Day 36 (A new challenge)
So back at the office...today is diffrent though as we've gotten slow on the focus groups and we were asked to cold call....scary! My anxiety level had went up again not to the same level as I was at the first day of the job (which was like a level 8-9) it's more like 6-7 right now. I actually cheated a little bit and called the people that were in our database and asked if they knew people that would be intrested to registering with our company and that wasn't too bad I got 4 people. It was a little uncomfortable to ask the people in the database as it wasn't the typical script i had and I had to go out of that newly formed comfort zone. I did however worked up the nerve to attempt to do pure cold calling but only for 10 people. Despite my huge fear, I still did it and i'm proud of myself even if I didn't get anybody registered from it. I felt really exhausted after attempting to do it but I refuse for my life to stay where it is in this comfort zone when I know it can be so much more.
We did end up starting a new focus group for the last hour and I got no recrutes for it but that's alright. I did what I could and I honestly don't think anybody else got recrutes for it either.
Accomps;130 (0tics, 10cold calls, 100 social attempts)
Mike
NinjaFrodo's Tic Mark Journal
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Guest
Day 37 (Passionate Negativity, Passion & Cold Calling)-Very Important!
Cold calling yet again!!! I went to the people in the database first and asked for referals as a way to build up my nerve for the cold calling. It was my comfort zone and I needed to build up my confidence before I handled uncharted territory..After that I decided that i was going to spend a bit more time on this today doing pure cold calling and we had a few options available to us. We could call within Toronto (which i feel is the toughest) or places like Calgary, Halifax and so on. Well I choose Halifax because I was told the people out there are more friendly in toronto. I actually went back and forth between people in database and cold calling...we got a new person working at the call centre today and I basically just swapped with her.
Cold calling is such a scary thing for me and so many diffrent fears came up for me. I felt the fear of being yelled at, made fun of, the fear of getting into a situation where I don't know what to say or i stumble on my words and the person takes advantage of me as well as a fear of me getting angry. When I get really angry (which has only happened 2-3 times in my life) I get what i call pin point anger...this is when anything besides anger myself and the thing i'm angry about dissapears and I guess you can say I get very passionately angry. I don't feel pain, I don't feel mercy or sadness nor can I even empathize with anybody and I don't listen to reason and I just let people have it. It's actually intresting I mean I got really passionate with my anger, I believe I've been really passionate about being negative and with the sadness and fear as well where it was completely pin point with all these feelings....well not so much the fear but if I can do that with the negativity...I can do that with positivity...with happiness, motivation, encouragement!! So many possibilities!
As I switched back from the database people asking for referals to the cold calling and back to the data people I realized something...compared to the cold calling the database people actually felt alot less stressful and more "comfortable" and yet when I started the job I was terrified to even call the database people. I actually realized how much i was able to open up to the database people..I mean to say how much I was able to be myself and talk like a normal person instead of a robot like I had started off with the database in the beginning and how I'm this way with the cold calling right now. This is really fantastic! That would be really awesome to get that way with the cold calling as well and then eventually I can be this way with people in person too
I'm pushing through my social limitations more and more as the days go on even if it is a slow process, I'm still getting there and I feel soooooo good about it!
So this new lady working at the call centre has about 12 years experience in the mental health and addictions field and has alot of experience with calling so she actually found cold calling to be easy but the people in the database to be tough and it's funny because i'm the exact opposite. I noticed something very very intresting. This girl when she got the database people she didn't even get anybody to sign up from that and I was pretty much the same with the cold calling but when she did the cold calling and I did the cards we got people. She wasn't comfortable with the database people and I wasn't comfortable with the cold calling and I believe our focuses for that one were not to get people but that we didn't like doing it and didn't feel comfortable...and for me I also was afraid they'd yell at me or something like that. I believe now I understand what it means to try my hardest...to do the action and to put your energy into the goals and not into the distractions (what-ifs, shoulds, memories of sadness, feelings of anger). I believe if you can overcome this then you can overcome anything!
