopping and writing every negative thought, because I will never stop writing them. I have made progress in my external life somewhat (not recently), and I try to concentrate on the good things, but my brain is so powerful. I really feel like there is no way out for me. I'm losing friends again and becoming a homebody again. Cant get out of bed. And then I look at my workbook or anxiety cd by the dvd player and feel like a failure. Like by now, I could be functionable but I am not. Should I skip to Session 4??? Has anyone ever had trouble passing a session? I understand that I dont have to do it perfectly but I can not internalize that. Even when I am outside having a panic attack, I know what to do, what to tell myself but the anxiety voice seems so much louder. I feel like Im going insane with the battle of thoughts. I force feed the positive, and negative is so ingrained, oh man, I just feel hopeless.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:11 am

I totally understand how you feel. I hate to have to write down my thoughts but I find that once you write it down it doesn't seem so bad anymore. For me it helps me get rid of it. Don't read it after you write it just get it out. I have a shredder to get rid of the evidence of my bad thoughts and find that that helps also knowing that no one is ever going to find them and think badly of me. Good luck and I hope this helps you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 24, 2009 3:59 pm

Don't quote me on this but I think Lucinda says to just forge ahead each week doing your best and to not feel like you have to Master each week before you move on because each week keeps building and building on each other.What doesn't click in week 3 may totally click on week 4. I am encouraged by that since I tend to get perfectionistic and give up easy. So I am pressing on and doing my best on week 3 inspite of it all. I really like the idea of shredding my negatives right away. It's Wayyyy to hot out to get the fireplace going hahaha. I just hate the idea of letting one week get me stuck and held up from having a new great life. I keep praying that stay my focus.
Press on!!

Jill~

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 24, 2009 11:00 pm

thank you for responding. I realized that I did the best I could on Session 3 and moved on. My perfectionism crap was really scaring me into staying put. I feel better that Ive kept going, and I am still trying my best to apply what Ive learned in the previous sessions. It is easy for me to get overwhelmed and feel like theres so much info that I need to remember, but I'm just taking it easy and doing the assignments.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jul 25, 2009 4:03 am

I had the same problem with session 3 I kept asking myself am I doing it right . the main thing is the awareness to negative thinking thats how the whole process starts to heal you. yea so many negative thoughts can't stop or control them go with it like session 2 and 3 tells you Just stay stop a wait a moment the change the best you can to soothing thoughts. I know it is a uphill strugle and doesnt thing you are making progress but just being aware of your negative thoughts is a start. It O K You took a long time to get this way. Quit beating youself up about your negative thoughts You've atarted on the road to bigger and better things Just beleive. wendel

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Aug 04, 2009 4:25 pm

# is very dificult. The spiral note book seems impossible. I am going to try, but I have never been one to journal or keep diaries. I kept diaries when I was younger, but what I wrote was quite frightening. This will be new for me, but I will try. Has anyone manage to document all his/her negative thoughts?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 12, 2009 1:12 pm

I just started session 3. The top message is very scary, I am reading about myself from another person.That message is me. I started 3 last night. I am having a hard time. I was like I can not do this. I would have to sit, and write everything I said and thought all day everyday that is not possible what do i do.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 9:00 am

I understand about writing everything. There's no way I'm going to write down every negative thought I have, but I have been recognizing them when I have them. I say "hey, that was a negative thought. I didn't know I thought that way." I then I say, "that's not realistic." May sound simplistic, but it's working for me for the moment.

Another thing that I did yesterday was take a blockage I have and expand on it, digging a little deeper. A whooping negative thought was beneath it. I have a slight agoraphobia and have a lot of blockages (anxiety) to starting new things. I was afraid to learn how to use my new sewing machine!! I go through this kind of stuff every day! So, finally, I asked myself why do I not want to learn? My answer was "because I can't do it, I won't do it right, I will fail." I let the conversation go on to "I am not good enough. I am unworthy. I am worthless." Wow. That major negative thought is what is keeping me from using my new sewing machine, as well as a hundred other things.

Of course this thought is unrealistic and I had to tell myself positive things, reminding myself that I am worthy. I am worthy of being here, living my life as the unique individual that I am. And then reminding myself that when I try new things they usually work out to some satisfying end. And when they don't, I find a new way that brings them to a satisfying end. Then I felt better.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 3:22 am

I just wanted to encourage everyone to keep a journal and try to write things down regarding the negative thoughts. This can be so important later on when you get to the session on making changes. It gives us much insight as to what, why, and how we need to change. The daily journal will give you insight into what patterns keep coming up over and over in your thinking. Themes emerge and you will realize what may be holding you back.
OrangePoppy- Great self talk! Reminding yourself of previous new things that did work out and telling yourself that even if they didn't you were able to find a new way is something your brain will believe and is realistic. I can see why you felt better.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 12:57 pm

Thank you, Mary, I will begin to write things down. I have found that bringing attention to the anxiety that I feel has been healing at times, but also unbearable at other times. When this happens I give myself a rest from it. I hope this approach has worked for others who have completed or almost completed the program.

By the way, I learned how to use my sewing machine. Very satisfying.