Panic attack and self talk

bna · Post by **bna** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 6:36 am

I just got off the phone with my sister. On a good day she can be very dramatic. The other night coming home at about 9 pm, a dog ran out in front of her and she could not stop in time and hit him.She felt really bad about. She called me very upset. I told hercall the police to report the accident which she did immediately.

I was feeling really tense over it. It triggered a memory of a similiar situation 20 yeras ago. When another sister was coming home off the exit of the highway and someone ran in front of her and she hit the person. That person got up and ran off. This was the time before cell phones. She came immediately home and told me. I remember asking her was she speeding or drinking and she was like no it just happened so quickly. We went immediately to our local police station and was told we needed to report it in the town it happened. We went to the town the accident happened in and met her friend who was with her at the time of the accident leavng the police station as she and her father had just reported it. We went in and reported it also. Nothing ever came out of it that I can recall.

So here I am today got off the phone from my sister and had a massive panic attack over what happened to my other sister 20 years ago.

I used my skills to calm myself. My scary thougts were what if we didn't say anything, what if I didn't get involved. What if Ididn't take care of it completely.What if we didn't reprot and thought we had nonsense. I remeber at the time being angry at my sisters friend because she and her father had reported it. I felt if was my sister's responsibility to have done it, as she was the driver.

So I went and journaled it out. All the scary stuff and told myself it just anxiety. I also told myself that events can trigger memories of things from the past and that I need to float through it. I have issues with control. I feel like once someone asks me for assistance that I need to do things completely and perfectly, which is ridiculous thinking.

I am still on lesson 4 expectations, for the last 2-3weeks, because I know this is a huge lesson for me. I need to continue to work on setting realistic expectations of myself. Perfectionism/ controlling others is ridiculous/ negative thinking.

So I just wanted to share this because even though I was a panic level 8-9 about an hour ago, my anxiety level is back down to its ususal 2-3 level. I need to keep working the program and trying to stay in the moment. I am either guilting in the past or worrying about the future.

So thanks for listening. Take care and God bless.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 09, 2009 12:25 pm

Good for you!
The skills and tools here do work.
I know, I use them all the time.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:06 am

You basically summarized for all of us everything we are to do when we are facing these episodes.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 12:45 pm

I did by the program 2 days ago but i started my anxiety wed its trapering off but time to time a could still feel it in my throt a little can someone ease my mind a little

cosmicgirl03 · Post by **cosmicgirl03** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 1:53 pm

I could really relate to what you wrote.
What really hit home with me is when you talked about doing things COMPLETELY and PERFECT. I feel that we sometimes do what we were taught even if you tell yourself you wern't going to do that. My mothers saying was " IF YOU CAN'T DO IT RIGHT, THEN DON'T DO IT AT ALL " Alot of time statements that we learned in our child -
hood and teen age years, stick with us and are very hard to break. I have spent most of my life doing things as perfect as I could until I just about drove myself crazy.
The most difficult thing for me is feeling like I am loosing control which means I am not perfect.
I did like the fact that you journaled because I find it helps because when you are out of control and are having a meltdown, you can't remember things. Sometimes at my highest level of anxiety, I am lucky to remember simple things.
I find that painful memories are flashbacks and that is totally another subject. Also, I use the term " what if " frequently and I find that it is very damaging. I have had anxiety and panic attacks since childhood ( they just didn't have a name for it then ). My mother called it shy.
I am 61 and I still recall the feelings of sheer fright that gripped me when I had to get up in front of the class and do a book report.
I had all the signs of panic attack and anxiety.
I can remember the feeling of nausea and the feeling of wanting to run. I am better but I still get panic attacks when I least expect them.
I try to not use the phrase " It's just anxiety.) It is an illness and there is a cure and it starts within ourselves. Easy - NO, but we are worth it.