I've come to a point in my journey where the meditations I do aren't sufficient enough. They are great and help me out alot but I feel I need to do more. The imagry and the om's are excellent but now I really think i need to practice breathing techniques as well as muscle tension and relaxation and the best way for me to do this is with the relaxation cd from the program. If I can make the breathing techniques second nature again then I can overcome my anxieties and my limitations that much easier and hey maybe it'll make the tic marking even more efficient and I can get back into it full force again. I've had some struggle with this lately as I haven't felt very motivated in it since I've started this new job. For the most part I still do it in my head to a certain extent and I believe that is with surface stressors but the deeper ones I really feel I need to work on a bit more.
Lately I've also had problems with sleeping...My roomate actually switched shifts and I believe that I'm really not used to someone coming in the apt while I'm sleeping and I believe it's a defense mechanism. I've also had digestive issues for the last 2 weeks and I know this can really affect my sleep as well as my mood my motivation, my ability to concentrate and my intrest in daily activities. Last night wasn't too bad, I did take some Melatonin and I slept through the night which was a relief and I felt a little bit better than the previous days. I really need to work on my digestive system though cuz historically it has been the main culprit for a crappy life (pun intended)
Maybe I should stop drinking egg nog and baileys eh? Dairy just wrecks me but I just had to have my eggnog and now I'm paying for it...I'm getting a few zits, oily skin, I'm sweating more, poor sleep, cuts healing a little slower, I'm feeling heavy and tired, not as motivated, alot less of an appetite and I'm just crabby...the eggnog tastes that good but the taste of my life losing it's spark is just plain aweful.
Accomps;126 (3Tics, 110 social attempts)
Mike
Cold calling yet again!!! I went to the people in the database first and asked for referals as a way to build up my nerve for the cold calling. It was my comfort zone and I needed to build up my confidence before I handled uncharted territory..After that I decided that i was going to spend a bit more time on this today doing pure cold calling and we had a few options available to us. We could call within Toronto (which i feel is the toughest) or places like Calgary, Halifax and so on. Well I choose Halifax because I was told the people out there are more friendly in toronto. I actually went back and forth between people in database and cold calling...we got a new person working at the call centre today and I basically just swapped with her.
Cold calling is such a scary thing for me and so many diffrent fears came up for me. I felt the fear of being yelled at, made fun of, the fear of getting into a situation where I don't know what to say or i stumble on my words and the person takes advantage of me as well as a fear of me getting angry. When I get really angry (which has only happened 2-3 times in my life) I get what i call pin point anger...this is when anything besides anger myself and the thing i'm angry about dissapears and I guess you can say I get very passionately angry. I don't feel pain, I don't feel mercy or sadness nor can I even empathize with anybody and I don't listen to reason and I just let people have it. It's actually intresting I mean I got really passionate with my anger, I believe I've been really passionate about being negative and with the sadness and fear as well where it was completely pin point with all these feelings....well not so much the fear but if I can do that with the negativity...I can do that with positivity...with happiness, motivation, encouragement!! So many possibilities!
As I switched back from the database people asking for referals to the cold calling and back to the data people I realized something...compared to the cold calling the database people actually felt alot less stressful and more "comfortable" and yet when I started the job I was terrified to even call the database people. I actually realized how much i was able to open up to the database people..I mean to say how much I was able to be myself and talk like a normal person instead of a robot like I had started off with the database in the beginning and how I'm this way with the cold calling right now. This is really fantastic! That would be really awesome to get that way with the cold calling as well and then eventually I can be this way with people in person too
I'm pushing through my social limitations more and more as the days go on even if it is a slow process, I'm still getting there and I feel soooooo good about it!So this new lady working at the call centre has about 12 years experience in the mental health and addictions field and has alot of experience with calling so she actually found cold calling to be easy but the people in the database to be tough and it's funny because i'm the exact opposite. I noticed something very very intresting. This girl when she got the database people she didn't even get anybody to sign up from that and I was pretty much the same with the cold calling but when she did the cold calling and I did the cards we got people. She wasn't comfortable with the database people and I wasn't comfortable with the cold calling and I believe our focuses for that one were not to get people but that we didn't like doing it and didn't feel comfortable...and for me I also was afraid they'd yell at me or something like that. I believe now I understand what it means to try my hardest...to do the action and to put your energy into the goals and not into the distractions (what-ifs, shoulds, memories of sadness, feelings of anger). I believe if you can overcome this then you can overcome anything!
