Helping me find a way to fight this thought

[lauraanna1987]

Hello everyone!

I'm a 23 year-old girl. This is the second time I've done the Combatting Stress and Depression Program program since I've been told
it's a good idea to go through it again. I didn't have a severe case of anxiety but I went overseas to Paris, France to do my medical school studies alone so probably since I was used to (being an only child) being taken care of constantly by my parents, I've gotten quite anxious.. I've been living there for 5 years. My life is pretty good even though I have to study really hard and have many responsibilities at the hospital. The program opened my eyes and helped me get through rough times and I'm very grateful for it.
However, I still have a silly fear that I just can't get over.
It concerns love. It's probably a very common thing but it's just that I feel as if I'm cursed in love, that I'll end up living alone with 9 smelly cats in a stuffy old apartment. It started 6 years ago when a boy I really loved broke my heart. I got over him but every time I like a guy and he seems interested too, he ends up being a jerk or he never has the courage to really court me. The other boys are either really good friends or I'm not interested in them. I've never had a real relationship and it's not easy seeing couples all around me looking happy and all.

Maybe I am too picky but I can't be with a boy I'm not attracted to and I don't want to do all the pursuing either.
I know there's nothing wrong with me but I don't have a very high self-esteem which is something I can't help. Most people say to try not to think about this and the right guy will come but it's easier said than done...

It'd be really great if someone could give me some advice on how I could put an end to this thought once and for all. I really don't want to have this fear anymore. Maybe I need a new perspective on things.


Thanks ^_^

[brookflower]

Maybe you're picking the wrong guy, so maybe it's him and not you. Its OK not to have a boyfriend at this time, your plate is full and it's important to stay focused on your studies. You will meet a better man if you improve your self-esteem first. Your obviously a very intelligent,devoted, caring person (maybe you should look in the mirror and tell yourself this at least once a day).

Here's a start for positive replacement thought, "A man would have to be very understanding and secure to be able to handle my schedule and allow me to remain focused on my career, which is very important right now. When it's time, I will meet a wonderful man and I won't settle for anything less." "For now, I am going to concentrate on school, training, and improving my self-esteem."

Continue working on this program to improve your self-esteem.

[steffaniiee]

I honestly felt when i was reading this like i wrote it. not going overseas or med studies, but the love part is exactly my story to the T. I cant say i have advice but i truly do belive that there IS someone perfect for everyone. dont settle no matter what, find someone that will court you like you want. i know youll find it

[stephgiaco01]

Hey Girls,

I'm glad you guys posted this b/c I feel the SAME way. I am a 28 year old girl, so a lot older than you, so I feel like I have even more to worry about by being single. I just bought a condo and am a high school teacher, so from the outside I look pretty independent and good, I guess.
I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years about 2 years ago, and I still think about it all the time. I beat myself up for leaving him because now I am alone and not realizing how hard it is to find a good guy. I broke up with him for valid reasons at the time (not happy, fighting, felt like I was "settling", etc), but now I feel a huge sense of regret. I miss the relationship probably more than him, but I still am depressed. In addition, I have had anxiety for years. Since being single I often feel more anxiety on a daily basis and constantly have fears of being alone and never finding anyone. In addition I'm getting older and seeing all my friends get married, etc.
That I feel is the source of my anxiety and depression at the moment. I feel like it's a curse to be single and I'm punishing myself for the decisions I have made in the past. I'm moving onto session 3, and do want to get better.
I want to get the obsessive thoughts out of my head of my past relationship and the fear of being single/alone. Most times I can't sleep at night because of it.

Lauraanna- just curious...did it not work the first time you did the program?

Also, it sounds like you're doing great and in med school! Plus you're so young I would not worry about finding someone yet...I'm even older than you and still haven't, but you have a lot of time still.

[lauraanna1987]

Hello everyone!

thank you very much for your replies. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one with these silly thought!
The tapes did work pretty well the 1st time but I was told to do it a second time too, at least go back to them since the second time around you may pick things up you did not the first time around!

I guess it's all about attitude and loving oneself first and the rest with follow!

thank you and God bless!