I've come to a point in my journey where the meditations I do aren't sufficient enough. They are great and help me out alot but I feel I need to do more. The imagry and the om's are excellent but now I really think i need to practice breathing techniques as well as muscle tension and relaxation and the best way for me to do this is with the relaxation cd from the program. If I can make the breathing techniques second nature again then I can overcome my anxieties and my limitations that much easier and hey maybe it'll make the tic marking even more efficient and I can get back into it full force again. I've had some struggle with this lately as I haven't felt very motivated in it since I've started this new job. For the most part I still do it in my head to a certain extent and I believe that is with surface stressors but the deeper ones I really feel I need to work on a bit more.
Lately I've also had problems with sleeping...My roomate actually switched shifts and I believe that I'm really not used to someone coming in the apt while I'm sleeping and I believe it's a defense mechanism. I've also had digestive issues for the last 2 weeks and I know this can really affect my sleep as well as my mood my motivation, my ability to concentrate and my intrest in daily activities. Last night wasn't too bad, I did take some Melatonin and I slept through the night which was a relief and I felt a little bit better than the previous days. I really need to work on my digestive system though cuz historically it has been the main culprit for a crappy life (pun intended)
Maybe I should stop drinking egg nog and baileys eh? Dairy just wrecks me but I just had to have my eggnog and now I'm paying for it...I'm getting a few zits, oily skin, I'm sweating more, poor sleep, cuts healing a little slower, I'm feeling heavy and tired, not as motivated, alot less of an appetite and I'm just crabby...the eggnog tastes that good but the taste of my life losing it's spark is just plain aweful.Accomps;126 (3Tics, 110 social attempts)
Mike
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Guest
thought i'd touch on the thing with swapping with your co-worker, because i saw an interesting thing about strengths and weaknesses on Oprah yesterday. she's starting this new program online (oprah.com/workshop) and the facilitator she's partnering with has an interesting take on strenghts. He says strenghts are often thought of as things we are good at naturally--when, actually, they are things that strenghten us (revitalize, renew, give us energy). He also talked about focusing on the things we are "naturally" good at, at least as much as the things that we want to improve.
It's interesting to hear his perspective and I think what he said was compatible with the StressCenter.com program (once one has a decent grasp of the skills). There are all kinds of things at the website about work, career, keeping track of our experiences (journaling!) -- on red and green cards.
I would like to somehow partner with some of the vets out there as a way to be accountable as I try this new thing. I don't know what pace I want to go. But if you feel like giving this a try, too. . . let me know.
Well, there's always lots of stuff to think about when I read your journal. But I'm gonna limit myself to this comment for now.
It's interesting to hear his perspective and I think what he said was compatible with the StressCenter.com program (once one has a decent grasp of the skills). There are all kinds of things at the website about work, career, keeping track of our experiences (journaling!) -- on red and green cards.
I would like to somehow partner with some of the vets out there as a way to be accountable as I try this new thing. I don't know what pace I want to go. But if you feel like giving this a try, too. . . let me know.
Well, there's always lots of stuff to think about when I read your journal. But I'm gonna limit myself to this comment for now.
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Guest
Day 38 (Manchurrian buddhism & If you don't want to come off like someone else then don't talk like them)
Lets just say i am soooooo happy with the snowstorm we had down here. Because of it, I was able to go home early as we were all given the option to leave at 12. Most people left actually because we were mostly doing cold calling and we didn't really have any quotas to fill.
I was doing alot of cold calling and having a few people hangup on me and it's actually not as bad as i thought it would be. One person I called actually suggested that I change my approach because I come off as a telemarketer and people don't like telemarketers. I was using a script because I was not trained to do cold calls and didn't feel safe enough to use my own words. I did change things a little around but it still sounded telemarketerish. In the script we say our name, the company's name, what it is and that we're looking for people to participate in focus groups in which they'd get money for. People don't give a crap about what we stand for...it is...what's in it for me. So maybe it's better to say my name, the companies name and ask these people if they'd be intrested in making an extra $50 or $100 throughout the year.
I got to talk to one of my co-workers who is into buddhism as I was really intrested in how she handled the job. She is really nice and so calm I just feel reassured that things will be alright by just talking to her or being in her presents. I asked her a bit more about buddhism and she is part of a sect that takes a diffrent approach. They actually pray to the universe...trees, snow, sky...just everything and helps to tap into the god within. She said it just helps you to realize what you're struggling with is only there for a limited time and helps you to manage your stress better. I'm really intrested in hearing more about it and was fascinated that Tina Turner is actually this type of buddhist.
I did get a bit more ticing done today...well a bit. I just feel so unmotivated to do anything and I think it was a really bad idea to have so much dairy in this past week...i thought i could handle it with the lemonade because lemons break up mucous and hard to break down things but nope...I was wrong.
Accomps;110 (6 tics, 66 social attempts)
Mike
Lets just say i am soooooo happy with the snowstorm we had down here. Because of it, I was able to go home early as we were all given the option to leave at 12. Most people left actually because we were mostly doing cold calling and we didn't really have any quotas to fill.
I was doing alot of cold calling and having a few people hangup on me and it's actually not as bad as i thought it would be. One person I called actually suggested that I change my approach because I come off as a telemarketer and people don't like telemarketers. I was using a script because I was not trained to do cold calls and didn't feel safe enough to use my own words. I did change things a little around but it still sounded telemarketerish. In the script we say our name, the company's name, what it is and that we're looking for people to participate in focus groups in which they'd get money for. People don't give a crap about what we stand for...it is...what's in it for me. So maybe it's better to say my name, the companies name and ask these people if they'd be intrested in making an extra $50 or $100 throughout the year.
I got to talk to one of my co-workers who is into buddhism as I was really intrested in how she handled the job. She is really nice and so calm I just feel reassured that things will be alright by just talking to her or being in her presents. I asked her a bit more about buddhism and she is part of a sect that takes a diffrent approach. They actually pray to the universe...trees, snow, sky...just everything and helps to tap into the god within. She said it just helps you to realize what you're struggling with is only there for a limited time and helps you to manage your stress better. I'm really intrested in hearing more about it and was fascinated that Tina Turner is actually this type of buddhist.
I did get a bit more ticing done today...well a bit. I just feel so unmotivated to do anything and I think it was a really bad idea to have so much dairy in this past week...i thought i could handle it with the lemonade because lemons break up mucous and hard to break down things but nope...I was wrong.
Accomps;110 (6 tics, 66 social attempts)
Mike
Day 39 (Perfection?!?)
Today was a pretty long day for me. I had class in the morning from 9-5 and then work from 5-10:30 and it was such a struggle for me to get through the day. I did end up getting through the day and I even learned something new about myself.
During class If I don't do whatever i'm trying to do perfectly or the absolute best i can do then I will call it out right then and there...I usually say "I didn't do it right" or "It wasn't good enough" or I'll even say what it was that I was doing wrong. My sensei actually pointed this out and said that even if I don't do it right we will still love you. It was every intresting because it made a little click in my head. I've always tried to be perfect because I thought it was the only way to get attention...If I did something better than other people or if I did it perfectly then I would deserve to get praise or be cared about or even get some attention. I believe this lead to me striving to make sure I did everything perfectly and to spend lots and lots of time preparing to do something so I didn't make any mistakes. If I didn't do it perfectly then to me, I didn't deserve anything and I would be very hard on myself. It's intresting too because as soon as I do something incorrect I just stop myself from doing whatever it is or I lose hope in myself and my determination and motivation is lost as well. No wonder why I wasn't able to feel good about doing the shiatsu treatments. So now that I've recognized this, I can work on overcoming this. Wow I actually think what is actually affected the most with this type of thinking is my speech and how I would talk to others. The idea of perfection actually kept me from even trying from the fear of not achieving it.
At work I was just crabby. I really didn't want to be there and I actually got many memories of anger coming up. I even had one of this girl in highschool trying to gouge at my eyes and honestly this is one of the worst things you could do to me and if someone would ever try to do that to me now, I swear I would lose it and go into rage mode and probabbly break their face. These are just all distracting thoughts though that's it. What really bothers me is that I have to work so much because i'm in a transition period where i just started a fulltime job and am just about to leave the part time one that i have and then I got class on top of that. I have little to no down time and it just feels like the days are all the same...it just feels like i'm working and then have a long break and then back to work. I can't take it like that.
I'm pretty sure i'm lactose intolerant now too...I thought i could digest dairy as long as I was using lemonade with olive oil and cayenne pepper and honey but I was wrong...I did this for a week and my sinuses are more congested, my skin is dryer, I have zits, my sleep is worse, my mood is worse, I feel heavier and I don't even want to do things as much...its just gross. I gatta get myself back to where i was before trying this dairy test.
Accomps;21 (3 social attempts 0tics)
Mike
Today was a pretty long day for me. I had class in the morning from 9-5 and then work from 5-10:30 and it was such a struggle for me to get through the day. I did end up getting through the day and I even learned something new about myself.
During class If I don't do whatever i'm trying to do perfectly or the absolute best i can do then I will call it out right then and there...I usually say "I didn't do it right" or "It wasn't good enough" or I'll even say what it was that I was doing wrong. My sensei actually pointed this out and said that even if I don't do it right we will still love you. It was every intresting because it made a little click in my head. I've always tried to be perfect because I thought it was the only way to get attention...If I did something better than other people or if I did it perfectly then I would deserve to get praise or be cared about or even get some attention. I believe this lead to me striving to make sure I did everything perfectly and to spend lots and lots of time preparing to do something so I didn't make any mistakes. If I didn't do it perfectly then to me, I didn't deserve anything and I would be very hard on myself. It's intresting too because as soon as I do something incorrect I just stop myself from doing whatever it is or I lose hope in myself and my determination and motivation is lost as well. No wonder why I wasn't able to feel good about doing the shiatsu treatments. So now that I've recognized this, I can work on overcoming this. Wow I actually think what is actually affected the most with this type of thinking is my speech and how I would talk to others. The idea of perfection actually kept me from even trying from the fear of not achieving it.
At work I was just crabby. I really didn't want to be there and I actually got many memories of anger coming up. I even had one of this girl in highschool trying to gouge at my eyes and honestly this is one of the worst things you could do to me and if someone would ever try to do that to me now, I swear I would lose it and go into rage mode and probabbly break their face. These are just all distracting thoughts though that's it. What really bothers me is that I have to work so much because i'm in a transition period where i just started a fulltime job and am just about to leave the part time one that i have and then I got class on top of that. I have little to no down time and it just feels like the days are all the same...it just feels like i'm working and then have a long break and then back to work. I can't take it like that.
I'm pretty sure i'm lactose intolerant now too...I thought i could digest dairy as long as I was using lemonade with olive oil and cayenne pepper and honey but I was wrong...I did this for a week and my sinuses are more congested, my skin is dryer, I have zits, my sleep is worse, my mood is worse, I feel heavier and I don't even want to do things as much...its just gross. I gatta get myself back to where i was before trying this dairy test.
Accomps;21 (3 social attempts 0tics)
Mike
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Guest
it's interesting that a day that you had low hopes for turned out to be so helpful. (i don't know about you, but i often find it difficult to stay in the precious present moment, especially this time of year--when i tend feel a bit ickier. maybe you can post a positive reminder or to that you'll see when you get up--to help put your mind in a positive place.)
it's awesome that you have pinpointed the danger/senselessness of trying to be perfect. btw, what's the class about? martial arts? in any case, it was awesome that you got affirmation there.
now for a little nudging:
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oh yeah, i read in a women's mag recently that dairy is the unknown culprit behind many sinus problems and things. . . my head was constantly stuffy, related to mild headaches and lots of random mucous. all of the symptoms that they named for this "milk allergy" i was experiencing. so i thought, i'll try going without the dairy. big sacrifice! i thought. i feel so much better without it. it's been a couple of months. sure i "cheat" but i feel so much worse, that it's easy to go back to dairy-free. . . (i still have yogurt, though).
it's awesome that you have pinpointed the danger/senselessness of trying to be perfect. btw, what's the class about? martial arts? in any case, it was awesome that you got affirmation there.
now for a little nudging:
hows about a positive for that negative?it just feels like i'm working and then have a long break and then back to work. I can't take it like that.
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oh yeah, i read in a women's mag recently that dairy is the unknown culprit behind many sinus problems and things. . . my head was constantly stuffy, related to mild headaches and lots of random mucous. all of the symptoms that they named for this "milk allergy" i was experiencing. so i thought, i'll try going without the dairy. big sacrifice! i thought. i feel so much better without it. it's been a couple of months. sure i "cheat" but i feel so much worse, that it's easy to go back to dairy-free. . . (i still have yogurt, though).
it is on tao shiatsu...basically shiatsu and Buddhist principals.
its funny how you mentioned a positive for that negative because i actually had used that exact one for an example with my friend yestaurday and i replaced it when msning her.
Dairy is the culprit behind alot of things. As we get older we do not produce as much Lactase which is needed to breakdown the sugar Lactose in dairy. It is actually more normal and more common to be lactose intolerant. We aren't suppose to be drinking milk past infantcy. If adult cows were to drink milk past infantcy they would die.
Mike
its funny how you mentioned a positive for that negative because i actually had used that exact one for an example with my friend yestaurday and i replaced it when msning her.
Dairy is the culprit behind alot of things. As we get older we do not produce as much Lactase which is needed to breakdown the sugar Lactose in dairy. It is actually more normal and more common to be lactose intolerant. We aren't suppose to be drinking milk past infantcy. If adult cows were to drink milk past infantcy they would die.
Mike
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Guest
Day 40 (Yelling)
I really don't Sundays...I worked the night before at the restaurant and I get to work early in the morning on the sunday. I was feeling pretty crusty about how i work everyday especially on sataurday but sunday seems to be the worst and i'm even more negative on these days. From what i've learned in class we can affect the people around us even just by the thoughts we have which determines the energy we put out and I think I believe this more today.
I was constantly worrying about being yelled at with the phone centre especially when cold calling but I never imagined being yelled at while at the restaurant. I was really shocked. One of the supervisors had made too much fruit salad and he suggested that I eat some of the excess because it would just start to turn brown and not look so inviting and so I said ok and I took it into the kitchen to eat it so the customers at the cafe wouldn't see me eatting it. The hot cook starts to yell at me and says i shouldn't be eatting before we open (meaning the restaurant section). I tried to explain to him that my supervisor said to do that and he said it doesn't matter. I dropped the bowl of food and left the kitchen and spent the rest of the day avoiding him. I was so angry that I allowed him to overpower me and I listened to what he said. I was so afraid that he yelled at me. Maybe he was right and maybe not but I really do not believe he had the right to yell at me and for something so stupid. Obviously this wasn't all because of me...that would be even more stupid if it was just about me...lol it would be a stupid as someone yelling at me for tying my shoe up the "wrong" way. I noticed a few hours later that he was whistling and he seemed alot happier and honestly that made me even more pissed off and I really just wanted to say "so you feeling better now that you've yelled at me?" Neways I got upset and I told my supervisor and he said he understands why i would get upset and that it wasn't because of me and I think just knowing that someone understands really helped to calm me down or feel less effected anyways. I'm the type of person that if i don't confront something that has bothered me that it will just keep eatting away at me until I do. I'm thinking of practicing my assertiveness with this person in order to overcome this.
Accomps;17 (2 social attempts, 0 tics)
Mike
I really don't Sundays...I worked the night before at the restaurant and I get to work early in the morning on the sunday. I was feeling pretty crusty about how i work everyday especially on sataurday but sunday seems to be the worst and i'm even more negative on these days. From what i've learned in class we can affect the people around us even just by the thoughts we have which determines the energy we put out and I think I believe this more today.
I was constantly worrying about being yelled at with the phone centre especially when cold calling but I never imagined being yelled at while at the restaurant. I was really shocked. One of the supervisors had made too much fruit salad and he suggested that I eat some of the excess because it would just start to turn brown and not look so inviting and so I said ok and I took it into the kitchen to eat it so the customers at the cafe wouldn't see me eatting it. The hot cook starts to yell at me and says i shouldn't be eatting before we open (meaning the restaurant section). I tried to explain to him that my supervisor said to do that and he said it doesn't matter. I dropped the bowl of food and left the kitchen and spent the rest of the day avoiding him. I was so angry that I allowed him to overpower me and I listened to what he said. I was so afraid that he yelled at me. Maybe he was right and maybe not but I really do not believe he had the right to yell at me and for something so stupid. Obviously this wasn't all because of me...that would be even more stupid if it was just about me...lol it would be a stupid as someone yelling at me for tying my shoe up the "wrong" way. I noticed a few hours later that he was whistling and he seemed alot happier and honestly that made me even more pissed off and I really just wanted to say "so you feeling better now that you've yelled at me?" Neways I got upset and I told my supervisor and he said he understands why i would get upset and that it wasn't because of me and I think just knowing that someone understands really helped to calm me down or feel less effected anyways. I'm the type of person that if i don't confront something that has bothered me that it will just keep eatting away at me until I do. I'm thinking of practicing my assertiveness with this person in order to overcome this.
Accomps;17 (2 social attempts, 0 tics)
Mike
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Guest
Day 41 (Health Scare)
I woke up this morning with a health scare. I had a symptom that I'm actually afraid of talking about. I called work and told them I can't come in because i have to go to the hospital and with the training I've had in western & eastern medicine I had myself convinced that I had cancer or some other serious disease. Part of me was saying that it would be alright if it was cancer and another part was saying noooo. I was reaching out to certain people but as I was reaching out I heard myself saying that it isn't a big deal and that i'm overreacting. I believe intellectually I was saying I had cancer but in my heart I didn't really feel that way. I had procrastinated going to the walk-in clinic I think because part of me just didn't want to know and it's intresting because as I was procrastinating and trying to distract myself from thinking about my problem...I actually felt even more anxious as time went on. I wasn't enjoying what I was doing, I was wasting my day and I was feeling worse and worse about myself. Finally I went and they took a urine sample and I'm not exactly sure what they were testing me for but they said the test turned out negative and they're going to send it to the lab and come back next week. I feel better that i'm having someone look into the problem and I think that's good enough for me at the moment. I wonder if this is my body forcing me to take some down-time.
I ended up taking a nap today...I actually took a nap the other day for 3 hours and I felt soooo much better afterwards but it messed up my sleep schedual so I decided that i was only going to take about 1-1.5 hour nap and so I did this. I didn't feel as great as I did after the 3 hour nap but I felt a little better which was nice because I honestly didn't feel like doing anything. Hopefully I can get more nap time in the future. I think my body is really craving for it.
Accomps;3 (0social attempts, 0 tics)
Mike
I woke up this morning with a health scare. I had a symptom that I'm actually afraid of talking about. I called work and told them I can't come in because i have to go to the hospital and with the training I've had in western & eastern medicine I had myself convinced that I had cancer or some other serious disease. Part of me was saying that it would be alright if it was cancer and another part was saying noooo. I was reaching out to certain people but as I was reaching out I heard myself saying that it isn't a big deal and that i'm overreacting. I believe intellectually I was saying I had cancer but in my heart I didn't really feel that way. I had procrastinated going to the walk-in clinic I think because part of me just didn't want to know and it's intresting because as I was procrastinating and trying to distract myself from thinking about my problem...I actually felt even more anxious as time went on. I wasn't enjoying what I was doing, I was wasting my day and I was feeling worse and worse about myself. Finally I went and they took a urine sample and I'm not exactly sure what they were testing me for but they said the test turned out negative and they're going to send it to the lab and come back next week. I feel better that i'm having someone look into the problem and I think that's good enough for me at the moment. I wonder if this is my body forcing me to take some down-time.
I ended up taking a nap today...I actually took a nap the other day for 3 hours and I felt soooo much better afterwards but it messed up my sleep schedual so I decided that i was only going to take about 1-1.5 hour nap and so I did this. I didn't feel as great as I did after the 3 hour nap but I felt a little better which was nice because I honestly didn't feel like doing anything. Hopefully I can get more nap time in the future. I think my body is really craving for it.
Accomps;3 (0social attempts, 0 tics)
Mike
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Guest
naps are great i think there was some wisdome in those Spanish siestas. . .
sometimes i find it helps to nap for hours at a time. sometimes 20min is enough.
rest is so important. it's one of the values the program helped me with.
and even when we're awake--it's alright to "do nothing". i took a bubble bath on Christmas Eve for the first time in yrs. i had some magazines to read and looked at them a little. but i was really proud of myself for resting and just soaking.
pamper yourself!
i think there was some wisdome in those Spanish siestas. . .sometimes i find it helps to nap for hours at a time. sometimes 20min is enough.
rest is so important. it's one of the values the program helped me with.
and even when we're awake--it's alright to "do nothing". i took a bubble bath on Christmas Eve for the first time in yrs. i had some magazines to read and looked at them a little. but i was really proud of myself for resting and just soaking.
pamper yourself!